Just In
for Party

2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
Great. I have many favourite bits.

I like how you structured- 'and under/the carpets.' True to the words.

'Where my loneliness falls/in tears that footstep/across my arms:'-Wow. I love that line. Great image. Really powerful and vivid. Clever.

'No tracks to walk me home.' -Loss and desperation.

Well done.
4/11/2009 c1 4mahalkitta
"No ghosts to comfort me,

No tracks to walk me home."

you are brilliant .
3/11/2009 c1 54Wiggity Wam

..I guess when you bottle up writing for a while it ages rather nicely. I REALLY like this one. So far, I think it's my favorite of yours, especially because I like it when a writer expresses a lot with few words.

The first stanza is great. Honestly, I was sold already, it's a perfect way to open the poem. The rest doesn't disappoint, but it maintains that succinct and authoritative vibe. I don't think I understand the last line, but it doesn't really take away from the poem for me, I guess.

Just from an organizational persepective, if I wrote it I would consider maintaining 3 lines per stanza, but it's mostly irrelevant, I just notice the little things.
2/28/2009 c1 24The FiboNACHI Sequence
This is amazing. I love how well you got this feeling of isolation going through this piece.

Well done!
2/17/2009 c1 879Moondog Dozier
I like the sincerity of this. It's universally relatable, and yet personal at the same time. Excellent end line. "No tracks to walk me home", is quite thought provoking, as it can be visualized in several ways. Good write. MD:77.
2/14/2009 c1 65Aquafied
i hate parties in a way

so i suppose i can relate
2/13/2009 c1 3The True Dreamer
This was great! No negative feedback here! You really have a talent for peotry!
2/7/2009 c1 lymli
at first I thought it was a "happy" poem 'cause of the first verses so I finished to read it and the las part is very heartfelt.

this sentence sounds lonely:

No ghosts to comfort me,

No tracks to walk me home.

but it's a great poem.
2/6/2009 c1 173sunshineofyourlife

i've missed you.

it's so nice to have you back.

2/5/2009 c1 14Antimatter Matters
Wow. I like the short, punchy lines.

I'm adding you to my author alert.
2/1/2009 c1 88multiples of six
I don't think you could write a bad poem if you tried.

I really love the second stanza; I think it's because the over/under go so well together. It's beautiful.
2/1/2009 c1 51instant bliss
I like this piece most for its final line "No tracks to walk me home." Beautiful line, wistful and lost and in some way resigned. It ties the piece together really well. Great work!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service