for Never Never Land5/30/2009 c1 
4B. J. Winters
Intriguing.
I liked the repetition and the rhyme was good. I wish there was some way the meter in the last lines could match, but that would probably force you to choose words that dampened the meaning. Overall it was well put, on theme and catagorized correctly as tragic.
Liked it.
4B. J. WintersIntriguing.
I liked the repetition and the rhyme was good. I wish there was some way the meter in the last lines could match, but that would probably force you to choose words that dampened the meaning. Overall it was well put, on theme and catagorized correctly as tragic.
Liked it.
5/23/2009 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for your reviews awhile back!
I like the last two stanza's rhymes, the approximateness was nice. The other rhymes seemed a bit sing songy. Also, I wouldn't capitalize the second never, it just doesn't work grammatically.
I do like the piece though. The title is funny and works well to play off the piece.
-Mini (Review Marathon, link in my profile)
612simpleplan13Thanks for your reviews awhile back!
I like the last two stanza's rhymes, the approximateness was nice. The other rhymes seemed a bit sing songy. Also, I wouldn't capitalize the second never, it just doesn't work grammatically.
I do like the piece though. The title is funny and works well to play off the piece.
-Mini (Review Marathon, link in my profile)
5/9/2009 c1 Aqua-eagle Sunshine
You said you weren't very good at poems. This is brill...short and sweet. Loved reading it...the whole thing just flowed so well...and the rhyming was excellent. I was going to say i really liked the ending...but truthfully i really liked all of it. The repetition you use works well and isn't over-done. The narrator has a sense of power and control that is both frightening and yet alluring? is that the right word? anyway liked this alot.
You said you weren't very good at poems. This is brill...short and sweet. Loved reading it...the whole thing just flowed so well...and the rhyming was excellent. I was going to say i really liked the ending...but truthfully i really liked all of it. The repetition you use works well and isn't over-done. The narrator has a sense of power and control that is both frightening and yet alluring? is that the right word? anyway liked this alot.
4/20/2009 c1 24Miss Bob
Oh wow!
Excellent rhythm to this piece, Bubbles darling. It's wonderful!
Favourite line: You can’t run. You can’t hide.
It really lends a sense of desperation to the poem...
Gorgeous! Love it! Instant fav! :D
24Miss BobOh wow!
Excellent rhythm to this piece, Bubbles darling. It's wonderful!
Favourite line: You can’t run. You can’t hide.
It really lends a sense of desperation to the poem...
Gorgeous! Love it! Instant fav! :D
4/14/2009 c1 Icyfire4w5
Wow, I would like to dedicate this poem to all sadists, ^_^. It might work well as a taunt.
Wow, I would like to dedicate this poem to all sadists, ^_^. It might work well as a taunt.
3/1/2009 c1 23fatbird33
firstly, i really liked your title. i also like your repetition of never, never. the poem flowed really well. nice job:)
23fatbird33firstly, i really liked your title. i also like your repetition of never, never. the poem flowed really well. nice job:)
2/10/2009 c1 172DefineBeauty
whoa...that's like...dark lol. i can pretty much hear an evil laugh accompanying this piece =D
i like the format you chose. it's simple and works quiet well with this piece. it also keeps the flow going smoothly.
i also like the repitition of "Never Never" because it reinforces the message
the only dislike would be that in the first stanza, the second line is 2 sentences while the rest of them are not. there's no real meaning behind why i dont like it other than it's just different from the rest of the piece
very nice work =]
172DefineBeautywhoa...that's like...dark lol. i can pretty much hear an evil laugh accompanying this piece =D
i like the format you chose. it's simple and works quiet well with this piece. it also keeps the flow going smoothly.
i also like the repitition of "Never Never" because it reinforces the message
the only dislike would be that in the first stanza, the second line is 2 sentences while the rest of them are not. there's no real meaning behind why i dont like it other than it's just different from the rest of the piece
very nice work =]
2/8/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
I didn't like the repetition of Never Never. If I hadn't known the meaning/inspiration/what you based it off on, I wouldn't have guessed the purpose; I would've felt just 'never' would've worked as well.
[Will you laugh with glee.
All your joy belongs to me.]
I liked this part because I felt it was the strongest part of the poem, at least to me. The ending stanza is a second.
-Review Marathon, link in profile.
Good luck in the WCC.
I didn't like the repetition of Never Never. If I hadn't known the meaning/inspiration/what you based it off on, I wouldn't have guessed the purpose; I would've felt just 'never' would've worked as well.
[Will you laugh with glee.
All your joy belongs to me.]
I liked this part because I felt it was the strongest part of the poem, at least to me. The ending stanza is a second.
-Review Marathon, link in profile.
Good luck in the WCC.
2/7/2009 c1 36Kate Marshall
I enjoyed the creepy factor. ^_^ Especially with the rhyming. Because everyone knows that nothing's creepier than a rhymed threat, right? lol
And the end wording was nice, too.
36Kate MarshallI enjoyed the creepy factor. ^_^ Especially with the rhyming. Because everyone knows that nothing's creepier than a rhymed threat, right? lol
And the end wording was nice, too.
2/4/2009 c1 Carus
Ooh I like the rhyming :) And also you've managed to put a lot of meaning in a short space, sehr gut!
I haven't decided about the 'Never Never' at the beginning of each stanza. I think it's good to have consistancy, but then on the other hand it does get a bit repetitive.
One thing I didn't like was all of the capital letters when they aren't needed ;) But then I think that's personal preference, so don't listen to that. I think it's just reading 'Will...' and then I expect a '?' at the end, so it throws me off a bit with the flow.
Other than that though, great poem and good luck in the WCC!
-Amy
Ooh I like the rhyming :) And also you've managed to put a lot of meaning in a short space, sehr gut!
I haven't decided about the 'Never Never' at the beginning of each stanza. I think it's good to have consistancy, but then on the other hand it does get a bit repetitive.
One thing I didn't like was all of the capital letters when they aren't needed ;) But then I think that's personal preference, so don't listen to that. I think it's just reading 'Will...' and then I expect a '?' at the end, so it throws me off a bit with the flow.
Other than that though, great poem and good luck in the WCC!
-Amy
2/3/2009 c1 18Lime-Cat
Since this is a poem, I can attack it at will... :D
I wasn't a fan of "Never Never" - too repetitive. I see what you're trying to do and by doing so, your poem sounds a bit strained - think constipated. XD
I didn't get the feeling of horror until I saw that this poem is categorized under Horror/Tragedy. That is to say, if I wasn't told that this is Horror/Tragedy, I would think it is Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Just seeing the categorization made me read this from a horror perspective and that helped a bit, but I only felt a slight hint of both horror and tragedy as if it were underlying emotions. Not as much as I would have liked, unfortunately. How do I say this, I didn't get that spine-chilling effect that I hoped for. T_T
I do like the formatting though...so kudos on that. (see? I have nice things to say!) The end rhyme flowed smoothly and didn't sound choppy at all...it fit right in there. :D
I especially liked "Will you love again. / Pain will be your closest friend." - it's slightly angsty. Haha.
Hope I gave you some useful critique. and if I didn't...sorry i couldn't be of help. *shame*
-Lime
18Lime-CatSince this is a poem, I can attack it at will... :D
I wasn't a fan of "Never Never" - too repetitive. I see what you're trying to do and by doing so, your poem sounds a bit strained - think constipated. XD
I didn't get the feeling of horror until I saw that this poem is categorized under Horror/Tragedy. That is to say, if I wasn't told that this is Horror/Tragedy, I would think it is Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Just seeing the categorization made me read this from a horror perspective and that helped a bit, but I only felt a slight hint of both horror and tragedy as if it were underlying emotions. Not as much as I would have liked, unfortunately. How do I say this, I didn't get that spine-chilling effect that I hoped for. T_T
I do like the formatting though...so kudos on that. (see? I have nice things to say!) The end rhyme flowed smoothly and didn't sound choppy at all...it fit right in there. :D
I especially liked "Will you love again. / Pain will be your closest friend." - it's slightly angsty. Haha.
Hope I gave you some useful critique. and if I didn't...sorry i couldn't be of help. *shame*
-Lime