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for The Burgundy Shade

9/4/2013 c1 2raspberrypicolt
So. This is perhaps a bit strange, but this is the girl who used to write as fairies and snapple. And has, of course, already told you how much she loves your work! But alas, when she (okay, the third person bit just got weird) I attempted to reach out upon returning to fiction press (because I wisely set a reminder to write and let you know, should you still be on this site as well!) I found that you had disabled private messaging. So this is a way of saying, hey! New account! Also, you're still awesome, and I hope you're doing great and life is treating you well :)
12/18/2009 c1 3Chocolate is Yummy
Wow. very descriptive. nice work. Personally, i suck on the descriptive apartment, i just come up with a basic idea of a story. But awesome work. Description is good. :)
8/9/2009 c1 24fairies and snapple
I like how descriptive this is. Taking something simple, and making something much bigger out of it. Just, overall, it seems very peaceful.
5/1/2009 c1 No Name 7429035
yo, yo, yo!

nice drabble. you have a good way with words. :3 the whole mindless puppet thing makes me think of a puppetmaster who has control over someone oh so randomly. lol. odd, i get random things from . . . things . . . that have nothing to do with the thing! XD

huh...i really am the only girl on the earth who doesn't have a purse. heh, i found out that girls all put on perfume differently. X3

This reminds me of a school day. gah. GAUGH!

alright now, the constructive crit i have to give. woo! those two paragraphs are pretty big. maybe think of . . . seperating them into smaller, maybe four or five paragraphs. maybe i have a reading disorder or something but it was kind of hard to read with it chunked together. ^_^;;


4/29/2009 c1 anon goddess
Hey! It's me from FF.

I really loved this fic and I think it just goes to show that we fall into familiar routines almost subconsciously. This is definitely a well thought out piece of writing and I enjoyed it very much.

-anon goddess ;)
2/18/2009 c1 Samuel Harrisson
Ok, you have a very interesting idea here! However there were a few areas that need work. When you said "she headed on towards the bathroom but stunned stopped in front of the mirror to glance at the pale girl in the mirror" there were a couple mistakes in that sentence. Stunned stopped doesn't really mesh well together. You might want to say "she headed on towards the bathroom but stopped, stunned at her reflection in the mirror." Although all I basically did was switch them around, it now sounds a lot less awkward.

Also, you said mirror twice in that one sentence. You might want to try mixing that around too!

Overall your piece has potential, and if you work on it a little more and even expand it, you might have a story to be reckoned with! Thanks a lot and have a great day!


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