12/30/2009 c1 6Yoron
Well, to be young is to hurt. As you grow older you will still hurt but you will be able to balance it better, and that's a promise. As for love :)
Try for friends first, love comes and go, but a really god friend is there for you. And if they ain't?
Then they weren't that good, were they?
The funny thing about love is that every time feels as the one and only..
Every time :)
Trust me on that.
As far as I can see you're no failure, You write good, even if slightly black. You're honest and try your best, that's a good sight more than most are able to. Take it a little easy on yourself SV.
Life is hard enough without you becoming your hardest critic.
And the poem is good, but as I said, a little dark.
Not that I expect you to want to write about 'my little pony', but there was a time :)
Keep laughing, someone is going to ask you why :)
Well, to be young is to hurt. As you grow older you will still hurt but you will be able to balance it better, and that's a promise. As for love :)
Try for friends first, love comes and go, but a really god friend is there for you. And if they ain't?
Then they weren't that good, were they?
The funny thing about love is that every time feels as the one and only..
Every time :)
Trust me on that.
As far as I can see you're no failure, You write good, even if slightly black. You're honest and try your best, that's a good sight more than most are able to. Take it a little easy on yourself SV.
Life is hard enough without you becoming your hardest critic.
And the poem is good, but as I said, a little dark.
Not that I expect you to want to write about 'my little pony', but there was a time :)
Keep laughing, someone is going to ask you why :)
2/14/2009 c1 190Manifest-Destiny-x X
On paper, the rhyme should work, but when you say it out loud, sometimes calling it slant would even be a stretch. Also, much of the rhyme is predictable, or even inevitable.
I must admit that I do like the topic. However, it could be portrayed better if the rhyme and word choice were brushed up a bit.
On paper, the rhyme should work, but when you say it out loud, sometimes calling it slant would even be a stretch. Also, much of the rhyme is predictable, or even inevitable.
I must admit that I do like the topic. However, it could be portrayed better if the rhyme and word choice were brushed up a bit.
2/8/2009 c1 612simpleplan13
Fellow RGer you should join the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!
I think some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced. Like the devised and demise and depression and admiration. I might try to change some of that so it flowed better.
I really like the first stanza. The idea of having a light for a second and then losing it. It's something most people can relate to and it's a sad situation. The ending though, I didn't like that second line in the last stanza. It was a bit cliched. The rest of it was really good though.
Fellow RGer you should join the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!
I think some of the rhyming seemed a bit forced. Like the devised and demise and depression and admiration. I might try to change some of that so it flowed better.
I really like the first stanza. The idea of having a light for a second and then losing it. It's something most people can relate to and it's a sad situation. The ending though, I didn't like that second line in the last stanza. It was a bit cliched. The rest of it was really good though.
2/6/2009 c1 unknown person
Nice poem..i can relate
Nice poem..i can relate