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for The Little Girl

2/9/2009 c1 19Twyla Cole
Hey Antonella (great pen name)

...hm... I have read your other stuff as well, so I suppose this can be a review for all of them. Right now a lot of it seems really surface, a lot of chronology, you know? Justa sequence of events. You can dig deeper. Don't worry about being clear to your audience until it is totally clear to you. Explore every facet of what you want to say.

I saw that Vince Loring commented on one of your pieces. Me and him have been in contact through here helping each other out. Thats how I found you. Here is just a bit of advice, that you dont have to take, but something that teachers and other writers have always said to me.

"Don't tell, show." Meaning that to be a good writer and to express what you have to say you have to use your words not only to tell a story but to create a world. So don't force yourself into a rhyme scheme, that doesn't make poetry. Focus on how you are making your audience feel. What kind of sounds are you using? What do these sounds relate to? What picture does it create?

and this was a really long review...haha, sorry. I think you have a lot of potential! Keep writing!


Twyla Cole

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