for A Woman Scorned2/10/2009 c1 
2The Jab
Okay, I'm here from the Review Game
I liked the low difficulty of reading. It didn't lose my attention at all. I just kept reading, which I find kind of hard to do on most fiction press stories. It was a decent plot (for a one shot) and didn't glorify alcohol.
It seemed like a lot of it was just kind of listing events off. Like there wasn't much detail, but again this is a one shot..
Happy Writing,
The Jab
2The JabOkay, I'm here from the Review Game
I liked the low difficulty of reading. It didn't lose my attention at all. I just kept reading, which I find kind of hard to do on most fiction press stories. It was a decent plot (for a one shot) and didn't glorify alcohol.
It seemed like a lot of it was just kind of listing events off. Like there wasn't much detail, but again this is a one shot..
Happy Writing,
The Jab
2/9/2009 c1 2kyuubified
I enjoyed this immensely, I like the descriptions of the characters and setting; it had an almost dream like feel, kind of appropriate due to drunkenness.
2kyuubifiedI enjoyed this immensely, I like the descriptions of the characters and setting; it had an almost dream like feel, kind of appropriate due to drunkenness.
2/9/2009 c1 6Indie Tangles
Okay, so I really liked this on the whole; the intro was kind of neat, "He played soccer in the fall and basketball in the winter." V. pimp, if I do say so. :) I liked the way the ending was so bitter, and so anticlimactic, in a good way. I like how Cowboy said "bendover" instead of hangover, it was cute in a more genuine kind of mumbly-hungover-crosscultural way than when people get all stupid and write a ton of "how you say ... pancakes?" Haha.
Anyways, the only real problem I had with this story is that I found several things I'd consider awkward wording but I don't know if other people would. The repeated "girlfriend" in two consecutive sentances in the intro (could be fixed with "new one" or something, or not), and you use both "many boys" (twice) and "many girls" in close proximity.
And when you describe the BFF (I love her name :)) you wrote "she was gorgeous too" but it seems like you're trying to say too gorgeous, because you describe her before Lou, and when you do, she isn't supposed to be a knockout.
Anyways, all of those are just my oppinion. Good job. :)
6Indie TanglesOkay, so I really liked this on the whole; the intro was kind of neat, "He played soccer in the fall and basketball in the winter." V. pimp, if I do say so. :) I liked the way the ending was so bitter, and so anticlimactic, in a good way. I like how Cowboy said "bendover" instead of hangover, it was cute in a more genuine kind of mumbly-hungover-crosscultural way than when people get all stupid and write a ton of "how you say ... pancakes?" Haha.
Anyways, the only real problem I had with this story is that I found several things I'd consider awkward wording but I don't know if other people would. The repeated "girlfriend" in two consecutive sentances in the intro (could be fixed with "new one" or something, or not), and you use both "many boys" (twice) and "many girls" in close proximity.
And when you describe the BFF (I love her name :)) you wrote "she was gorgeous too" but it seems like you're trying to say too gorgeous, because you describe her before Lou, and when you do, she isn't supposed to be a knockout.
Anyways, all of those are just my oppinion. Good job. :)
2/9/2009 c1 9Dot Cubed
YES! i am so excited this is up, you have no idea. like, seriously. and honestly, even if it's nothing like i wanted, i will love with anyway.
um, okay, colton sounds sexy. just putting that one out there. i mean, british accent? HOT. hahaha
"It was probably some sort of weird boy slang for man whore or something." -haha! so far that is my favorite line. i love louise already.
kaylyn! there's a kaylyn!
“Hey you!” or “Louise!” or “Yo, co-captain!” -hahaha have i mentioned how much i love louise? because i do. she's just too awesome for words.
"because if I didn’t know where I was going I was probably the worst driver in the history of the world." -ME TOO. i cannot do directions to save my LIFE. like i will need a gps permanently installed in my car.
ha, i love kaylyn and lou's relationship. like kaylyn's just digging through her clothes. they're awesome.
"I was just given fist bumps and weird looks." -hahahaha okay, this is my new favorite line, just because i can picture it and it's (picture) perfect.
i like how disoriented (i don't know if that's the right word) lou feels. like you're really capturing drunkenness XD
AND OMG HOT SEXY BOY IS COWBOY/COLTON
"Kaylyn had given me a look when I had wanted to wear a bra." -haha
[I was pretty sure I wasn’t Mallory Monroe. Therefore…I just slept with Cowboy.
Fuck.] -HAHA LOU! i mean, okay, yeah, she's gonna be in a lot of trouble with mallory, probably, but i love how this is her first reaction to it.
[“Who’re you?” He softly slurred. “Fuck, I’ve got a bend over.”] -oh dear. cowboy remembers nothing.
“A hangover, whoever you are.” -hahaha i kind of love cowboy now. even while hungover.
"I lost my virginity on Valentine’s Day." -oh no! if i was lou i'd be freaking out about it. possibly sobbing.
oh crap, mallory shows up.
MY QUOTE! haha
aw, mallory reminds me of emerson a little. but still, she is just flying off the handle, isn't she? i mean she has every right to but STILL. poor lou.
“I’m guessing we shouldn’t have slept together?” -haha, lou is so casual about this.
aw, the ending is kind of sad! poor lou.
but still, I LOVED IT. LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT (x one million) a lot. and you could SO continue it, you know. but like no pressure or anything, of course.
haha
9Dot CubedYES! i am so excited this is up, you have no idea. like, seriously. and honestly, even if it's nothing like i wanted, i will love with anyway.
um, okay, colton sounds sexy. just putting that one out there. i mean, british accent? HOT. hahaha
"It was probably some sort of weird boy slang for man whore or something." -haha! so far that is my favorite line. i love louise already.
kaylyn! there's a kaylyn!
“Hey you!” or “Louise!” or “Yo, co-captain!” -hahaha have i mentioned how much i love louise? because i do. she's just too awesome for words.
"because if I didn’t know where I was going I was probably the worst driver in the history of the world." -ME TOO. i cannot do directions to save my LIFE. like i will need a gps permanently installed in my car.
ha, i love kaylyn and lou's relationship. like kaylyn's just digging through her clothes. they're awesome.
"I was just given fist bumps and weird looks." -hahahaha okay, this is my new favorite line, just because i can picture it and it's (picture) perfect.
i like how disoriented (i don't know if that's the right word) lou feels. like you're really capturing drunkenness XD
AND OMG HOT SEXY BOY IS COWBOY/COLTON
"Kaylyn had given me a look when I had wanted to wear a bra." -haha
[I was pretty sure I wasn’t Mallory Monroe. Therefore…I just slept with Cowboy.
Fuck.] -HAHA LOU! i mean, okay, yeah, she's gonna be in a lot of trouble with mallory, probably, but i love how this is her first reaction to it.
[“Who’re you?” He softly slurred. “Fuck, I’ve got a bend over.”] -oh dear. cowboy remembers nothing.
“A hangover, whoever you are.” -hahaha i kind of love cowboy now. even while hungover.
"I lost my virginity on Valentine’s Day." -oh no! if i was lou i'd be freaking out about it. possibly sobbing.
oh crap, mallory shows up.
MY QUOTE! haha
aw, mallory reminds me of emerson a little. but still, she is just flying off the handle, isn't she? i mean she has every right to but STILL. poor lou.
“I’m guessing we shouldn’t have slept together?” -haha, lou is so casual about this.
aw, the ending is kind of sad! poor lou.
but still, I LOVED IT. LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT (x one million) a lot. and you could SO continue it, you know. but like no pressure or anything, of course.
haha