for Whats a girl to do?4/26/2012 c5 Mazarine
wow nice story ;D i really like it hope you continue and PLEASE don't delte for me :) good job although i think this should at least be K+ if not T lol i can tell it will be getting jucier :P
wow nice story ;D i really like it hope you continue and PLEASE don't delte for me :) good job although i think this should at least be K+ if not T lol i can tell it will be getting jucier :P
2/16/2009 c5 
2BreeJalil
Hey, just got your review, thanks!
Thought I'd drop in and see what you got going on here. First thing: i would recommend allowing anon reviews just because if someone has something less then nice (but still helpfull) to say they might now want to sign in, or don't have an account or just don't want to bother signing in.
Second: I skimmed your profile quickly and I noticed that you said that your worked sucked. Even if that is true you should have some confidence in yourself, if you think it sucks why should anyone else read it? Just saying: big turn off.
Third: One thing that bothers me about your story is that it reads like I am the person in the story, (is that first person? i have no clue) alot of people don't like that just because it's weird, it probably seems ok to you because you are writing it but as I'm reading it I think, No, this is not happening it me, this is happening to the character, creepy. try switching to third person (i think its called limit third person) where you can see what everyone is doing but you are really only sort of in one person's head.
Fourth: Proofread! I used to make this mistake a lot but tiny little errors can really detract from your story.
Fifth: Make things real. Ask yourself: Would I do that in real life? If not then either adjust it or give a valid reason why the character would do this thing or act this way.
Sixth: Make it interesting, good girl/bad boy is a good starting point but you need to give the characters depth, why is she a good girl? What makes him a bad boy?
Seventh! Lower the rating until you get into the heavy stuff, when it's Rated M it doesn't show up on the main like Romance list that everyone looks at, you'd have to search for it (thats probably why you aren't getting many readers). Jaided wasn't rated M until like chapter 20 or something. You need a good reader base and then warn everyone that you are switching to M, most people wont mind at all but you need to warn them just in case.
Anyways, that probably more then you wanted, but there it is, have more confidence in your writing.
Good luck! and thanks again for the review, I'm glad you liked my story!
2BreeJalilHey, just got your review, thanks!
Thought I'd drop in and see what you got going on here. First thing: i would recommend allowing anon reviews just because if someone has something less then nice (but still helpfull) to say they might now want to sign in, or don't have an account or just don't want to bother signing in.
Second: I skimmed your profile quickly and I noticed that you said that your worked sucked. Even if that is true you should have some confidence in yourself, if you think it sucks why should anyone else read it? Just saying: big turn off.
Third: One thing that bothers me about your story is that it reads like I am the person in the story, (is that first person? i have no clue) alot of people don't like that just because it's weird, it probably seems ok to you because you are writing it but as I'm reading it I think, No, this is not happening it me, this is happening to the character, creepy. try switching to third person (i think its called limit third person) where you can see what everyone is doing but you are really only sort of in one person's head.
Fourth: Proofread! I used to make this mistake a lot but tiny little errors can really detract from your story.
Fifth: Make things real. Ask yourself: Would I do that in real life? If not then either adjust it or give a valid reason why the character would do this thing or act this way.
Sixth: Make it interesting, good girl/bad boy is a good starting point but you need to give the characters depth, why is she a good girl? What makes him a bad boy?
Seventh! Lower the rating until you get into the heavy stuff, when it's Rated M it doesn't show up on the main like Romance list that everyone looks at, you'd have to search for it (thats probably why you aren't getting many readers). Jaided wasn't rated M until like chapter 20 or something. You need a good reader base and then warn everyone that you are switching to M, most people wont mind at all but you need to warn them just in case.
Anyways, that probably more then you wanted, but there it is, have more confidence in your writing.
Good luck! and thanks again for the review, I'm glad you liked my story!
2/16/2009 c5 1blondiexoxo
omg i cant believe u ended there!
i got really into the story!
hope u update soon
1blondiexoxoomg i cant believe u ended there!
i got really into the story!
hope u update soon