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8/15/2010 c1 26Melladonna
This was very short. I recommend upping how long your chapters are and adding description to your works. Description is very important. It tells the readers what your characters look like, act like, their mannerisms and movements. All of these things allow the reader to visualize your characters. As an author we must remember that not everyone sees the characters like we do, so we have to find a way to describe them to the reader so that they get a clear visual of what they look like and a clear perception of what they act like.

Normal chapters are anywhere from 500-one thousand words and hold your attention. It's hard for a paragraph to hold your attention and the reader finds themselves thinking that it ended too soon. This has potential to be a very good story, given some advice and longer chapters, you could make it into something wonderful.
3/5/2009 c1 Lola Summer
I don't want to be mean, but you should really edit your writing. Or get someone to do it for you. I read the first chapter and found so many mistakes that I am not even going to read any further.

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