for Revelations6/28/2009 c1 
1Ragnelle
This was a lovely story. I found it through The Muse Bunny in the Rating Junction, and just had to take a look. I don't have a long, well-thought review for you, but I liked the atmosphere in this very much. The description of their meeting was very well done, and you made that kiss beautiful!
The only part I think you could improve on, is the revelation at the end. The conversation with the old man and Emily finding out that Will was a ghost stuck me as a bit too typical. Not quite cliché, by bordering on it. The old man feelt too much of a convinient means of exposistion for it to work for me. Perhaps if you worked in more of his background and gave him a reason for being able to guess Will's intentions and beliving Emely's story in the first place, it would work better. Mabye he saw something when he found Will's body? Or he had seen the ghost himself on occation?
I understand that the woodsman _is_ just a means to have the truth reviealed to Emily, but the story would be better if he did not feel that way.
Even so: a lovely story.
1RagnelleThis was a lovely story. I found it through The Muse Bunny in the Rating Junction, and just had to take a look. I don't have a long, well-thought review for you, but I liked the atmosphere in this very much. The description of their meeting was very well done, and you made that kiss beautiful!
The only part I think you could improve on, is the revelation at the end. The conversation with the old man and Emily finding out that Will was a ghost stuck me as a bit too typical. Not quite cliché, by bordering on it. The old man feelt too much of a convinient means of exposistion for it to work for me. Perhaps if you worked in more of his background and gave him a reason for being able to guess Will's intentions and beliving Emely's story in the first place, it would work better. Mabye he saw something when he found Will's body? Or he had seen the ghost himself on occation?
I understand that the woodsman _is_ just a means to have the truth reviealed to Emily, but the story would be better if he did not feel that way.
Even so: a lovely story.
5/6/2009 c1 your infection their plague
It was pretty.
I wish I had some more helpful feedback but I'm kind of...blown away. Still processing it. Th descriptions were awesome, very, very detailed and they flowed. Emily had reactions to things that I wasn't really expecting, but they were reasonable enough. Pretty.
Keep writing. =)
It was pretty.
I wish I had some more helpful feedback but I'm kind of...blown away. Still processing it. Th descriptions were awesome, very, very detailed and they flowed. Emily had reactions to things that I wasn't really expecting, but they were reasonable enough. Pretty.
Keep writing. =)
3/2/2009 c1 theslykit
although it is not a type of story that hasn't been written before..you wrote it very well-simple and lasting..good job!
although it is not a type of story that hasn't been written before..you wrote it very well-simple and lasting..good job!
2/14/2009 c1 a loVe sTricKen aFfaIr
Wow. That was really crazy. It was really good, but it was not what I was expecting. (: You know, I think this has real potential as more than a oneshot. You could totally expand; give her a second chance, or something of that sort. But it was good and very well written.
(;
Wow. That was really crazy. It was really good, but it was not what I was expecting. (: You know, I think this has real potential as more than a oneshot. You could totally expand; give her a second chance, or something of that sort. But it was good and very well written.
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