for Phantom Fox2/15/2009 c1 
4Minoan Ferret
This is a good start. The description is really good and detailed, and this helped to paint a vivid picture of the characters, particularly Kathryn. The story itself is good too; sort of Harry Potter-ish but with animal-people instead of wizards (which is certainly interesting!). And the beginning in the first person helps draw the reader in and adds something of a personal touch from the main character.
A suggestion, and I hope you don't think it's flaming or anything... but you need to use commas a bit more and break some sentences up. That way it'll flow better and really add to the story overall. (I know commas are tricky, so don't worry too much!).
Keep it up!
~Minoan Ferret
(P.S. Pass on the review!)
4Minoan FerretThis is a good start. The description is really good and detailed, and this helped to paint a vivid picture of the characters, particularly Kathryn. The story itself is good too; sort of Harry Potter-ish but with animal-people instead of wizards (which is certainly interesting!). And the beginning in the first person helps draw the reader in and adds something of a personal touch from the main character.
A suggestion, and I hope you don't think it's flaming or anything... but you need to use commas a bit more and break some sentences up. That way it'll flow better and really add to the story overall. (I know commas are tricky, so don't worry too much!).
Keep it up!
~Minoan Ferret
(P.S. Pass on the review!)