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3/10/2014 c11 YG
I lament the long hiatus of this story. it almost demands to be continued. the change, the transition from fearful slave to a free man is very interesting psychologically. of the many stories I've read, very few managed to convey that struggle, that changing balance correctly, richly enough. this work certainly does more than a fair job at it. I would certainly love to see more of it.
9/19/2013 c11 Guest
Please, where have you gone!? Please continue this incredible story!
10/4/2011 c11 Elle
Still really hoping to see more from this story! It's so well-written and the plot is so intriguing on multiple levels. I have been checking back hoping for an update for over a year and I plan to continue doing so... I hope to see more soon!
5/4/2011 c11 Emily
Still hoping to see more from this story. :) Checking in regularly.
4/30/2011 c11 MORE
Kep writing please :)
4/4/2011 c11 5Squirrel Activist
Aw! I am so enjoying this! Your characters are awesome. Usually stories like this just fail because the 'master' is too nice and understanding or the 'slave' is too subservient and has no thoughts of their own and I prefer it when they have some character. So yeah this is awesome, it's just a shame it's been so long since you've updated :D I hope to read more of this soon!
12/21/2010 c11 Lyss
I am absolutely in love with this story. I can't forget about that bit of information that Kinaris has that has Seth so afraid of him... I hope we find out what it is soon. :)
10/4/2010 c11 BB
thanks,good chapter. great to see you back, I'd almost given up.
9/28/2010 c11 23firestar267
This is seriously amazing.

I don't read much fantasy because it has to be really well written to convince me, a lot of the time authors can't pull this off, and it isn't well thought through or executed and I simply can't be bothered to try and believed it.

Your story though, is just amazing. I've read a few stories involving slavery, and yours is very unique and refreshing.

It is brilliantly written, and feels very emotional, deep and raw.

I honestly cannot wait to read more, I have thoroghly enjoyed it so far!
9/28/2010 c11 lmk05
At last! I've really been looking forward to this chapter...

I really like how protective both Cam and Marin are starting to feel towards Seth. I also like that they're starting to feel a sense of pride in him and concern for his development. Although it's interesting that this is developing without Seth having a defined role in their lives. Or, at the moment, his only role is to get better. Which leaves poor Seth in an awkward situation, because there isn't much there for him to feel pride in, and frankly he probably feels like he'll never be the kind of 'better' Marin and Cam hope for.

Also, I liked that you tried to capture the high that comes after winning a fight, although I wish you'd addressed the come down as well. How does Seth feel when the adrenaline wears off and he drops back into reality? There's the physical side - ouch! - but also the emotional side. He got to get a bit of his own back and liked it, but he also could have gotten himself killed if Marin hadn't been there. Now he owes his life to that man in a totally different way. Also, does he realize that Marin went in there to save him, not (just) to save a freewoman or to protect his property?

I liked the line where Marin asks the question suddenly voices his realization that Seth liked fighting, but I wasn't entirely satisfied by Seth's answer. I think it was too long...with his adrenaline still up and his head probably spinning, I'd expect a one word answer or a sentence at most. Perhaps, "And you didn't?" or "I like hitting back" or just a toothy grin and a nod. But there's no way Seth is going to be in the mood for self-analysis right then, which is what it sounds like he's doing. Also, it kind of drains the power of his response.

Still, I'm excited to see how Seth fares in his lessons with Marin. Wonder what that dynamic will be like. Will Seth be worried about hitting a master, or worried about impressing him? Will he do well or be frustrated with how much skill he has lost? What kind of fighter is he - fast, technical, persistent or clever? What are his bad habits? Does he go cold and focused, or can he use his anger for energy?

Anyway, I liked that this chapter felt like it set us up for some interesting dynamics. And I really enjoyed the fight scene - those are hard to pull off and I think you did it well.
9/27/2010 c10 lmk05
Hi! So sorry it took me forever to review this chapter...

First of all, let me say I loved it. I think I've read it about ten times now (all without reviewing, I know. Bad lmk!)

This is my favorite bit in the whole chapter: The last three years, though, had changed him in ways his parents would now never understand, and the nights where he lay awake having endless circular arguments with people frozen in time were some of the worst.

It's a really great insight into how Seth feels about who he is now, as well as how isolated he must feel. It's interesting that he has the self awareness to know that, even if he went home, he'll never really be home again.

The second thing I've got is actually just a question. How come Marin is arriving early in the morning? Did he travel at night? But he didn't sound like he had been up all night, nor did he seem in enough of a hurry to risk it. Or did he get a room somewhere nearby...and if so, why not just come home? I am curious...

I also loved the bit of dialogue where Cam is throwing up and Marin is completely unsympathetic. It's a great touch of humor and practicality in what could be a really overwrought moment.

The whole scene with the broken bowl I absolutely loved. Partly because I love seeing that particular dynamic play out...the one where the slave screws up and expects the worse, but is then forgiven by the benevolent master. In fact, it's practically a prerequisite for this kind of slavefic, with question being how well you handle it. And I think you did it perfect - not too sentimental, but powerful enough to pack a heavy emotional punch. And get us into new territory with Seth and Cam.

A minor quibble in that scene though. You wrote, referring to Seth, "Then he noticed that the other man was holding his hands tight against his stomach." But almost everywhere else, Seth and Cam refer to Seth as a boy. Obviously he's growing physically, and given the setting he's probably old enough to be called a man, but it's a bit jarring because it feels inconsistent.

Otherwise, this is one of my favorite chapters!
9/26/2010 c11 Yael Itamar
This chapter could go for a little bit more subtlety. It's too much tell, not enough show.

You don't have to repeat so often how much Set enjoyed the fight. See this part:

"You enjoyed that," said Marin suddenly. He hadn't really meant to say it. What was even more surprising was that Seth did not immediately rush into pleading or apologies. Rather, he looked away for a moment, as though considering, and then met Marin's eyes again.

"It was – not unsatisfying. The chance to fight back."

Marin nodded slowly. "Yes, I can understand that."

"And there's always something – something energising about a fight. Especially one you win."

See this? This (and the earlier description of exhilaration in his eyes is sufficient. You don't have to keep shoving it down your readers' throats that Seth enjoys fighting.

Also, it would be helpful to break up the fight scene paragraphs. It would make them much easier to read.
9/25/2010 c11 Enon
I'm absolutely in love with this. It's cute and endearing, yet heartbreakingly sad, that Seth doesn't know how to react to being treated like a real person. I'm afraid to see what happens when/if they eventually run into Kinaris again.
9/18/2010 c11 Coraa
I just discovered this story and just couldn't stop reading. I love how you developed the characters and the interaction between them. I really enjoyed the story and hope you keep updating it. Can't wait to know where it goes from here.
9/17/2010 c11 Emily
Oh my, I'm so glad to see this hasn't been abandoned! I absolutely loved this chapter, it was so nice to see Seth with his walls lowered a bit for a little while. Thank you so much for the update!
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