for Deeper4/4/2009 c1 
45deefective
Hm, well I have to say that I really like the way you wrote this. The flow was smooth and the writing itself fit the piece. I also like the questions you put in there. It gave the piece that ominous feel that comes from someone who finally doesn't care anymore. But, I do think that you ended this too soon. That last line felt like there was a whole lot more to say. Other than that, nicely done.
45deefectiveHm, well I have to say that I really like the way you wrote this. The flow was smooth and the writing itself fit the piece. I also like the questions you put in there. It gave the piece that ominous feel that comes from someone who finally doesn't care anymore. But, I do think that you ended this too soon. That last line felt like there was a whole lot more to say. Other than that, nicely done.
3/15/2009 c1 9Mayo on toast
I like your use of rhetorical questions; they add another layer to the persona in the poem. The ruby halo was good imagery, I thought, I liked it.
"How about the truth?
I’m sick of all the lies."
These lines made we wonder; Who are they aimed at? Yourself, or everyone else? Everytime I read them I get a different answer.
Overall, good poem.
9Mayo on toastI like your use of rhetorical questions; they add another layer to the persona in the poem. The ruby halo was good imagery, I thought, I liked it.
"How about the truth?
I’m sick of all the lies."
These lines made we wonder; Who are they aimed at? Yourself, or everyone else? Everytime I read them I get a different answer.
Overall, good poem.