for Pressure3/3/2009 c1 
17sunday night sky
Hi! I like this. In your profile you say you write mostly songs, is this a song too? Just so I can try and put it to a tune in my head...
Personally, I would like to see more metaphors or similes... eg 'pressure like compressed sand' or 'pumping up that old tyre (tire) until it nearly bursts' or something to do with deep sea diving... just something to create more imagery for the reader.
Otherwise, I really like this - and I can relate! I think many people can. Keep writing =]
17sunday night skyHi! I like this. In your profile you say you write mostly songs, is this a song too? Just so I can try and put it to a tune in my head...
Personally, I would like to see more metaphors or similes... eg 'pressure like compressed sand' or 'pumping up that old tyre (tire) until it nearly bursts' or something to do with deep sea diving... just something to create more imagery for the reader.
Otherwise, I really like this - and I can relate! I think many people can. Keep writing =]