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for Silver and Gold Idols

9/6/2009 c1 L-Lilith
This is interesting. Maybe you should start by talking about the "Rakshasas" and explaining it a little bit. Also, you say "that reminds me of my own" but then talk about the fathers and grandfathers of others. What is the background of the narrator that she has only heard the story once? I want to know more.
4/28/2009 c1 368EWindheim
Interesting approach. I like the rhyme scheme. My criticism is that it could use more imagery and metaphor.
3/30/2009 c1 43Dante's Disciple
I like how you ask the idols to reveal thier secrets, the way you do so expresses their charm and allure well, nice flow, keep writing :)
3/21/2009 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for your review awhile back sorry it took me so long to return the favor.

Tells the stories of old... tell (silver and gold is plural)

"That was chiseled in stone/That reminds me of my own"... I didn't like repeating the word that

"The Rakshasas that you abhor"... I have no idea what that word means. Maybe an a/n explaining it?

I liked the piece though, subtle rhyming and nice descriptions and idea.

PS If you're bored this weekend, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
3/4/2009 c1 59radioactive stanica
It was a little bit forced I would have to admit in some parts ,but I was trying to think of something that would rhyme. I was trying to make it something simple, but for me it had to hold a lot of meaning.
2/21/2009 c1 Isca
This poem was unique, flowed well, and had some nice 'spiritual' imagery. :)
2/21/2009 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Really great oem! I love how you took objects and gave them such spiritual meaning. Also, just looking at your title, I'm wondering if there's a bit of a hidden message there.

Looking at this from a technical aspect, it's good as well. Nice flow and rhythm, and decent rhyme. It felt a bit forced at times ("Of all the Gods that are blue" in particular), but the general effect was worth it.

Great work! :D

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