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for I want to be Mother Earth

1/31/2010 c1 Isca
WORD PLAY: I really like the alliteration of "build boats." However, I do think that you capitalized words too much in this poem. For example, "New World" and "Mother Earth" are perfectly fine, but does "And Heavy LifeGiving Breasts" really need to be capitalized? I think not.

FORM: To be honest, my eyes hurt a little from trying to follow the form. It's unique, I'll give you that, but it's too busy for my liking. The "CURL" sections, in particular, are distracting. I'd like the format of this poem better if it had stanzas; perhaps you could use italics instead of capitalization too.

IMAGES: I really liked the line, "I want trees to grow from my skinbonemuscles," as the imagery was very vivid and avant-garde. The fact that you combined the last three words gave this line a very primal, spiritual tone (which I liked). The line, "I want Human Beings to crawl out of the pressure of my spine," was also very interesting, as the imagery's mind-boggling and modern.

TONE: I loved the tone of the line, "That's why I carry stress," it's just so blunt and thought-provoking. The line, "When I start to die, my toes will curl," was also brilliant; in fact, it's probably my favourite line from the piece, as it's quite angsty and raw.

(The Review Game - Poems - Depth)
1/28/2010 c1 3Little-fur
Dude this is awesome! just amazing, and how you've arranged your words is awesome too
1/25/2010 c1 1Charel Lebl
Very impressionistic! It is definitely unique and interesting! I like the way you space words out and use the lines to enunciate your meaning. There are a few typos and grammar errors, and you could actually seperate the different parts into mini paragraphs, but other than that, very nice! I can see you have a flow for poetry. Keep writing!
6/30/2009 c1 18vyre
Wow. I love this. I don't know why, or how but...it's just got this magic in it. So simplistic, yet beautiful. Well done.
4/11/2009 c1 91fairytale failure
Very original poem. The images were unique - the description felt earthy and very real, with solid pictures in my mind, which fits well with the subject of the poem. I think the format is creative, with your use of line breaks to spell out the word 'curl' slowly, and using techniques like ellipses and capitals to force the reader to experience the poem the way you want them to. However, I am not a big fan of some formatting choices, like the double spaces between lines (distracting in a poem) and capitalization of words that would not normally be capitalized. Once again, I find it distracting, and I am not always certain why you are capitalizing things. I really loved the thought of humans coming out of your backbone, and the feeling of wanting to nurture was well-described and also relateable for many women. However, I was slightly confused by the ending. It seemed to start bringing to poem in a different direction, and I was not sure what was the purpose for that.
3/30/2009 c1 21Antonella Marie
Beautiful. I love it. It's just something every woman wants to embrace in their lives; being a mother. The only thing I don't understand is why some of the words (i.e. "CURL") are the way they are. But really other than that, phenomenal.
3/6/2009 c1 36Kate Marshall
(Dephth review for RG)

Yowza. I'll start with ENJOYMENT: Overall, I am thoroughly confused with this poem. But I don't hold that against the poem because hey, half the fun of poetry is trying to figure out what in the world the author is talking about anyway. ^_^ Everything had a mysterious feel to it. I felt like I knew what you were talking about, but then not really.

The SUBJECT is interesting. It's especially interesting combined with your personification. The imagery was strong and a lot of the time, that left me with some weird mental pictures. Considering the earth's round and you made it a person. But you took a commonly-used theme and made your own twist to it. ;D

The FLOW, I thought surprisingly held up well! You do so much with format that it's easy to break the rhythm and feel of everything. I read one of your reviews and someone didn't like all the caps, but I thought it was fine. It added strength to the words for me. So your poem wasn't super steady, but that didn't bother me. :)

But I gotta admit, I really hate the FORM. I'm biased on this one because I'm not a fan of the double-spacing block stanzas anyway. And I also think the poem would be more fun to look at with single-spaces. That would bring out all your broken-up words, too.

Last thing, your WORD CHOICE made this poem to me. The personification was unusually more human than I would've originally expected. I've read plenty of those mother earth poems, but this was so human. Words about her toes curling in and her bones and muscles and shoulders was really odd, but interesting to read! I had a hard time even remembering that you weren't writing about a person. So great word choice!

I know this review seems very vague on whether I liked it or not, but the poem's different. And for that, I like it. Great job!
3/4/2009 c1 29Vince Loring
I like it. i got chills from it

1. I reconize that the theme here seems to be motherhood, something that i will never get to "enjoy."

2. The rythem of it seems odd. Like it could be put in a more traditional stanza form, but you have chosen to make it disjointed. why?

3. Why are some words odd. words like "curl" and Between my toes?

4. What exactly are you referancing? colombus with the new world thing, or something else?
2/26/2009 c1 28mikey magee
Form: I love the form of the poem. It's all very original, and it changed depending on the meaning of each of the different lines. I do think some of it can be removed though. They kind of threw off the flow a little. Like "s...l...o...l...y" I can see where you're coming from, but it might have worked better if you put each word on a different line.

Imagery: A very strong point of the piece. I loved how you used personification to create a character. It made the poem come a live. Lines like "with trees on her shoulder" were very nice touches. They conveyed a nice imagery. I also loved the last two lines because they suggested immortality in a refreshing way. Nice job!

Word Choice: The word choice was nice. I liked how it all stayed consistent but also had an air of sadness to it.

Flow: The flow was a little bit chunky in some places, but it was for sake of characterization so it's alright. I do think it would help a little bit more if you cut back just a tiny bit on the form. For example, using all caps could be used only once or twice.

Tone: The tone was nice. It stayed consistent with "wanting" which was conveyed very well. What I loved most was that you presented a character (mother earth) and her goals and needs (I want to feel sprouts. etc..." without going overboard and making her seem whinny. Well done.

Well done!
2/21/2009 c1 138lael1bologna
Great job! I like it!
2/21/2009 c1 lymli
I like the imagery about being like the mother earth.

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