6/1/2009 c3 24Miss Bob
Hey, do not knock our playlist! It rocked, and you know it!

Ahaha.. I remember under the table, it was fun...

["I’d be more than ha-ha-happy to turn you on, M-Mister,” she said to a floor lamp.] Bahahaha! *lol death and fall off chair routine*

[She hesitated and made to pull away but held her close – as if he never meant to let her go.] Is that meant to be 'but he held her close'? Nice line anyways :)

*le love-struck sigh* Bubbles and mystery man, sittin' in a tree- no. Doesn't really roll off the tongue. Bubbles and Charming, sittin' in a tree...

...I want cake and kisses :(

Eh. Bubbles is blind, no? To not tell the difference between Manuel with and sans spectamacles? :P

[How can I be with you when I have no claim over you?”] ujkfbaiubdkbdsfAWNOESSADNESS! :( :( :(

[It will be just you and me and acres and acres of coca!”] :o Go for it, fewl! Think of the chocolate!

[I’m sure you’ll be great drug lord.] God, what if they ever make chocolate illegal? :o Sorry. Side thought. Got distracted by horrible prospect.

AND it's over! Well done, Bubbles! I know it didn't end well (what with the multiple broken hearts and what-not), but still, you did a great job and this is a wonderful fic! I think it's the first fully finished RGFF, too (mine should be following soon, murharhar)... so double congratz! I think I still have Chico around here somewhere if you feel like celebrating... ;P

5/29/2009 c1 VelvetyCheerio
Oh no, Bubbles, I never knew how hilarious the story of Manuel could be. XD roflmao Oh jeez, I know you were sad, but I was crackin' up!

[One can’t exactly have a “normal” relationship with a stripperlo from Celebrate night club.] And it all started with this sentence.

[They didn’t date; didn’t shower each other with gifts; didn’t even carry pictures of each other in their wallets. But they were in love.] Mmhm. Sure. XD

[Amid the wild and sweating mass of limbs, Bubbles could make out her friend’s giddy grin.] Oh jeez, I think I'm glad I hadn't joined at this time. That sounds a little too much for me. XD

[“You ladies enjoy your hen party. I’m going to watch footy highlights on my last night of freedom. That is all.”] He sounds so uninterested. Oh, Zion. Whatever will we do with him?

[That’s where it all started.” Beatles swooned.] *snicker* Love sick pup.

[“As soon as I’m caught up, you can let me know exactly how sorry you are.”] Get 'em Bubbles. XD Work that stripper for all he's worth!

[“Um, do I pay you to be the voice of reason? No, I don’t think I do.” She pulled her rebelling hair into a messy bun] For some reason, when I read this, I had the strangest idea you were talking to your hair. I don't know why, either.

[She didn’t hear him say, “I have to go, Corazón.” She didn’t feel him give her a peck on the cheek. She didn’t notice him leave her side.] And this is how it ends... No! Why, bubbles, why? D:

[ Frac’s pick was exceptionally… flexible.] *snicker* Wootwoot!

[She felt her heart rate increase at the thought of being at a party and not getting any.] Of course, Bubbles, of course. XD

[Now, however, attention was being honed on to the hardwood armchair rocking madly in the corner.] Jeez, Karas is an animal, no matter how much she says she hates them.

[“Sorry Bubbles!” Karas gasped in that clipped British accent. “I'm a little busy right no – ah! AH! Oh… oh, that's it, mhmm…”] Oh God.

[“I said on your knees, fool!”] Bubbles is a master pimp, that is all. O_O

[“I don’t want your sloppy seconds! You break those men! They are never the same after you!”] Oh the horror! And Karas is shameless! Blasphemy!

[“I don’t have problem with what Sesshy does with other girls,” Radio sighed, not knowing those words would later haunt her.] Yes, haunt her they did indeed.

[“I lose my delicious hunk of Colombian perfection and you bring me –” She mulled over the words. “A Mexican midget?” The man huffed away.] This was what had me cracking up so hard. Mexican midget? Bwahahahaha! lmao

[“I just want to play dirty games with sexy men who don’t have Karas-induced post traumatic stress disorder! Is that too much to ask?”] That's definitely a lot to say. XD

[“If there is, I’m not taking you! All you attract is under-aged punks and feminine pansies.] You can always count on Lassie to be brutally honest. XD Gotta love her.

I can't believe there's only one chapter after this. It's definitely on my alerts though, I find it amazingly hilarious. :D

Fang.

5/28/2009 c2 Chasing Skylines
[Don’t judge her! He was a good man! Twisted, but a good man, dammit!]

Lol. I remember that.

[still no one answer her.]

Answer should be answered.

[Even Frac herself, was being transformed.]

Don't think the comma's necessary.

[appeared overtop]

Are you sure you used "overtop" right? It's a verb that means "exceed in height." Why not just use "over?"

[began.“]

Needs a space after the period.

[“I really should have marked the page for marriage ceremonies…” Finally she went to the index, looking under the heading “Punishments and Other Acts of Torture.”]

XD

[Bubbles looked horrible.]

Like she usually does.

-wizard hiding skills-

[“Honey, I know you're excited,” Karas said as Zion panted. “But now really isn't the time.”]

XD

[“Let’s get this thing over with.]

Missing the ending quotation.

[of the Radio and Sesshy]

As much as we're flattered being called "the" Radio and Sesshy, "the" shouldn't be there.

[“Please,” Beatles said in a small pleading voice.]

Maybe you could reword this? Since "please" and then "pleading voice" is sort of redundant sounding. "said in a meek voice"? Body expression like clasped hands or something? etc.

[In a moment of fleeting empathy, Frac brought in an amorphous, gender neutral and racially ambiguous plastic doll and propped it up in a chair.]

XD

[proud of her incredible ability to put on foot in front of the other.]

XD

"on" should be "one."

[“Yeah, I’m gonna assume you’ve gotten here already.” Beatles sprinted the last few feet as Frac continued.]

XD

[and a renewal of their life insurance policy]

XD

["Oh it’s a wonderful... stopwatch?" ]

Should be a comma after "oh."

[Karas beamed. "Try it with strawberries! It's very yummy with strawberries."]

XD

[She turned the paper towel over to find her place. “Future.]

XD Missing ending quotation marks, btw.

[May your love last forever and ever amen!]

Is that a run-on? Why isn't "amen" a sentence of its own, or at least have a comma (though a semi-colon would be more appropriate, but I think the best route is making it a new sentence) before it?

[twisted twilight romance]

Do you mean the time of day or the book? Pretty sure it's the latter, since twilight can't serve as an adjective (it'd be twilit), so Twilight should be capitalized.

[“Oh Bubbles!”]

Should be a comma after "oh."

[v inappropriate]

Was that how it was? Even if it's meant to be an abbreviation, it should at least have a period after v. Why not just "very?"

Hail.

- Sesshy

2/25/2009 c1 24Miss Bob
Oh. Sweet. Reggy.

O.O

I have never laughed so hard IN MY LIFE!

Bubbles, darling, I never knew! You and Manuel! I hope it will all work out, truly! XD

[Beatles scowled at Zion’s retreating figure. “Footy? Ew. That’s just… no.”]

zomigosh! I remember that!

[The iBackread was an invaluable piece of technology.]

Ah, the trusty iBackread, where would we be without it?

[The rich smell of ground coffee brought a smile to her lips. Bubbles relaxed against his 6’2’’ frame and tousled his thick black hair. ]

Dayum. Seriously. Dayum. Manual sounds HAWT. Love the coffee touch.

[“Omigawd!” Another outburst. “Beatles chose Karas as her maid of honor!”]

Oh. I remember that too.. the horror XD

[No one believed this, of course; anyone with eyes could see they were in wiz lurve.]

You have never typed a truer word :D

[They had pitted the strippers against each other in a scandalous game of Naked Twister; Frac’s pick was exceptionally… flexible.]

Zohmigawsh! I nearly fell off my chair laughing, seriously!

[With the charm of a well-bred courtier, Zion took Beatles’ hand and gave her a small, teasing kiss. The poor girl nearly melted.]

Mine, all mine!

["Sorry Bubbles!” Karas gasped in that clipped British accent. “I'm a little busy right no – ah! AH! Oh… oh, that's it, mhmm…”]

Oh. My. Lord. *has to cling to table to keep from falling off chair*

[“Left knee, yellow!” she barked. “I said on your knees, fool!”]

lol

[“You shouldn’t let a man come between you, girls; maybe – I mean, I’m sure you can share?” She gagged a bit at the mental image her own suggestion incited and gladly accepted the vodka Zion offered. Vodka washes away all problems…]

I remember that too! Ah! Bubbles, you are a GENIUS!

“I lose my delicious hunk of Colombian perfection and you bring me –” She mulled over the words. “A Mexican midget?” The man huffed away.

*really does fall of chair* other people in the room are looking at me weird now, thanks Bubbles XD

[“Psh, fuck if I know.” Lassie continued her scavenger hunt through the OT fridge.]

You got lassie DOWN!

This is so awesome, hun! Really! I cannot WAIT for the next chapter! *hopes there is another chapter, for my sanity alone*

(also, a little note to Sesshy, Gerard Butler's name IS Gerard. Get some facts before you correct! :D)

2/25/2009 c1 Carus
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!

This was worth the wait XD

...LAWL! I seem like a complete slut! It's HILARIOUS!

I love how you used real quotes :D Oh and the iBackread is great! And it's written really well too. And the Twister bit! LOL

I love it all.

-Karas :D

p.s. ...Manuel says hi ;)

2/24/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
I wanted to give you a short review, but instead, I'll just list all the funny parts to keep my long review rep', ya know? XD

My wiz bud beta'd this, so I won't worry over syntax, prose, and technicalities like usual. And from the looks of this, regarding length and paragraph size, it looks like it has substance. :D

[“Omigawd, Karas!” Amid the wild and sweating mass of limbs, Bubbles could make out her friend’s giddy grin. Her eyes darted around the room as she realized what was going on. Dancing, random hook-ups, gratuitous drinking… it could only mean one thing: Party in the OT!]

[[Jeans and a t-shirt do not a sex kitten make!]]

[“You can have ‘em if you can find – Oh!” Bubbles rolled her eyes and began the hunt for Karas’ long discarded clothes.]

[Dodging the flying projectiles that jettisoned this way and that as part of Sesshy’s and Dolly’s full-blown bar brawl,]

Initially confused by the phrasing. Then I got that you meant it as 'this way and that,' as in not how I strung it together, 'that as part of [...].'

And haha, I remember that. 'Cept I didn't remember it was Dolly, haha.

[Zion brushed his shoulders of]

Typo. Should be 'off.'

[“You ladies enjoy your hen party. I’m going to watch footy highlights on my last night of freedom. That is all.”]

Particularly the last part, I can see you got the characterization down.

[That’s where it all started,” Beatles swooned.]

Typo. Should be a period after started.

[With that she went back to the iBackread.]

It wasn't particularly glaring, but I suggest you contemplate whether or not 'returned' could work in place of 'went back.'

[Besides,” Bubbles pouted, “I wanna give a speech!”]

The two commas should be periods.

Oops, got caught up and forgot to list my favorite parts...

Gotta appear positive after listing typos...

I like how you characterized Manuel; you went past just having him be a 'stripperlo.' It will make his raping by Karas all the more dramatic and let the reader have sympathy and laugh. XD

[She didn’t feel him give her peck on the cheek.]

Typo. Missing an 'a' after 'her.'

[“Oh, I don’t know which I love more: forced marriages or demanded ones!”]

XD

-_-'

[At this, Sesshy and Radio groaned in unison, the memory of their coerced wedding all too fresh in their minds. Still the wizards fought the validity of the marriage, swearing in the Speech that they were simply life-long wizardly partners – a powerful bond, yes, but a platonic one. No one believed this, of course; anyone with eyes could see they were in wiz lurve.]

You were going so well with characterization of us... till the last sentence. -_-'

[They had pitted the strippers against each other in a scandalous game of Naked Twister; Frac’s pick was exceptionally… flexible.]

Hahahaha.

I enjoy your versatile verb use. It far overshadows the couple of adverbs I've seen so far. Good job. :D

[“ Marvellous as it is]

No space after the quotation mark.

[Only have one lady on my mind tonight.” ]

Haha, direct quote, right?

[The silence that fell over the OT was eerie. It wasn’t quiet. It was tense, taut, like a stretched rubber band waiting to snap. The OT was usually cacophonous, with each minding his own conversation. Now, however, attention was being honed on to the hardwood armchair rocking madly in the corner.]

Nice paragraph.

[There was a collective cringe by those who knew the consequences of Karas’ actions.]

XD The suspense... must get back to the story now.

[“This is what happens when strippers and OT mix,”]

Another direct quote. They are indeed the best.

'Specially when wizards say it. =P

Heheh, I enjoy this so far. Awesome syntax and dialogue. :)

[This,” she motioned to the debauchery surrounding them, ]

I recommend dash after 'this' instead of comma, then the dash would serve as a period, but no as choppy and be like a 'subtle' way of showing interruption and being grammatically correct. So it would be like this:

[This -” She motioned to the debauchery surrounding them. “- is what you get for picking that skank over me.”]

[here…”]

Don't you mean there, since here is talking about the current place/situation they're in?

[you girls]

Should be 'your girls.'

[savoured]

Since when did you spell things the British way? =P

Unless Canadians do that too. Yeah, they do, don't they?

[“Ha!” Lassie interjected, seeing fit to grace the OT patrons with her wisdom. “Karas: Dick Breaker.”]

Ahahahahahahaha.

[Sesshy promptly and swiftly]

Mocking me by choosing to stick two at once, eh? =P

Still, there aren't many, and I don't mind the adverbs so far.

[smashed a wine bottle over Karas’ head. OT’s regenerative powers got to work immediately but it was the thought that counted.]

XD

[“It was unwilling!” Sesshy said hastily. “I blew up the decoy but she just wouldn’t die…”]

Direct quote! I can only remember the situation vaguely...

[not knowing those words would later haunt her.]

What are you implying? XD

[“Yeah.” Beatles motioned for someone to come in. A squat little man waddled towards her and bowed low.

Bubbles scrunched her nose and poked him with her foot. “What the hell is that thing?”

“It’s Chico!”]

XD

[she mulled over the words.]

Sure 'she' isn't capitalized?

[“I just want to play dirty games with sexy men who don’t have Karas-induced post traumatic stress disorder! ]

XD

[“I should go to the gym sometime today... many hot men gather there...”]

Your direct quotes sound real ('cause they are) and are funny. XD

[“Psh, fuck if I know.”]

You nailed Lassie all right. XD

[Lassie continued her scavenger hunt through the OT fridge.]

That too.

[All you attract is under-aged punks and feminine pansies.]

It's dialogue, so I excuse the fact that it should be 'are' instead of 'is.'

[like Gerard Butler… Damn. I’d bang the hell out of Gerard…”]

It should be 'Gerald' not 'Gerard.' That's the guy's name, if I'm correct.

Haha and aw at the ending. Update soon, though I know you probably won't. XD

Awesome job.