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8/2/2012 c1 42daniellebakerofficial
This was an interesting piece. I would actually suggest you look into more punctuation to help the piece flow more fluidly. The first two stanzas seemed to work perfectly but near the end, I felt it got a bit awkward.

"It made the six o'clock headlines, and I watched
Without interest; though, I can understand how
Lives were ruined,
by all the disorder."

It can do a lot or very little depending on everyone's personal style. And it also can make for a more finite ending. Still, that is just my opinion. The thoughts and diction are there. And I love the nostalgia and mystery in this. Nice work Keep writing
6/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
this is my life. I hate that. I need my crossword puzzle every day, when I don't get it it's like... that feeling when the bus passes over a particularly nasty pothole, or when you're on the verge of sleep and your pseudo-dream ends with shocking abruptness of a fall backwards into darkness.

anyways, that was off topic, but I liked it.
2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
Funny. I laughed. This is true to life, it happens so much. People get annoyed if you don't let them stick with their day to day routine. It's scary. Also, I liked the sarcasm at the end. The speaker seems detached somehow, unsurprised by people's/society's antics.
12/30/2009 c1 26Mirabella
I like this. It seemed to me like an attempt to have people look outside of man made mystery to nature, but they failed to do so. :)

Great work! :)
10/9/2009 c1 32Mairi Cross
Thanks so much for your review! I really liked this, I chuckled. The last few lines have such a sweetly sardonic tone.
3/21/2009 c1 20Minor Masterpiece
I really like this, it gives me the same chills A Softer World does.

(A Softer World is an art site, check them out to get what I mean. And that is meant to be a compliment.)

Keep on keepin' on. :)

3/15/2009 c1 29Vince Loring
what is this inspired by? if i had to guess, it would be the s.m. stirling book, Dies the Fire (an amazing read, i must say), but that sounds unlikly.
3/10/2009 c1 67Lost In Context
I like this. The phrasing is simple yet subtle...The small details really add. Nice job :)
3/10/2009 c1 1girl like cheshire
i likelove the concept of the first stanza,

it was perfect, and having the second two stanzas almost ruins it.
3/6/2009 c1 14Antimatter Matters
A thoughtful poem. Well done.
3/5/2009 c1 thekidd
I loved it, it was different and touching and you just make words fit together really well.
3/4/2009 c1 88multiples of six
I like this. I think my favourite line is the one about noticing the weeds - actually, the whole second stanza is fantastic.

Just out of curiosity, did something like this really happen?
3/3/2009 c1 recycle rhymes
hey it's nice to hear from you. i thought you didn't post on fp anymore. interesting last stanza. nice work.
3/2/2009 c1 8LostInMe
I love the last few lines: "I can understand how / lives were ruined / by all the disorder". They really express the way many things in this world are overdramatized, while the more important things lie forgotten.
3/2/2009 c1 33My-Breaking-Heart

it makes me feel like i'm there, kindof gloomy, like i'm there, but there is NOTHING to do. Lol i have no idea what i am saying.

anyway, great poem.
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