for Puzzle8/2/2012 c1 
42daniellebakerofficial
This was an interesting piece. I would actually suggest you look into more punctuation to help the piece flow more fluidly. The first two stanzas seemed to work perfectly but near the end, I felt it got a bit awkward.
"It made the six o'clock headlines, and I watched
Without interest; though, I can understand how
Lives were ruined,
by all the disorder."
It can do a lot or very little depending on everyone's personal style. And it also can make for a more finite ending. Still, that is just my opinion. The thoughts and diction are there. And I love the nostalgia and mystery in this. Nice work Keep writing
42daniellebakerofficialThis was an interesting piece. I would actually suggest you look into more punctuation to help the piece flow more fluidly. The first two stanzas seemed to work perfectly but near the end, I felt it got a bit awkward.
"It made the six o'clock headlines, and I watched
Without interest; though, I can understand how
Lives were ruined,
by all the disorder."
It can do a lot or very little depending on everyone's personal style. And it also can make for a more finite ending. Still, that is just my opinion. The thoughts and diction are there. And I love the nostalgia and mystery in this. Nice work Keep writing
6/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
this is my life. I hate that. I need my crossword puzzle every day, when I don't get it it's like... that feeling when the bus passes over a particularly nasty pothole, or when you're on the verge of sleep and your pseudo-dream ends with shocking abruptness of a fall backwards into darkness.
anyways, that was off topic, but I liked it.
this is my life. I hate that. I need my crossword puzzle every day, when I don't get it it's like... that feeling when the bus passes over a particularly nasty pothole, or when you're on the verge of sleep and your pseudo-dream ends with shocking abruptness of a fall backwards into darkness.
anyways, that was off topic, but I liked it.
2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
Funny. I laughed. This is true to life, it happens so much. People get annoyed if you don't let them stick with their day to day routine. It's scary. Also, I liked the sarcasm at the end. The speaker seems detached somehow, unsurprised by people's/society's antics.
8sealednectarFunny. I laughed. This is true to life, it happens so much. People get annoyed if you don't let them stick with their day to day routine. It's scary. Also, I liked the sarcasm at the end. The speaker seems detached somehow, unsurprised by people's/society's antics.
12/30/2009 c1 26Mirabella
I like this. It seemed to me like an attempt to have people look outside of man made mystery to nature, but they failed to do so. :)
Great work! :)
26MirabellaI like this. It seemed to me like an attempt to have people look outside of man made mystery to nature, but they failed to do so. :)
Great work! :)
10/9/2009 c1 32Mairi Cross
Thanks so much for your review! I really liked this, I chuckled. The last few lines have such a sweetly sardonic tone.
32Mairi CrossThanks so much for your review! I really liked this, I chuckled. The last few lines have such a sweetly sardonic tone.
3/21/2009 c1 20Minor Masterpiece
I really like this, it gives me the same chills A Softer World does.
(A Softer World is an art site, check them out to get what I mean. And that is meant to be a compliment.)
Keep on keepin' on. :)
-HR
20Minor MasterpieceI really like this, it gives me the same chills A Softer World does.
(A Softer World is an art site, check them out to get what I mean. And that is meant to be a compliment.)
Keep on keepin' on. :)
-HR
3/15/2009 c1 29Vince Loring
what is this inspired by? if i had to guess, it would be the s.m. stirling book, Dies the Fire (an amazing read, i must say), but that sounds unlikly.
29Vince Loringwhat is this inspired by? if i had to guess, it would be the s.m. stirling book, Dies the Fire (an amazing read, i must say), but that sounds unlikly.
3/10/2009 c1 67Lost In Context
I like this. The phrasing is simple yet subtle...The small details really add. Nice job :)
67Lost In ContextI like this. The phrasing is simple yet subtle...The small details really add. Nice job :)
3/10/2009 c1 1girl like cheshire
i likelove the concept of the first stanza,
it was perfect, and having the second two stanzas almost ruins it.
1girl like cheshirei likelove the concept of the first stanza,
it was perfect, and having the second two stanzas almost ruins it.
3/5/2009 c1 thekidd
I loved it, it was different and touching and you just make words fit together really well.
I loved it, it was different and touching and you just make words fit together really well.
3/4/2009 c1 88multiples of six
I like this. I think my favourite line is the one about noticing the weeds - actually, the whole second stanza is fantastic.
Just out of curiosity, did something like this really happen?
88multiples of sixI like this. I think my favourite line is the one about noticing the weeds - actually, the whole second stanza is fantastic.
Just out of curiosity, did something like this really happen?
3/3/2009 c1 recycle rhymes
hey it's nice to hear from you. i thought you didn't post on fp anymore. interesting last stanza. nice work.
hey it's nice to hear from you. i thought you didn't post on fp anymore. interesting last stanza. nice work.
3/2/2009 c1 8LostInMe
I love the last few lines: "I can understand how / lives were ruined / by all the disorder". They really express the way many things in this world are overdramatized, while the more important things lie forgotten.
8LostInMeI love the last few lines: "I can understand how / lives were ruined / by all the disorder". They really express the way many things in this world are overdramatized, while the more important things lie forgotten.
3/2/2009 c1 33My-Breaking-Heart
Awesome!
it makes me feel like i'm there, kindof gloomy, like i'm there, but there is NOTHING to do. Lol i have no idea what i am saying.
anyway, great poem.
33My-Breaking-HeartAwesome!
it makes me feel like i'm there, kindof gloomy, like i'm there, but there is NOTHING to do. Lol i have no idea what i am saying.
anyway, great poem.