for Heart and Head3/10/2009 c1 
4Kit Cat 157
Hi ya,
Wow! For someone who normally writes about supernatural stuff this is really good. I love how you've described her feelings towards him, it sounds very real.
In the last line, I don't really think "the ones marked ‘STOP’" was nessicary. Personally, I think it sounds better without that line. I also think you should replace the word 'ahead' with something like 'on' or re-word the pharse to say 'her heart took the plunge'. This is just because you have used the word 'head' at the end of two phares, one after the another which makes it sound a bit repetitive.
I love the teaseing going on between Him and Her. And I really like the way you said '...her jealous heart recognised'. I can just see her dislike towards this girl. Almost like an intruder.
I look forward to reading the rest. (Please tell me you're going to add more!)
^..^
4Kit Cat 157Hi ya,
Wow! For someone who normally writes about supernatural stuff this is really good. I love how you've described her feelings towards him, it sounds very real.
In the last line, I don't really think "the ones marked ‘STOP’" was nessicary. Personally, I think it sounds better without that line. I also think you should replace the word 'ahead' with something like 'on' or re-word the pharse to say 'her heart took the plunge'. This is just because you have used the word 'head' at the end of two phares, one after the another which makes it sound a bit repetitive.
I love the teaseing going on between Him and Her. And I really like the way you said '...her jealous heart recognised'. I can just see her dislike towards this girl. Almost like an intruder.
I look forward to reading the rest. (Please tell me you're going to add more!)
^..^
3/2/2009 c1 1voodoometoloveyou
I really love your use of vocabulary here. I think if you made this into a story or into a series of other works, it would certainly do well.
1voodoometoloveyouI really love your use of vocabulary here. I think if you made this into a story or into a series of other works, it would certainly do well.
3/2/2009 c1 2On Dark Wings
Haha, brilliant, you captured the locker room mood swings, the excitement, the conflict, and the challenge. In essence, your story is a beautifully intense view of high school.
2On Dark WingsHaha, brilliant, you captured the locker room mood swings, the excitement, the conflict, and the challenge. In essence, your story is a beautifully intense view of high school.