for Tea for Two6/15/2009 c1 
5Said Author
This was a very emotional story, I didn't quite get it-was it some sort of dream sequence?
I liked the voice at the beginning, it just seemed so enthusiastic like the child Wanda seems to be. Even the word "uffleberries" shows this fact. With the voice like that, it shows a good display of how she falls apart when her father "disowns" her like that. One thing: You had some errors like commas that need to be used and such. but other than that, this was a sold piece. Kind of confusing, of course, but solid nonetheless.
Keep it up! ^^
5Said AuthorThis was a very emotional story, I didn't quite get it-was it some sort of dream sequence?
I liked the voice at the beginning, it just seemed so enthusiastic like the child Wanda seems to be. Even the word "uffleberries" shows this fact. With the voice like that, it shows a good display of how she falls apart when her father "disowns" her like that. One thing: You had some errors like commas that need to be used and such. but other than that, this was a sold piece. Kind of confusing, of course, but solid nonetheless.
Keep it up! ^^
4/26/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
[but beautiful cottage in the prairie]
Missing either "a" or "the" before "beautiful."
[yes that must be it!]
I think you need a comma after "yes."
[hr shoulder ]
"hr" should be "her."
[Where was everyone.]
Questions need question marks.
[was small table set for two.]
Missing an "a" before "small."
[she sniffed trying to find words to placate his rage.]
She shouldn't be uncapitalized.
["I'll be good queen, Papa!]
O_o Is this intentional, the missing "a's?" You're missing one before "good."
- Review Marathon, link in profile.
[but beautiful cottage in the prairie]
Missing either "a" or "the" before "beautiful."
[yes that must be it!]
I think you need a comma after "yes."
[hr shoulder ]
"hr" should be "her."
[Where was everyone.]
Questions need question marks.
[was small table set for two.]
Missing an "a" before "small."
[she sniffed trying to find words to placate his rage.]
She shouldn't be uncapitalized.
["I'll be good queen, Papa!]
O_o Is this intentional, the missing "a's?" You're missing one before "good."
- Review Marathon, link in profile.
4/13/2009 c1 Fractured Illusion
"but [the/that?] beautiful cottage"
"Wanda sat in front of her vanity[, ?] admiring the simple"
"Where was everyone."
Question = questionmark. I have yet to see any situation that doesn't...
"He never looked at her. "
Should be its own paragraph, including the following lines.
""Please stop moving away, Papa," she pleaded."
Please - pleaded. Unnecessary repetition. She said would do just fine rather than hammering it in.
Overall nice piece, it had emotion, but it was also too sudden and maybe a bit too unexplained.
So it's a mixed experience.
Frac
"but [the/that?] beautiful cottage"
"Wanda sat in front of her vanity[, ?] admiring the simple"
"Where was everyone."
Question = questionmark. I have yet to see any situation that doesn't...
"He never looked at her. "
Should be its own paragraph, including the following lines.
""Please stop moving away, Papa," she pleaded."
Please - pleaded. Unnecessary repetition. She said would do just fine rather than hammering it in.
Overall nice piece, it had emotion, but it was also too sudden and maybe a bit too unexplained.
So it's a mixed experience.
Frac