for Field of Vision10/4/2010 c3 
8guppylove
Having read the first three chapter, I find fantasy is not all the same. I like this by the way. There is a certain realistic quality blended into the fantastical.
I am trying to read as much multi-chapter stories I can find to help me understand plot.
-Cindy
8guppyloveHaving read the first three chapter, I find fantasy is not all the same. I like this by the way. There is a certain realistic quality blended into the fantastical.
I am trying to read as much multi-chapter stories I can find to help me understand plot.
-Cindy
3/21/2010 c4 99Dreamers-Requiem
Another really good chapter; I like the way you portray their relationship, with Jared being quite protective of his little sister. (Typical big brother) The introduction of magic was done really well, and I like how, in a way, they're both sort of outcasts from society (with his research and stuff). Great closing line, really powerful.
99Dreamers-RequiemAnother really good chapter; I like the way you portray their relationship, with Jared being quite protective of his little sister. (Typical big brother) The introduction of magic was done really well, and I like how, in a way, they're both sort of outcasts from society (with his research and stuff). Great closing line, really powerful.
3/12/2010 c2 Dreamers-Requiem
Really good first chapter; I liked how you described her emotions in being able to see, and the way she kind of puzzled over names for colours etc. The undercurrent of the doctor's actual thoughts was really interesting, and I like the subtle hints that this world is almost completly different to our own.
Really good first chapter; I liked how you described her emotions in being able to see, and the way she kind of puzzled over names for colours etc. The undercurrent of the doctor's actual thoughts was really interesting, and I like the subtle hints that this world is almost completly different to our own.
3/11/2010 c1 Dreamers-Requiem
Really interesting prologue, and it's a skill to say so much in such a small space. You've managed to give enough information here that it gives a really strong hook to make someone carry on reading.
Really interesting prologue, and it's a skill to say so much in such a small space. You've managed to give enough information here that it gives a really strong hook to make someone carry on reading.
9/27/2009 c6 2autumnsprite
Just like your other story this is so unique and powerful! I can't wait to read more about jared and elaine! I like your descriptions of their world, not to little and not too much.
2autumnspriteJust like your other story this is so unique and powerful! I can't wait to read more about jared and elaine! I like your descriptions of their world, not to little and not too much.
9/1/2009 c6 1Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
great twist - i really thought he was dead. But to be exhiled now what is going to happen. Alone with an unstable power its going to be touch and go there for a while.
Angel.
1Angel-Leigh Joneshiya
great twist - i really thought he was dead. But to be exhiled now what is going to happen. Alone with an unstable power its going to be touch and go there for a while.
Angel.
9/1/2009 c5 Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
ohh noo, hes dead, i wasn't expecting that, or that she would be involved.
Shes going to feel guilty and always doubt herself. The poor girl.
Angel
hiya
ohh noo, hes dead, i wasn't expecting that, or that she would be involved.
Shes going to feel guilty and always doubt herself. The poor girl.
Angel
9/1/2009 c4 Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
The snow was clever, and not knowing how it got there either. He was just as puzzled as she was. Self discovering, done this way is cute and funny. Its like a game of learning.
So she has unlocked something that could be dangerous to her and her love ones. I hope she doesn't end up with the doctor.
Angel
hiya
The snow was clever, and not knowing how it got there either. He was just as puzzled as she was. Self discovering, done this way is cute and funny. Its like a game of learning.
So she has unlocked something that could be dangerous to her and her love ones. I hope she doesn't end up with the doctor.
Angel
9/1/2009 c3 Angel-Leigh Jones
Hiya
i loved the books, it showed that Jared wasn't just looking after her because it was his job but because he cared.
The magic explanation was good, it made sense and flowed well with the prologue :)
THe doctor is a ass, he can go back to the hole he climbed out of lol.
Great story.
Onward.
Angel
Hiya
i loved the books, it showed that Jared wasn't just looking after her because it was his job but because he cared.
The magic explanation was good, it made sense and flowed well with the prologue :)
THe doctor is a ass, he can go back to the hole he climbed out of lol.
Great story.
Onward.
Angel
8/31/2009 c2 Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
this is just as good as sovereign, i hope you get back to it :)
You have me hooked already. Its a story that is different & unsual but in a good way. I really like it and i hope she's not sick.
The doctor made me mad, eyeing her up like a breeding cow when she's just gotten her sight back and strength. How rude. Her brother needs to give hims a mouthful of fist :)
Angel
hiya
this is just as good as sovereign, i hope you get back to it :)
You have me hooked already. Its a story that is different & unsual but in a good way. I really like it and i hope she's not sick.
The doctor made me mad, eyeing her up like a breeding cow when she's just gotten her sight back and strength. How rude. Her brother needs to give hims a mouthful of fist :)
Angel
8/31/2009 c1 Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
i know you have this on hold, but i feel like a good read why the house is quiet - kiddies in bed lol.
The prologue was great, you got across as to why the girls were blind and what happened. It was short and to the point. Hooked me in and made me want to read.
So i am going to read :)
Angel
hiya
i know you have this on hold, but i feel like a good read why the house is quiet - kiddies in bed lol.
The prologue was great, you got across as to why the girls were blind and what happened. It was short and to the point. Hooked me in and made me want to read.
So i am going to read :)
Angel
6/8/2009 c4 Aqua-eagle Sunshine
Prologue- Your prologue tells us straight away that your story is unique. When i read it i thought it was original and nothing like what I had come across before. However I don't think it was completley succesful in getting the reader's attention, it was interesting but it left only a slight inclining of what was to come and i wasn't sure if i wanted to know anymore. But starting off with a conversation was a plus, it at first seems insignifigant until you realise what they were talking about.
Chapter 1 - I wasn't sure at first whether i liked that you don't show us her life before sight and instead just start from where she's regainging it. However the more i read the more i liked it, i think the way you putting bits about her past in is brill. It makes her more of a mysterious character who we are learning more about as we go on. I think her fears are realistic but i think she would know less about life if she was blind, like she wouldn't recognise the color of anything. But i think it was a nice chapter overall, it eases us into the fantasy world.
Chapter 2- I absoloutley love Jared...i just have this terrible feeling that something bad is going to happen to him, and not from your preview of the next chapter, but becuase he's a very solid character that i think would never leave Elanie on her own, or to fend for herself unless he was forced to. He seems very loyal but i think there's going to be a time when she's on her own. I like the first sign of her 'gift'. At first i thought the doctor was a really nice guy but now i'm not sure, i don't think he's evil just yet.
Chapter 3- The magic is developed and i felt like there was a hidden excitement in Jared and i liked him even more his unwavering love for his sister is so nice. I also liked the irony in the fact that the blind girl's (mole women) are the one's that have had to do things for themselves and become strong enough to look after themselves. Yet the women who are unhindered by blindness that live on the top with all their luxuries have machines to do everything for them.
Overall i think it's a good first few chapters...i'm not sure exactly where everything is going...but i guess i'll have to read the next few chapters to find out. i think as you can tell my favourite character so far is Jared, maybe i'm biased because i love the name Jared.
Prologue- Your prologue tells us straight away that your story is unique. When i read it i thought it was original and nothing like what I had come across before. However I don't think it was completley succesful in getting the reader's attention, it was interesting but it left only a slight inclining of what was to come and i wasn't sure if i wanted to know anymore. But starting off with a conversation was a plus, it at first seems insignifigant until you realise what they were talking about.
Chapter 1 - I wasn't sure at first whether i liked that you don't show us her life before sight and instead just start from where she's regainging it. However the more i read the more i liked it, i think the way you putting bits about her past in is brill. It makes her more of a mysterious character who we are learning more about as we go on. I think her fears are realistic but i think she would know less about life if she was blind, like she wouldn't recognise the color of anything. But i think it was a nice chapter overall, it eases us into the fantasy world.
Chapter 2- I absoloutley love Jared...i just have this terrible feeling that something bad is going to happen to him, and not from your preview of the next chapter, but becuase he's a very solid character that i think would never leave Elanie on her own, or to fend for herself unless he was forced to. He seems very loyal but i think there's going to be a time when she's on her own. I like the first sign of her 'gift'. At first i thought the doctor was a really nice guy but now i'm not sure, i don't think he's evil just yet.
Chapter 3- The magic is developed and i felt like there was a hidden excitement in Jared and i liked him even more his unwavering love for his sister is so nice. I also liked the irony in the fact that the blind girl's (mole women) are the one's that have had to do things for themselves and become strong enough to look after themselves. Yet the women who are unhindered by blindness that live on the top with all their luxuries have machines to do everything for them.
Overall i think it's a good first few chapters...i'm not sure exactly where everything is going...but i guess i'll have to read the next few chapters to find out. i think as you can tell my favourite character so far is Jared, maybe i'm biased because i love the name Jared.
6/7/2009 c2 4B. J. Winters
My favorite line: Intellectually she knew his eyes were green, his hair was brown and his skin was tan, but knowing and understanding were two different things. {This says many things - not only setting the stage, but also it allows the reader to grasp the subtle confusion the MC is feeling.}
And this: She leaned over and caught his neck in an embrace without looking, her hands automatically searching him out, as was their habit. {nice consistency}
I wasn't as enamored by the "breeding partner/mate" idea and the way it was sort of wedged in. I think the doctor could be more subtle and less cold about future plans - perhaps more vague. I could almost see him feeling obligated (help her assimilate) rather than calculating. The paragraph or two on topic seemed a bit flat to me. Then again, maybe calculating is in character. It just didn't feel like something I'd want to read more about.
Good descriptions. I would have liked more of Jared rather than the doctor. More about her future in what would be normal sociate - perhaps them talking on the beach - keeping the MC perspective. Right now the doctor has gotten more screen time.
4B. J. WintersMy favorite line: Intellectually she knew his eyes were green, his hair was brown and his skin was tan, but knowing and understanding were two different things. {This says many things - not only setting the stage, but also it allows the reader to grasp the subtle confusion the MC is feeling.}
And this: She leaned over and caught his neck in an embrace without looking, her hands automatically searching him out, as was their habit. {nice consistency}
I wasn't as enamored by the "breeding partner/mate" idea and the way it was sort of wedged in. I think the doctor could be more subtle and less cold about future plans - perhaps more vague. I could almost see him feeling obligated (help her assimilate) rather than calculating. The paragraph or two on topic seemed a bit flat to me. Then again, maybe calculating is in character. It just didn't feel like something I'd want to read more about.
Good descriptions. I would have liked more of Jared rather than the doctor. More about her future in what would be normal sociate - perhaps them talking on the beach - keeping the MC perspective. Right now the doctor has gotten more screen time.
6/6/2009 c2 1Ihateoriginalfics
Loved the descriptions of Elanie exploring her facial structure and the world around. I really felt her awe and wonder at having her vision restored. A very realistic portrayal of a person seeing for the first time.
Also, Dr. Barros is a creepy jerk. And I'm in love with Jared.
1IhateoriginalficsLoved the descriptions of Elanie exploring her facial structure and the world around. I really felt her awe and wonder at having her vision restored. A very realistic portrayal of a person seeing for the first time.
Also, Dr. Barros is a creepy jerk. And I'm in love with Jared.