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8/17/2009 c1 lelia
I read it and I feel like i'm missing something. What is or what does glisten siren light mean?
3/13/2009 c1 LG Destroyer
3/9/2009 c1 31marsmarionette
Very nice, and beautiful, but I feel like siren isn't the right word.
3/8/2009 c1 10Elephant-Artist
Very descriptive Haiku. I like Haiku's a lot. good job. Silk-wrapped and venom fed.
3/8/2009 c1 canuckscommunity
good haiku... i liked the first line.
3/7/2009 c1 21Reklaw Sicnarf Ir
I'm going to disagree with the previous review.

First of all, you don't point out that there is a deeper meaning before the reader gets a chance to actually see the poem. Your job, as a poet, is to express yourself creatively, and appreciate that other people can get something out of it (even if they don't understand the "deeper meaning.") I suggest you remove that from the description, and kudos to you if someone who hasn't seen the description understands this deep meaning.

I, for one, did not.

There is also and over-use of punctuation. The commas are...fine, but you must absolutely never ever use a dash in a haiku. It's ugly and ruins the flow.

People have an annoying tendancy to put a period at the end of their haiku. This is also something that should never be done. It actually numbs down the impact that the end of the poem has, as opposed to emphasizing it.

Since haiku (word to the wise: haikus is not a word, the plural is the same as the singular) are so short, the meaning of each word is emphasized times ten. I find myself repeating this, every other haiku review, on this site, because no-one seems to understand. If you are going to use the word "the" in a haiku (which is already a bump in the surface of how smooth it reads), you absolutely cannot use it twice. The poem looks sloppy when you do this, and it already looks sloppy, so you really don't need that.

And I have to point out, if haiku could be interpreted as music, this peice screeches in my ear. Each line on its own is exremely hard to peice together (something very important in a haiku) to the following line. And as a whole, this doesn't smooth over well at all.

I suggest you dedicate only the second line to the flie's death and make the first and third about the spider and the wed, or such.

Good luck.
3/6/2009 c1 nfeiwanvuiewiofr
I think I caught the deeper meaning of what you were trying to convey...really nice when that happens! I hate it when you write something with a deeper meaning-at least you think so-and then someone reads it and goes "I don't get it!" or, even worse, takes it at face value.

Very nice! The first sentence of sorts was very descriptive and good. I got a really good image off that.

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