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for Irresistible

8/21/2009 c1 7Duckies
Oh man, that was so sad :(

But beautifully written! :D

The whole piece flowed wondrously, and all the line breaks worked perfectly. I loved how you gave the reader a very small amount of information, and just snippets of what seemed to be two completely different, random stories at the start, but then eveything joined up into one large, intricate picture towards the end - that was very clever.

I also loved the luscious descriptions towards the start - they created the perfect mood for the mysterious-esque beginning. All the short sections worked perfectly - you conveyed all your messages effectively, and built up your characters into realistic people. Great job creating such lovable characters in such few words :)

I liked the hints at what Clarissa might be - they made me super curious. One question though - did she have OCD or was that some sort of reference to vampire folklore that I've forgotten about? xD

Loved the ending - the 'bye' really hit home, and the way it drifted off made me even sadder. Absolutely beautiful work :)
5/8/2009 c1 11Kirrithian
'he other Freebie review.

I liked how the present dialogue and the background setting reflecting memories flowed together so well, because too often short cut up sections cut up the story. It made it far more enjoyable as it flowed fairly well.

I also really like the way you've built up the plot with your four line sections, not saying too much or too little, yet keeping it fairly simple, not needing overly complex or flashy descriptions, which adds to the enjoyment of the read.

A good read, a beautiful little piece.

Keep writing!

~Dolly
4/30/2009 c1 14improvisationallychallenged
For the RG:

Ah! I remember this - I loved it...

I really love the way you cut back and forth between backstory and current events. For a standalone it works extremely well - like you get a crash course in the characters just in time for their story to end.

I confess, I didn't get the whole thing about Clarissa having to count the seeds in her coffin through rules of folklore - I thought you'd just written a vampire with OCD :\

But there's nothing really you can change about the story to make that more clear without running the risk of ruining the end of the ending.
4/4/2009 c1 8Lea Ai
Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Okay, now I can speak again. This was really amazing. Very creative and artistically done. It actually made me think of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Cask of Amontillado"-although to be honest, I'm not sure why. It just had the same overall feel for me-although written completely different about completely different subjects. :-) Maybe it was the way the dialogue flowed or the overall dark tone despite the description of love.

It did take me two tries to fully understand what was going on. I read through it the first time straight through and then backtracked and read each story in chronological order to really understand what happened. But I could probably read it again and again and come up with new insight each time. A simple story and yet very complex.

Now on to my "requirements". :-)

I loved this sentence: "It was one thing being murdered by a proper villain with suave speeches and malevolent mannerisms, but another entirely to be killed by a doddering fool who showers you with spittle whilst slowly draining your life." It was a cleverly written description of your villain, and also gave a bit of humor in a tense moment. How ironic that it was the doddering fool that outsmarted Clarissa.

I actually had to go looking for something that I didn't like in this...and it is a small thing. When you are describing the first attack, and she snarls: "Her snarl of disapproval still haunted his dreams. " "Disapproval" doesn't seem like a strong enough word for a. a snarl and b. something that still haunted his dreams. "Her snarl of rage" or something along those lines would make more sense.

So to summarize...I feel this is amazingly written and highly original. Pure enjoyment! Thanks for asking me to review it!
3/10/2009 c1 13Nicki BluIs
I have never seen so many line breaks in such a short piece. But then again I have never seen line breaks used so well. Thay actually became part of the structure of the piece and I love it.

It was a bit ambiguous at times but at the end you kinda get the big picture.

Good luck with WCC!

Bubbles :P
3/8/2009 c1 Fractured Illusion
Cool! :D Nice story. It started out confusing with the dialog. I didn't know what was going on but it all cleared up. :)

The start was the weakest because of this. It wasn't particularly inviting.

After she saves him from those people about to beat him half to death, the story picks up! That's when I started to like it :D

Good ending, tragic indeed.

Good luck in WCC!

Frac
3/8/2009 c1 13VelvetyCheerio
Aww, I have to review Beatles. I know that myth, where the vamp must count all the seeds it finds. Who would have played such a mean trick?

Well, at least your vampire isn't sparkly. Always a plus. :D I hope you win this WCC! I liked this story.

Fang.
3/7/2009 c1 your infection their plague
ohmygosh I'm favoriting this right now, it's amazing. I love it. Love it love it.
3/7/2009 c1 Galadriel1010
*Gibbers*

Cannot form a complete sentence, but I'll try my best

I love it, truly excellent. Love the switching, the build up to the end that we can feel from the beginning. I've been lokking at Escher pictures, it feels a bit like one of those really...

Just to clarify: I like Escher, I like Escher a lot

Rx

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