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for Doktor Bizarro's Bookshelf of Horrors

7/13/2009 c4 12TorgoTheWhite
Read the first three chapters and found them to be almost as entertaining as the Overmen story. Great, in-depth analysis of contemporary literature in everyday language. My AP English teacher would've loved you!

I must admit you are pretty brave to write some of the reviews. Hopefully your martial arts skills would come in handy against the hordes of scientologists showing up at your doorsteps (just kidding :) )
7/13/2009 c11 48Michael Panush
A nice review of a wonderfully awful story. I don't think the Eye of Argon is that bad, well, it's so bad, that's in incredibly entertaining and utterly hilarious. I think you should have posted a few more passages, which are just about the ultimate in bad writing and bring a smile to my face whenever I think about them. But this review was still very good. I wonder what book you'll be doing next?
7/12/2009 c5 67moongazer7
very true, this book is a bunch of lies and this is coming from a former Christian.
7/12/2009 c7 moongazer7
I love your reference to plato and Holmes. I like it.
7/11/2009 c2 moongazer7
I love your reference to Ayn Rand. Harry Potter is crap too, seeing what the morals she preach is.
7/11/2009 c1 THE BNZ
Ach, crap, wait-

Just a clarification: your reviews are NOT a literary abomination; the things you review are. And I find them fascinating.

Sorry if you took offense, I don't know what I was thinking when writing my previous review.

7/11/2009 c11 THE BNZ
You, sir, are fricking brilliant. These reviews are highly amusing and absolutely fascinating.

Well, I always found literary abominations fascinating.

I hope you write more of these, although I can't think of anything else you could review... of course, you probably have thousands of quarrels with bad books, and, therefore, more fodder for these reviews.

So, please continue.
7/11/2009 c5 RandomUserForTheology
What can I say? I expected a detailed review of the bible and comparison to other versions, why the King James isn't all that good, in a humorous way of course, but not this angry atheist rant...

Also, you have some details wrong, Constantine did not make it the official religion of Rome, he merely issued the Edict of Milan which made it legal, it wasn't until Theodosius became emperour that it became the official state religion...

Overall I'm disappointed with this review, not because of the bashing or anything, because of the lack of information, you didn't go over the bible, just gave a biased history lesson to us. If your gonna review the book, review the books.

Now I must admit... I freaking loved your first three chapters, hilarious! There's a few parts that need some editing that I saw, but I loved them! Continue writing!
7/8/2009 c6 21Doctor Vile
Cont. review of chapter 5

...Of course, when he gets back, all tanned and relaxed from sunning himself in the supernovas of Universe-616, he finds young Jesus has ballsed things up, conning his employees into this hippy philosophy. By Me, Yahweh thinks, I’m going to have to teach junior a lesson. Hence, the Crucifixion. The Resurrection? Jesus getting a last chance to say goodbye to his buddies before being confined to his celestial bedroom forever. That’s why we haven’t seen him since, pretty much.
7/8/2009 c5 Doctor Vile
I have my own theories about this, unsurprisingly.

Yahweh is a bit like a giant sky capitalist. He may be barely literate, but he built his own business, the universe, up through blood, sweat and tears. And, after a few early hiccups, where he had to lay off employees in their millions, he eventually got it working more or less how he wanted, with a top-down hierarchical system of delegation, with him at the top, the angels handling the communication and human resource management etc.

At some point about 2,0 yeard ago, he decides to take a vacation. Like most autocratic father figures, he decides he can kill two birds with one stone here by handing over the family business to his hippy son. The responsibility, he thinks, will mould Jesus into a worthy successor, and beat all that shit about peace and love out of him...
7/8/2009 c3 Doctor Vile
I don't think you understand. Eragon isn't a rip-off of Star Wars, it's a logical extension of Campbell's work on the metonym filtered through a elf-fantasy subgenre in order to reflect our limited anthropological understandings back upon our culture-zeitgeist in an effort to...

...No, I can't type any of that with a straight face, never mind a thousand straight faces. It's gooey pterodactyl gash.
7/8/2009 c2 Doctor Vile
"Meyer has started a cult of hormonal teenagers that would make Ayn Rand's Objectivism pale in comparison."

I was involved in a discussion group that recently tried to discern whether Rand or Meyer was the better writer. Whilst we concluded that Rand was indeed a terrible prose stylist, the consensus was that Meyer was even worse.

Where Rand came out on top (or bottom depending on your point of view) was that her perfectly terrible philosophy had become so influential even outside of her personal cult. If Meyer's fans begin acting like the characters in her books, it won't be nearly as bad, because at some point they'll probably step out in front of a car believing they can crush it with their super vampire strength.

Won't that be lovely? Faux-vamp street pizza. Cities littered with smashed, sexually-charged flesh covered in glitter glue. It warms the cockles of my dark heart.
6/26/2009 c10 48Michael Panush
That was a good review, but I'm not sure if its okay to hate Lord of the Rings just because the fans of Evola also like it. Authors can't control their fanbases, remember? Otherwise, it was pretty good, and Evola clearly is the arch-fascist and a nasty person as well.
6/21/2009 c9 Michael Panush
I'm afraid I skipped the second half of your double-feature, as I'm still working my way through Evangelion and don't want any spoilers. The first half was pretty good though. The Gun is Good, the Penis is Evil! I wonder what book your taking on next?
6/21/2009 c9 81LittleLoser.AndRoloLamperouge
This time, I won't agree with you Dok. Neon Genesis is a great anime, and its movie is much better. I think you need to go back criticizing books, coz you're doing better at them.

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