for Bitterness4/2/2009 c1 
2Tewr
Even though I'm sure many people have already said this. I love the imagery in this short poem.
"Pushing with a shallow force across my tongue
And rotting my teeth"
I love this image of disgust!
My favorite line is the last line though. Although it is painful, you endure. Not But; "and." It ends without a sense of being hopeful. I love it!
~Tewr
2TewrEven though I'm sure many people have already said this. I love the imagery in this short poem.
"Pushing with a shallow force across my tongue
And rotting my teeth"
I love this image of disgust!
My favorite line is the last line though. Although it is painful, you endure. Not But; "and." It ends without a sense of being hopeful. I love it!
~Tewr
3/14/2009 c1 12Durak
You've always been one for the strong imagery, haven't you?
Especially given its short length, I think you did a really good job. I confess my first and second read-throughs are giving me contradictory impressions, so I'll tell you what I think and leave it up to you whether that was intentional, my misreading, or the fault of the work.
At first, I thought this poem was primarily a retelling of the narrator's disgust with other people - at least, she finds people painful. But then reading it again, when I read "people are raw", I think of people being raw in the sense of being HONEST, though looking again, I think you mean they're raw in their emotions. Which clears up lines 4-6, saying that the outbursts of emotion are what they use to push the narrator, or perhaps others in general, away, because being raw and "real" would make them Known. Being raw and emotional keeps people from "swallowing" them.
But then there's the second stanza, which, if I'm reading right, says that when the narrator finally Knows someone - understands them, "gets" them - she resents them, and pukes them back up. Why isn't important, but the point is the process of "ingesting" them, so to speak, is painful, and so is getting rid of them. I wonder if you're being deliberate in making the process seem bulimic? She fights to get these people "in", and then vomits them all back out once she's satiate and suffers the consequences for the repetitive purging.
So, yes, very good. I like the consistent, gritty imagery, which works very well on literal and metaphorical levels. And, as with all your pieces, there is so much that can be read into it. The last line for me speaks volumes - by saying she "endures", that says to me the narrator feels like this is being done TO her and not BY her, when reading to the poem, it seemed to me that the process of forcing her way to "swallow" people and vomit them back out was her own doing.
Lots and lots of layers, as always. Well done.
-Durak
12DurakYou've always been one for the strong imagery, haven't you?
Especially given its short length, I think you did a really good job. I confess my first and second read-throughs are giving me contradictory impressions, so I'll tell you what I think and leave it up to you whether that was intentional, my misreading, or the fault of the work.
At first, I thought this poem was primarily a retelling of the narrator's disgust with other people - at least, she finds people painful. But then reading it again, when I read "people are raw", I think of people being raw in the sense of being HONEST, though looking again, I think you mean they're raw in their emotions. Which clears up lines 4-6, saying that the outbursts of emotion are what they use to push the narrator, or perhaps others in general, away, because being raw and "real" would make them Known. Being raw and emotional keeps people from "swallowing" them.
But then there's the second stanza, which, if I'm reading right, says that when the narrator finally Knows someone - understands them, "gets" them - she resents them, and pukes them back up. Why isn't important, but the point is the process of "ingesting" them, so to speak, is painful, and so is getting rid of them. I wonder if you're being deliberate in making the process seem bulimic? She fights to get these people "in", and then vomits them all back out once she's satiate and suffers the consequences for the repetitive purging.
So, yes, very good. I like the consistent, gritty imagery, which works very well on literal and metaphorical levels. And, as with all your pieces, there is so much that can be read into it. The last line for me speaks volumes - by saying she "endures", that says to me the narrator feels like this is being done TO her and not BY her, when reading to the poem, it seemed to me that the process of forcing her way to "swallow" people and vomit them back out was her own doing.
Lots and lots of layers, as always. Well done.
-Durak
3/13/2009 c1 12Sir Scott
Those are disburting images, swallowing people and rotting teeth. Keep up the good work.
~SirScott
12Sir ScottThose are disburting images, swallowing people and rotting teeth. Keep up the good work.
~SirScott
3/9/2009 c1 Hagen
excellent! Very very good! The metaphors are surreal:)
Closetpianist1
excellent! Very very good! The metaphors are surreal:)
Closetpianist1
3/8/2009 c1 1tonight we bloom
Very unique & beautiful... you've got real talent.
I just recently posted a completed short story and part of another I have yet to finish. I would love any honest feedback/suggestions you may have. Opinions from a writer like yourself would be extremely helpful!
Once again, amazing job.
1tonight we bloomVery unique & beautiful... you've got real talent.
I just recently posted a completed short story and part of another I have yet to finish. I would love any honest feedback/suggestions you may have. Opinions from a writer like yourself would be extremely helpful!
Once again, amazing job.