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for Coffeeshop Assistant

8/2/2012 c1 42daniellebakerofficial
The detail in this really took it to the next level. "with a smile on my face and tea stains on my fingers." I loved the ending as well, it is raw where the rest of the stanza is more dreamlike. So it's a nice contrast. Nice work
6/11/2011 c1 self-fulfilling prophecy
I love the gradual translation from sensation and worldly stimulus to introspection and a snapshot of a larger life.
2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
I liked the ending. Very abrupt. Brought me staight back down to earth. Good job.
10/24/2009 c1 173Little girl Big world
This was different from anything I've read before :)

I really like it!
8/11/2009 c1 1tonight we bloom
I really like this. It was beautiful, raw and honest.
4/14/2009 c1 29diffident
Before praise-lavishing commences: I think white china is pretty much the same as porcelain. Porcelain more broadly refers to any fired ceramic, while china is a type of porcelain. Also, comma or period after "oatmeal biscuit"?

Anyway. I love the sharp and specific focus on coffeeshop imagery in the first part of the poem, and then the sharp drop off where you reveal the necessity. It ends very abruptly and that just feels so appropriate for the message you're conveying.

4/4/2009 c1 6Kalista Jia
The whole poem makes me want to go drink some Ice Cappucino and eat chocolate cookies.

Oh the ending sure is a bang to the readers. Nice.
3/16/2009 c1 IndiaLikeTheCountry
This is gorgeous, a simple idea turned into a beautiful piece :)
3/14/2009 c1 30MargaretGraves
I really liked this- I've always loved reading little excerpts of people's lives.Your style reminds me a bit of a friend; she also writes poetry. Keep up the good work! :]
3/13/2009 c1 88multiples of six
Wow, I didn't see the ending coming. It seemed like the speaker was happy, almost idealistic about the job, and then the ending hits you. It works, though!
3/13/2009 c1 generically beautiful
As someone who has spent her fair share of time making coffee for money, I can completely relate to this poem, and that makes me love it all the more.
3/12/2009 c1 879Moondog Dozier
The depiction and the characterization draws at the reader due in large part to the specifics, but more importantly what those specifics have to say, and say about our society. I really like the abruptness of the end line. I didn't see that sharp stop coming, but it was affective because of the type of diction used to contrast this halt in the upper lines. The detail of the luxuries, or necessities for some, really bring about a moment of, how have we come to this, from both sides of the equation. One for the assistant, and another in a strange way about those being assisted. Very thought provoking. MD:77.
3/12/2009 c1 54Wiggity Wam
I find myself wondering if this is really about you, or a fictional person. There's such an element of sincerity to your work, and this peice is a good example of that. That's what I appreciate most about this one, the sheer humanity of it. It's very real.

I wouldn't say it's mindblowing or anything, but it is likeable. I think it could benefit from being tucked away for a week or so, and then revisited and read with fresh eyes, to see if you notice something new or come up with undiscovered ways of expressing these ideas. That's just what I would do. Compared to some of your other poems it lacks the "woah" factor, but I think all you need is some time to let it simmer and this could be just as special as the rest.

A couple obsessive things: I like to stay away from repetition, so the word "china" although perfectly appropriate, seems a little overused in the beginning. I know you can come up with more ways to paint that picture, and I think it would give you a chance to display your ability and create a description with even more vitality.

Most of the poem is literal. It may be that you intended to write it that way, in which case I would say you did so perfectly. It's just my opinion, but I think you could benefit by being more metaphorical, especially in the first half with the descriptions and imagery. But i leave that entirely to your discretion.

I think that's all. For now. :)

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