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for Mercy

2/2/2010 c1 8sealednectar
Great! I loved the lack of punctuation. It's the speaker's stream-of-conciousness, without the obstacle of punctuation:) (Though I actually love punctuation, I can stand it in poems-not prose. Mostly). Great flow. I liked the words 'drowning' and 'drip'. I noticed you used a simile about a coat here, and in another poem, you had a metaphor about a coat. That's all. My favourite line for some unknown reason is 'the scrape of stubble against/my turned cheek,'

12/1/2009 c1 6letyoursoultakeflight
Love the 'but' aspect...

helplessly drown in your expectant arms

- love that bit: she cannot help and and he knows it...

in the stale air, raw and ridiculous.

-love that line
8/21/2009 c1 12Dehydrated Hyena
You've got a good conversational rhythm, but you might want to look at your line breaks again. Consider the last word of the line the most important- they stand out visually. It's usually best to stick a word like 'and' at the beginning of a line instead of the end.

I'm totally guilty of this too, I'm in the process of going back over everything and redoing it.

I like the line break at 'disregard' for some reason I found that particularily striking.

I like the repetition of sounds such as 'hysterically I hurt'- you've somehow woven the sounds in this poem really well, along with the rhythm- it's really enjoyable.

In some places I would try to focus more on images-if you can do so and preserve the conversational tone for example 'I use to preserve the life in my restless mind' doesn't strike me as much as 'reflect only of the ice'.

Overall, I really love the flow, and I admire your talent with rhythm and sound without using strict rules.
7/29/2009 c1 236mezzie
this is a series of waves and they wash over raw and warm, both forlorn and comforting at once. The imagery of "as I press my eyelids together/ to crush strays and pray you won't detect them" is very powerful and what an accurate way to describe trying to push certain thoughts from your mind. The sense of craving and its being so closely linked to moments of escape or a feeling of impossibility spills out and wraps its thin fingers around the entire piece.

I love "the connotation is intangible and impossible". I feel that this piece may be closely linked to a sense of survival and the strange, half-understood things we do in order to feel like we can continue for one more minute, one more day.

And then at some point down that grey and red path, there is realization.
7/3/2009 c1 69with eyes looking up
gorgeous. i honestly don't know what else to say. it was perfect. the feelings were conveyed perfectly. :)
6/25/2009 c1 38in plurrimi decorus via
Neverland!... You will find yourself I promise (if you haven't yet). If you can’t seem to find what you are looking for you are not looking hard enough. The poem is amazing. The quickly written poems are always the best when real emotion is behind the words. Keep writing! I can’t wait to read more!
6/23/2009 c1 54Wiggity Wam
My God.

I have read this before, but I imagine I was at a loss for words because I never reviewed it. This time it moved me to the brink of tears.

This is the kind of poem that, except for noticing your most inspiring lines, makes me forget I am actually reading poetry and takes me to another place entirely.

Somehow, I still really have nothing to say.
5/10/2009 c1 25Lavender341
Oh, wow, I can really relate.

You're just hurting so bad and you know you're hurting the one you love the most, but you don't know how to make it go away. I feel terrible for hurting the one I love so much too.

The breaks between stanzas are perfect. It's like, you're going and going, and then you pause and take a breath. There's that moment when you're reading and it just stops, and you, as a reader, hold your breath too because you don't know what's coming.

The last stanza really gets me. I've been there before.

I hope you feel better, in whatever is bothering you. I try to think of everyday as being a step into becoming a better me.

Wow, this was really long :) Sorry for any rambling!
3/19/2009 c1 14Antimatter Matters
This is very emotive. Well done.
3/19/2009 c1 your infection their plague
I thought it was great! I felt it it was...sad.
3/17/2009 c1 879Moondog Dozier
This is marvelous, and real, and raw. Bursting with true emotion. If you are to be gone, I do hope you find your marbles if they are indeed lost. MD:77.
3/13/2009 c1 1loving lolisa
I can feel only love for this poem.

Your words, your structure. Wow.

It is so beautiful, so sad.

I have never understood or found this kind of 'feeling' (I am too young. So I am told) but this makes me see...

I would say this is perfect but that doesn't seem right.

This is pure emotion.
3/13/2009 c1 88multiples of six
The first word that comes to mind is "lyrical." This poem really is. After reading your author's note, you can kind of tell it was written quickly - it just seems a little fragmented, less whole than some of your other work. I think it could be really good with some work, though..

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