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for Hikemare: Her Very Own Nightmare

4/12/2009 c1 Link Broken
I really liked the action in it. It kept you on the edge of your seat. Also, it wasn't like you threw a bunch of random stuff together. it actually made sense.

i also liked how you set up your charactors in the beginning. it helped to relate to them later on in the story at the exciting moments
3/24/2009 c1 1Synaptic Imagination
I'm very impressed, this is excellent writing, I really hope you make it into a series. You have great characters with multiple dimensions to their personalities, great descriptive deatil and you have a good sense of humor throughout the story. I really enjoyed reading this.
3/24/2009 c1 109ADSpencer
Roadhouse

What's ECU? (Oh, is that your college-sorry for the misinterpretation. At first I was thinking that it stood from some cc term that was over my head.)

Anyhow, I really liked this one. It says at the top that it's complete, but is it? It might be complete as far as what you were turning in to the contest, but I'd expand this if I were you. You could definitely get a full-length chapter story out of the premise and characters.

Since you use such a gripping hook at the beginning, perhaps you could expand the scenes before the action, let us truly get to know the 'siblings' and give us a little more detail at the beginning of the hike. And then, of course, you might want to expand on a few more subplots (family/crush/other)during the course of action up until the conclusion. Which, by the way, I'd love to read a more solid conclusion on this one.

As it stands, it's really good. The characters are fleshed and humorous (at least Evon is). I'd just like more of such an exciting tale. If you decide to expand it,send me a pm and I'll read it :)
3/23/2009 c1 018108
I actually enjoyed that. Originality seems to be extinct these days. So loved the original setting/environment of this. Hiking, yikes! I feel Evon's pain.

I loved her humour i.e. "Not that Evon had a problem with those who wished to have skin cancer written into their horoscopes."

Gave me a good laugh and I just love the whole possible 'drug-trafficking' involvement. I mean, woah! What an adventure huh?

And yeah I'm with the other reviewers, great story but the typo's/grammar errors were distracting at times. Nothing too tear-worthy but cringe-worthy never the less. All in all, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

CD
3/22/2009 c1 Left FP
Yeah, to answer your question - it was a good choice to give it to the ECU. I liked the concept.

The story so far seems interesting. But you suffer from typos a lot. Maybe getting a beta reader will be good idea.

The plot is interesting. The thing which pulled me into the story most of all was the fact, the pacing was really good.

Evon seems an intriguing character. But the paragraph about him and his mom, got me a little confused.

So far, it seems a wonderful story and I have a lot of expectations from the future chapters.

Hope they answer you soon. A refreshing concept. I was getting tired of reading all the boy meets girl stories FP is overflowing with.

Good work! All the best.
3/21/2009 c1 4chel bel
Ahh, not a cliffhanger! This was really good, and you definitey grabbed my attention from the start. I really like Evon, and Greyson seems like a good guy. I just hope poor Ethan is okay. Something I found that distracted from the story, though, were the grammar mistakes. Also sometimes the wording of the sentences was a little awkward and I had to go back an re-read the sentence a couple times to try to understand it. Aside from that, it looks really good and I really think you should continue with it. Good job! :)
3/19/2009 c1 Guest
Very nicely done. I like your character building and the way they interact. Left us with a real cliffhanger didn't you?

Lol, I wanna know who's in the helicopter. And if Evans ok. And just how chiseled are Greysons abs?

In short, you got me hooked.

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