for The Awkward Dream Journal4/10/2009 c1 GoneAndDeleted
I love the tone of this poem.I could easily imagine out what you dreamed.So far,there's no typos that I can see but maybe you could rename the poem to something more suitable.Awesome job!
I love the tone of this poem.I could easily imagine out what you dreamed.So far,there's no typos that I can see but maybe you could rename the poem to something more suitable.Awesome job!
3/20/2009 c1 
12Sir Scott
I liked the part about being a number 119. That was pretty clever dreaming. Most dreams are pretty weird. I always thought of keeping a dream journal, but only recorded one dream in it.
~SirScott
12Sir ScottI liked the part about being a number 119. That was pretty clever dreaming. Most dreams are pretty weird. I always thought of keeping a dream journal, but only recorded one dream in it.
~SirScott
3/19/2009 c1 98Arcane Hero
I've just finished reading "Beauty" by Sheri S. Tepper, and I have to wonder if you've read it too. Your poem sounds like Tepper's Hell, which is probably the biggest compliment I've ever given. You've described everything beautifully. However, you spelled "awkward" wrong in the title, but maybe that helps to convey your point.
98Arcane HeroI've just finished reading "Beauty" by Sheri S. Tepper, and I have to wonder if you've read it too. Your poem sounds like Tepper's Hell, which is probably the biggest compliment I've ever given. You've described everything beautifully. However, you spelled "awkward" wrong in the title, but maybe that helps to convey your point.
3/16/2009 c1 Isca
I love the opening line. It's terrifying sometimes...the dark things that form in our mind when we sleep.
"Haloed" should probably be "Hallowed." Sorry, that was just a moment of grammar nazism hahaha.
"These nights are the kinds where mothers kill." OH MY GOD! THIS LINE IS INCREDIBLE! The tone is just...perfect! :D :D :D
"My teeth fall out of my head onto the carpet." Not only was the imagery in this line very vivid, but I loved the fact that the speaker alluded to 'teeth,' which is a common dream symbol.
"A backwards emergency." Wouldn't 119 then mean that there is no emergency? Sorry, it might just be me not reading the line correctly, but I did like what you were trying to do with this line-inverting the good/evil binary is creative. :)
-Isca
I love the opening line. It's terrifying sometimes...the dark things that form in our mind when we sleep.
"Haloed" should probably be "Hallowed." Sorry, that was just a moment of grammar nazism hahaha.
"These nights are the kinds where mothers kill." OH MY GOD! THIS LINE IS INCREDIBLE! The tone is just...perfect! :D :D :D
"My teeth fall out of my head onto the carpet." Not only was the imagery in this line very vivid, but I loved the fact that the speaker alluded to 'teeth,' which is a common dream symbol.
"A backwards emergency." Wouldn't 119 then mean that there is no emergency? Sorry, it might just be me not reading the line correctly, but I did like what you were trying to do with this line-inverting the good/evil binary is creative. :)
-Isca
3/16/2009 c1 1tonight we bloom
That was beautiful & thought-provoking.
You've got real talent!
I just recently posted 2 stories and I would really appreciate it if you could read and review with honest feedback or suggestions. Opinions from a writer like you would mean the world to me!
1tonight we bloomThat was beautiful & thought-provoking.
You've got real talent!
I just recently posted 2 stories and I would really appreciate it if you could read and review with honest feedback or suggestions. Opinions from a writer like you would mean the world to me!