for One of the Five3/31/2009 c1 CandleQueen
"You turn() run back to your team."
Should have a comma there.
"Shaped in a (cresset) moon() they wait."
'Crescent', not "cresset", and you should have a comma there as well.
"Together we win, divided we (fail).”"
I think "fail" would have sounded better as 'fall'; it would have been nice if the chant rhymed.
I like how you summed up the anticipation in the poem in the final line, "And finally, you start."
It was actually pretty good, for a poem about sports. ;P Nice description on how they prep for the game.
-Ramen
"You turn() run back to your team."
Should have a comma there.
"Shaped in a (cresset) moon() they wait."
'Crescent', not "cresset", and you should have a comma there as well.
"Together we win, divided we (fail).”"
I think "fail" would have sounded better as 'fall'; it would have been nice if the chant rhymed.
I like how you summed up the anticipation in the poem in the final line, "And finally, you start."
It was actually pretty good, for a poem about sports. ;P Nice description on how they prep for the game.
-Ramen
3/30/2009 c1 
1Kneecap
I loved the third and fourth lines.
"Each foot touches its neighbor.
It’s tradition in its own right." Those short sentences really gave a punchy feeling to the first stanza, and quite a dramatic opening! :D
I also liked the use of italics. It really gave you a sense of place, and connection with the speaker, and you could tell that to him/her, the fans and their support really mean an awful lot.
I didn't really like the use of semicolons and colons later on in the poem though D: It took 'disjointed' a little too far...
But a nice piece overall :).
1KneecapI loved the third and fourth lines.
"Each foot touches its neighbor.
It’s tradition in its own right." Those short sentences really gave a punchy feeling to the first stanza, and quite a dramatic opening! :D
I also liked the use of italics. It really gave you a sense of place, and connection with the speaker, and you could tell that to him/her, the fans and their support really mean an awful lot.
I didn't really like the use of semicolons and colons later on in the poem though D: It took 'disjointed' a little too far...
But a nice piece overall :).
3/26/2009 c1 Isca
"Each foot touches its neighbour." I love the tone of this line-it connects so well to the idea of 'tradition.'
"Oh, say do you see..." Is this supposed to refer to "The Star-Spangled Banner"? If so, I believe it's, "O, say can you see..."
"You're one of the five now." There's something so magical about this line-it evokes such a sense of purpose, success, and pride within the reader.
"Cresset moon"? Crescent moon?
"Hustle now, hustle." Brilliant line. This could very well be, in and of itself, an allusion to the 'stress' of daily life.
-Isca
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
"Each foot touches its neighbour." I love the tone of this line-it connects so well to the idea of 'tradition.'
"Oh, say do you see..." Is this supposed to refer to "The Star-Spangled Banner"? If so, I believe it's, "O, say can you see..."
"You're one of the five now." There's something so magical about this line-it evokes such a sense of purpose, success, and pride within the reader.
"Cresset moon"? Crescent moon?
"Hustle now, hustle." Brilliant line. This could very well be, in and of itself, an allusion to the 'stress' of daily life.
-Isca
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
3/24/2009 c1 20Thousand Writer
Review Game =)
I really liked what you did here. For one, you wrote this poem in prose format, which made it more like a story that I can be a part of since the main character is "you", the reader. I also liked that the atmosphere in the poem was so positive and interactive. It really shows the true spirit behind a great sport.
One minor note though: in the second quote, you wrote "Oh, say do you see.." I believe what you meant is "Oh, say can you see..", but you're titled to your own decisions nonetheless.
Overall, wonderful piece. Keep them coming!
20Thousand WriterReview Game =)
I really liked what you did here. For one, you wrote this poem in prose format, which made it more like a story that I can be a part of since the main character is "you", the reader. I also liked that the atmosphere in the poem was so positive and interactive. It really shows the true spirit behind a great sport.
One minor note though: in the second quote, you wrote "Oh, say do you see.." I believe what you meant is "Oh, say can you see..", but you're titled to your own decisions nonetheless.
Overall, wonderful piece. Keep them coming!
3/24/2009 c1 Kid W25
I'm taking a guess it's about baseball or some sort. But it was good, really good. I'm a bit slow cause of tiredness so that maybe is why I cant get it.
Anyways, good job.
I'm taking a guess it's about baseball or some sort. But it was good, really good. I'm a bit slow cause of tiredness so that maybe is why I cant get it.
Anyways, good job.
3/21/2009 c1 612simpleplan13
If you're looking for reviews, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile).
I like the idea behind this. It's a nice description of the beginning of a typical basketball game. I also like how you used the quotes, italics, parenthesis and ellipses. Those worked well emphasize certain parts. The only thing is, this was more like prose in poetry form, which may be what you were going for, but if not I might try using some metaphors or something for some imagery. Other than that, really great job.
612simpleplan13If you're looking for reviews, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile).
I like the idea behind this. It's a nice description of the beginning of a typical basketball game. I also like how you used the quotes, italics, parenthesis and ellipses. Those worked well emphasize certain parts. The only thing is, this was more like prose in poetry form, which may be what you were going for, but if not I might try using some metaphors or something for some imagery. Other than that, really great job.