for The Crimson Ascension5/21/2009 c1 Elizabeth
First off, I've only read up to the end of Chapter 5, and I have a PowerPoint project to do, so I can't read any more tonight. But from what I've seen, it's very good and I like the storyline a lot. I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes in every chapter, but other than that I haven't seen many technical errors, although you might want to add some more variety in your sentence lengths. As for storyline, there were a couple parts where I was a bit confused on what was going on, such as the opening paragraph in the prologue, and I had to keep reading until it was explained later on in the passage, so you might want to make that part a little more clear. I like the developments in the plot, such as the hero growing up in the villian's palace (you don't see that very often!) and I'm very interested in seeing what happens next, which is always a good sign. I can also tell the two who were your inspiration(s?) for the characters of Keiara and Caer. Jo is obviously Keiara; it's so very...her. I can hear her voice in everything Keiara says, and you are definitely represented by Caer. Which isn't bad at all, don't get me wrong; I just think it's cute. And wait: if he thinks she's silly for wearing a thin cloak in the ice garden, then why the heck is he bare-chested? Shouldn't he be frozen solid by then? Anyway, I would love to write more, but my Powerpoint is calling me. If you have any questions or want my opinion on anything, just ask, since I'll check my e-mails periodically. Better yet, tell me your IM name and we can communicate that way.. Hope this helps! Sorry for not being more detailed! I think it's really good!
First off, I've only read up to the end of Chapter 5, and I have a PowerPoint project to do, so I can't read any more tonight. But from what I've seen, it's very good and I like the storyline a lot. I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes in every chapter, but other than that I haven't seen many technical errors, although you might want to add some more variety in your sentence lengths. As for storyline, there were a couple parts where I was a bit confused on what was going on, such as the opening paragraph in the prologue, and I had to keep reading until it was explained later on in the passage, so you might want to make that part a little more clear. I like the developments in the plot, such as the hero growing up in the villian's palace (you don't see that very often!) and I'm very interested in seeing what happens next, which is always a good sign. I can also tell the two who were your inspiration(s?) for the characters of Keiara and Caer. Jo is obviously Keiara; it's so very...her. I can hear her voice in everything Keiara says, and you are definitely represented by Caer. Which isn't bad at all, don't get me wrong; I just think it's cute. And wait: if he thinks she's silly for wearing a thin cloak in the ice garden, then why the heck is he bare-chested? Shouldn't he be frozen solid by then? Anyway, I would love to write more, but my Powerpoint is calling me. If you have any questions or want my opinion on anything, just ask, since I'll check my e-mails periodically. Better yet, tell me your IM name and we can communicate that way.. Hope this helps! Sorry for not being more detailed! I think it's really good!
5/21/2009 c3 Nathan
Personally i love journal format because at least for me it helps me get into their head more...
i have read very far yet but i think you should include some of embers journals to get a different perspective on each situation
Personally i love journal format because at least for me it helps me get into their head more...
i have read very far yet but i think you should include some of embers journals to get a different perspective on each situation
5/21/2009 c2 Nathan
I really like this so far.
I really like this so far.
5/20/2009 c1 Mosrael Astarael
This story has real potential to become a fully published novel, and already shows a lot of the writer's true voice and natural ability to write. With a little editing, this novel will go far. This is a great read for anyone seeking a good fiction/fantasy story, and I'm sure, when finished, it will reap good reviews from whatever kind of critic feels like reviewing it. 5 Stars!
Mosrael Astarael
This story has real potential to become a fully published novel, and already shows a lot of the writer's true voice and natural ability to write. With a little editing, this novel will go far. This is a great read for anyone seeking a good fiction/fantasy story, and I'm sure, when finished, it will reap good reviews from whatever kind of critic feels like reviewing it. 5 Stars!
Mosrael Astarael
5/20/2009 c7 
2DestinyAiden
See...I told you that I would eventually review this for you. I bet you an guess what I am going to say next. WRITE MORE! Other than the mild confusing that I had about the journals that you cleared up for me it is a very easy read. When this is finished I wan't a original signed copy.
2DestinyAidenSee...I told you that I would eventually review this for you. I bet you an guess what I am going to say next. WRITE MORE! Other than the mild confusing that I had about the journals that you cleared up for me it is a very easy read. When this is finished I wan't a original signed copy.
5/19/2009 c1 Nuae
Whew...well. Quite alot to digest in one sitting. Nicely done, though. Even for me coming in halfway through, there are some things that I can just read and get right then. Excellent fantasy descriptions too. I'll be waiting for the whole book.
Whew...well. Quite alot to digest in one sitting. Nicely done, though. Even for me coming in halfway through, there are some things that I can just read and get right then. Excellent fantasy descriptions too. I'll be waiting for the whole book.
5/16/2009 c1 Katie
From what I've read this is pretty dang cool! The writing is detailed and vivid! Go you!
From what I've read this is pretty dang cool! The writing is detailed and vivid! Go you!
4/16/2009 c5 Rachael
"He’d oftentimes be in the kitchens when Loki or Arran’s most recent victim would come in for some of Cook’s bruise-balm or any of remedies in Cook’s cabinet, most of which were medicinal herbs that were often used in Am’zhere to prevent unwanted pregnancies."
Mkay...I know that this is a fictional story and all...but if they're coming /after/ the rape and taking something to not get pregnant...yeah. If they're already pregnant at that point...it's basically the same as having an abortion.
Anyway. Yeah. You know how I feel and I'm not going to start a huge argument with anyone or anything, but just thought I'd mention it.
"He’d oftentimes be in the kitchens when Loki or Arran’s most recent victim would come in for some of Cook’s bruise-balm or any of remedies in Cook’s cabinet, most of which were medicinal herbs that were often used in Am’zhere to prevent unwanted pregnancies."
Mkay...I know that this is a fictional story and all...but if they're coming /after/ the rape and taking something to not get pregnant...yeah. If they're already pregnant at that point...it's basically the same as having an abortion.
Anyway. Yeah. You know how I feel and I'm not going to start a huge argument with anyone or anything, but just thought I'd mention it.
4/16/2009 c7 blackrule
I love this story! I don't usually read much of adventure but I thought what the heck maybe there will be a bit of romance in it as well, and I was very right to keep reading hehe I really can't wait to read the next chapter. Keep up the great work! :)
I love this story! I don't usually read much of adventure but I thought what the heck maybe there will be a bit of romance in it as well, and I was very right to keep reading hehe I really can't wait to read the next chapter. Keep up the great work! :)
4/16/2009 c7 Keiara Haruno
Gosh, I am getting so anxious as to how you are going to portray Keia and how you are going to write "that/those part(s) later in the story.
KEEP WRITING DARN YOU! .
#1 Fan
~Keia
Gosh, I am getting so anxious as to how you are going to portray Keia and how you are going to write "that/those part(s) later in the story.
KEEP WRITING DARN YOU! .
#1 Fan
~Keia
4/15/2009 c5 Keiara Haruno
Love it... of course
But I have read further than what has been posted so, I know what all is going on, lucky me!
Love it... of course
But I have read further than what has been posted so, I know what all is going on, lucky me!
3/27/2009 c2 Rachael
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies" is a good line, but it's already been used so I'm not sure if you can use it or not...
The format on chapter two is also kinda annoying but that may just be the site.
It's pretty good so far.
Your writing has really matured since you've begun. I'd just like to point out-shouldn't Caer (Red) have at least a shirt on if someone's going to die in a dress and a cloak...? Regardless that he's probably part fire demon magic lord wolf thing whatever.
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies" is a good line, but it's already been used so I'm not sure if you can use it or not...
The format on chapter two is also kinda annoying but that may just be the site.
It's pretty good so far.
Your writing has really matured since you've begun. I'd just like to point out-shouldn't Caer (Red) have at least a shirt on if someone's going to die in a dress and a cloak...? Regardless that he's probably part fire demon magic lord wolf thing whatever.
3/26/2009 c4 2Linnorria
Well I like that idea, though I feel that Keia's reactions are a bit quick. She's rather self-focused seeming at this point of time as well; but then she's 13... still that kind of incident at dinner sounds awful.
oh, and not even letting her change or go to her rooms before pulling into a long discussion would be rude wouldn't it? but I guess you made up for that by having him let her go before dinner.
and Caer is disturbingly forward given his 'lower' social status by presuming to call her Keia... he should ask "Am I you friend?" or something first.
otherwise, it looks really good.
2LinnorriaWell I like that idea, though I feel that Keia's reactions are a bit quick. She's rather self-focused seeming at this point of time as well; but then she's 13... still that kind of incident at dinner sounds awful.
oh, and not even letting her change or go to her rooms before pulling into a long discussion would be rude wouldn't it? but I guess you made up for that by having him let her go before dinner.
and Caer is disturbingly forward given his 'lower' social status by presuming to call her Keia... he should ask "Am I you friend?" or something first.
otherwise, it looks really good.
3/26/2009 c2 Linnorria
umm... you forgot to double space between paragraphs at the end of this chapter, and some of the verb tenses in the prologue sound a bit weird.
umm... you forgot to double space between paragraphs at the end of this chapter, and some of the verb tenses in the prologue sound a bit weird.