for The Devil's Heir11/29/2009 c1 ThereIsTime
Awesome!
I love the connections to things outside the poem, like the line 'Carve your mouth in a Joker's cut'.
I also like the way you reverted back the 'And the devil says' after every stanza. Though, the grammer freak in me coming out now, Devil should have a capital D, unless you fully intended it to be lower case, in which case it works great =D
The stanza after 'And the devil says, "Entertain" is my favourite, the way you've made hell (well, i thought you were describing hell, sorry if you weren't) into a sort of play, a pantomime, very unique.
The whole idea of the poem is very good, you never hear anything about the Devil stepping out of his role and giving it to someone else, it's usually The Devils Advocate or something like that, so very new and interesting.
So i think i've rambled on enough, I loved the poem.
Peace XD
Awesome!
I love the connections to things outside the poem, like the line 'Carve your mouth in a Joker's cut'.
I also like the way you reverted back the 'And the devil says' after every stanza. Though, the grammer freak in me coming out now, Devil should have a capital D, unless you fully intended it to be lower case, in which case it works great =D
The stanza after 'And the devil says, "Entertain" is my favourite, the way you've made hell (well, i thought you were describing hell, sorry if you weren't) into a sort of play, a pantomime, very unique.
The whole idea of the poem is very good, you never hear anything about the Devil stepping out of his role and giving it to someone else, it's usually The Devils Advocate or something like that, so very new and interesting.
So i think i've rambled on enough, I loved the poem.
Peace XD
3/25/2009 c1 
3Balliett
wow. i loved it. it really struck a chord in me. it relays a fantastic view of the twisted, demented demons writhing inside human beings. it's just amazing~!
i love the repetition in this piece. i love the irony at the end as well. nngh. it's just gorgeous in a fashion suitable for such dark subject matter.
one thing i've noticed about your writing and poetry: you have a tendency to use similar flowery words and metaphors in a lot of your pieces. expand on your topics/ideas/figurative language. because after awhile of repeated use, the words will lose their sparkle. you know?
otherwise, i am totally in adoration of this poem. it's lovely. i hope the people at your school can appreciate the beauty of it. :DD
3Balliettwow. i loved it. it really struck a chord in me. it relays a fantastic view of the twisted, demented demons writhing inside human beings. it's just amazing~!
i love the repetition in this piece. i love the irony at the end as well. nngh. it's just gorgeous in a fashion suitable for such dark subject matter.
one thing i've noticed about your writing and poetry: you have a tendency to use similar flowery words and metaphors in a lot of your pieces. expand on your topics/ideas/figurative language. because after awhile of repeated use, the words will lose their sparkle. you know?
otherwise, i am totally in adoration of this poem. it's lovely. i hope the people at your school can appreciate the beauty of it. :DD