for Godchild5/15/2013 c2 
1xmenrule
Totally Awesome! the story is really good but you have some problems very few though
- verb agreement
- spelling
- missing words ( I think there was only one)
1xmenruleTotally Awesome! the story is really good but you have some problems very few though
- verb agreement
- spelling
- missing words ( I think there was only one)
8/21/2009 c2 1Chocolate Unicorn
I like it.
Good job!
I wonder what Sarah's sepcial enhanced vision was supposed to see? Unless you already mentioned this and i just some how missed it .
Which has happened to me before.
Anyway hurry up and update :)
1Chocolate UnicornI like it.
Good job!
I wonder what Sarah's sepcial enhanced vision was supposed to see? Unless you already mentioned this and i just some how missed it .
Which has happened to me before.
Anyway hurry up and update :)
4/1/2009 c1 5Maplewing
I like the title. :D
The woman's conflicting emotions in the beginning leave many questions unanswered about her past and the baby's father, but that's one of those things that makes a story interesting to read.
In addition, Roger (I hate referring to people by Dr or Ms so and so)'s thoughts on this woman are nice too, especially the line "Not that it mattered. The child didn’t have to have an eccentric background, and he almost preferred it didn’t. A background meant that it had roots, and he didn’t want a person with roots, he wanted a blank slate. A completely clean test subject."
I love that this woman, though she's obviously desperate to get rid of her child, wants to have a say in her name. Sarah... I like it. Any reasons for the name that will be uncovered?
And finally, another great line:
"How wonderful children are, he thought. So innocent and clean. So perfect, ready to mold."
This one is beautfully ominous with that Dr. Frankenstein ring to it... great job. ;D
All in all, pretty good story. I'll continue reading to get caught up.
5MaplewingI like the title. :D
The woman's conflicting emotions in the beginning leave many questions unanswered about her past and the baby's father, but that's one of those things that makes a story interesting to read.
In addition, Roger (I hate referring to people by Dr or Ms so and so)'s thoughts on this woman are nice too, especially the line "Not that it mattered. The child didn’t have to have an eccentric background, and he almost preferred it didn’t. A background meant that it had roots, and he didn’t want a person with roots, he wanted a blank slate. A completely clean test subject."
I love that this woman, though she's obviously desperate to get rid of her child, wants to have a say in her name. Sarah... I like it. Any reasons for the name that will be uncovered?
And finally, another great line:
"How wonderful children are, he thought. So innocent and clean. So perfect, ready to mold."
This one is beautfully ominous with that Dr. Frankenstein ring to it... great job. ;D
All in all, pretty good story. I'll continue reading to get caught up.
4/1/2009 c2 3Sav3MyS0ul
Nice chapter.
I have thousands of questions. What type of lab is it? How many other labs are there? Are these kids never allowed to go outside, go to school or any other places.
Is this lab trying to make some kind of freak super hero with all the powers?
Update soon :)
3Sav3MyS0ulNice chapter.
I have thousands of questions. What type of lab is it? How many other labs are there? Are these kids never allowed to go outside, go to school or any other places.
Is this lab trying to make some kind of freak super hero with all the powers?
Update soon :)
3/31/2009 c1 Sav3MyS0ul
Really, cannot wait to read more. Please update soon.
What is that place, doing experiments on infants, is it a secret government project of some kind. I think its bad business, worse than animal testing.
Can't wait to read more. Good work.
Really, cannot wait to read more. Please update soon.
What is that place, doing experiments on infants, is it a secret government project of some kind. I think its bad business, worse than animal testing.
Can't wait to read more. Good work.
3/30/2009 c1 1Chocolate Unicorn
:D
This is interesting
i don't have any critique really. It's still early, but there was one little thing that bothered me. It's small really
but when Doctor Smith "Roger" says
(“Another kid was brought to us, Doctor Longman,” he said. Reina stood up from her desk and turned to Roger with a smile.)
The fact that he says kid seems unproffesional to me. Since you've already mentioned that he didn't want to use "Complex" words with the mother of Sarah because he wasn't sure she would "Understand" him, it seems that he should say child. Since a kid is the name of a baby goat and child is a human...baby. it would fit better. But then again i don't know his personality so i could be completley off.
Like i said it's just a small thing i noticed. Everything else was done excellenty from what i could tell. :)
-Futurestar
1Chocolate Unicorn:D
This is interesting
i don't have any critique really. It's still early, but there was one little thing that bothered me. It's small really
but when Doctor Smith "Roger" says
(“Another kid was brought to us, Doctor Longman,” he said. Reina stood up from her desk and turned to Roger with a smile.)
The fact that he says kid seems unproffesional to me. Since you've already mentioned that he didn't want to use "Complex" words with the mother of Sarah because he wasn't sure she would "Understand" him, it seems that he should say child. Since a kid is the name of a baby goat and child is a human...baby. it would fit better. But then again i don't know his personality so i could be completley off.
Like i said it's just a small thing i noticed. Everything else was done excellenty from what i could tell. :)
-Futurestar
3/29/2009 c1 3Leech Lester
Ah, I really like this, it had my attention from the very beggining! You manage to keep enough information from the reader to keep them interested and yet revealed enough for us to understand the basic situation. Looking forward to the next chapter~!
Cerulean K. Harmony
3Leech LesterAh, I really like this, it had my attention from the very beggining! You manage to keep enough information from the reader to keep them interested and yet revealed enough for us to understand the basic situation. Looking forward to the next chapter~!
Cerulean K. Harmony