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4/4/2009 c7 10LeLa London
well, i'm going to sound repetitive but 'music' is really sweet. i can relate to this one. i think about similar sentiments when i'm hanging out with friends.
4/4/2009 c6 LeLa London
this is good. i was feeling all the dejection and resigned acceptance of a hopeless future.
4/4/2009 c5 LeLa London
wow, i loved the literary devices that you used. this is my favorite poem of yours so far. it's really honest and i understand the meaning of this poem the most for some reason.
4/4/2009 c4 LeLa London
so despairing and empathetic. i felt your words. i'm sorry you went through that.
4/4/2009 c3 LeLa London
ah...while reading your poem, all teenage yearning and uncertainty appeared through some of descriptions you wrote. it was nice to read.
4/4/2009 c2 LeLa London
L3 and L18- you could leave out "the."

L1-L10-main point- "will you remember me [...] do you regret it?" L11, 22, and 23- "it" was love forgotten.

narrator was distraught. words of "you," "remember," "tonight," and "party" are significant.

poem is sad. i wished you would have described more like a flashback of a scene regarding this party to add depth to it, but that's just me.
4/4/2009 c1 LeLa London
so i'm kind of lazy to be proper and capitalize you'll have to excuse me for that.

let's see. wow, the poem was very violent. i was feeling sad such negative words were used and the picture that was painted (which is good that you're making feel that way btw). i think your ideas are there. it's just again, your conventions need some improvement. in line 4 i think you meant to use the word "vain" instead of "vane?" There is verb confusion in lines 7 and 8. you started out using past tense and then changed it to present. it's awkward to do so. maybe you could use another verb? in line 9 did you mean "all the laughter they shared?" i think you meant to say in line 11, "as she runs away." line 16 should say "that night she claimed two lives." you could use the thesaurus to spice up your word usage and add more elaborate details. you don't have to rhyme all time although you probably like to. i'm beginning to think it's part of your style so don't mind me. i hope this review was help and keep in mind i'm trying to help in a constructive way. i'm kind of worried you'll take this the wrong way. please don't.
4/3/2009 c1 4The-Golden-Hour
vane-VAIN =]

soz, for correcting i just thought you would like to know the propper grammer xD

,its a powerful poem...better then rubbish meaningless poetry defiantly =]
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