for A Collection of the Incomplete6/25/2009 c4 Isca
Ashelin,
"All the clocks are watching us tick-tock." This is a very creative, thought-provoking opening line. It's as if the speaker feels like she's being 'watched' by the clocks-they 'stare' at her and remind her of her own impending death.
"Like a million chimes / Like a zillion dimes." These lines flowed incredibly well. Nice word play, as well, with rhyming words and numbers. I also like the way in which the 'money' imagery connects back to the 'city' imagery-it's all very vibrant and bourgeois.
"And soon the seasons won't change." Obviously, I was reminded of the myth regarding Demeter and Persephone. I love that the speaker is so nonchalant about all of this-maybe she doesn't care that the seasons won't change anymore because she knows that she won't be around long enough to see any of that happen.
Keep up the great work,
-Isca
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
Ashelin,
"All the clocks are watching us tick-tock." This is a very creative, thought-provoking opening line. It's as if the speaker feels like she's being 'watched' by the clocks-they 'stare' at her and remind her of her own impending death.
"Like a million chimes / Like a zillion dimes." These lines flowed incredibly well. Nice word play, as well, with rhyming words and numbers. I also like the way in which the 'money' imagery connects back to the 'city' imagery-it's all very vibrant and bourgeois.
"And soon the seasons won't change." Obviously, I was reminded of the myth regarding Demeter and Persephone. I love that the speaker is so nonchalant about all of this-maybe she doesn't care that the seasons won't change anymore because she knows that she won't be around long enough to see any of that happen.
Keep up the great work,
-Isca
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)
4/23/2009 c1 
1k+Faithless Juliet
I love the gentile realness of us. Every women dreams or fantisizes about being a mother. How they will protect their children, it's very animalistic actually, the desire to protect ones young.
Not to say that the poem is animalistic, of course! Just the instinct behind what you portray here.
I especially adored the first stanza. Breathtaking! Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
1k+Faithless JulietI love the gentile realness of us. Every women dreams or fantisizes about being a mother. How they will protect their children, it's very animalistic actually, the desire to protect ones young.
Not to say that the poem is animalistic, of course! Just the instinct behind what you portray here.
I especially adored the first stanza. Breathtaking! Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
4/4/2009 c4 12Sir Scott
These were pretty interesting. The one about the tomb in his mother's womb was kinda creepy, but weird and random thoughts fill the writer's mind at times.
~SirScott
12Sir ScottThese were pretty interesting. The one about the tomb in his mother's womb was kinda creepy, but weird and random thoughts fill the writer's mind at times.
~SirScott
4/1/2009 c4 Amarantha
Enjoyed reading it...it seems like a setting in London, or some faraway place, like a dream, somehow.
Enjoyed reading it...it seems like a setting in London, or some faraway place, like a dream, somehow.
4/1/2009 c2 Amarantha
This is the most vivid image I've conjured up yet. Not so much image as a strong feeling - revulsion, maybe, feeling these emotions.
I wouldn't describe it as love, but your poem struck me.
This is the most vivid image I've conjured up yet. Not so much image as a strong feeling - revulsion, maybe, feeling these emotions.
I wouldn't describe it as love, but your poem struck me.