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for never wanted to dance

5/4/2010 c1 1Triizore
How do people do this? These metaphors. Urgh. I can never get a hang of them.

I envy you. It's dark, dramatic, fast and it makes you think. The end catches you by surprise.
6/1/2009 c1 7Duckies
I like how short and succinct this is, and even though it appears to be a one-off, i think that it has the premises to be expanded if you ever chose to.

I didn't like that you used the word 'testosterone' because with this piece being about lovers, it doesn't seem right because testosterone is mostly in males only, and you're talking about both people in that sentence. Just a small nit-pick, and I guess the lovers could both be male, but it just didn't really fit for me.

Also, a comma after "pace quickens" would make the flow better (even though it's already good.)

I really like the way you used short sentences, it added to the pace and dramatic tone of the story perfectly, and the last few lines were great. A really interesting idea and concept, awesome work!

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