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for Love Poem

4/4/2009 c1 10LeLa London
Aww..Space-Kid that was so sweet and adorable. Did I make you cringe with my words? lol. I like the simpleness that your poem conveyed and you even rhymed plus points for doing so. Since you wanted advice, I'm going to try to help you . So this girl of yours is your friend, but you like her more than that. First of all, does she have a boyfriend? If not, then when you guys hang out do you guys flirt with each other? I think you should tell her if you can face the consequences of telling her. I mean things could go wrong if someone doesn't feel the same way. Friendships might not be the same either. I've had that happen to me a couple of times. So I hope I don't sound discouraging. I wanted to be helpful and realist. If your feelings are that strong, then you should tell her sometime. Keeping deep feelings inside of you tends to eat away at you. I'm kind of all over the place with advice, but this is a tough situation. It's ultimately up to you to decide though.

Really off topic: would you mind reading some of my poems? You don't have to. I just wanted to what people thought.

I'm going to read your other poems and tell you what I think.

Sincerely, Lela
4/4/2009 c1 17Kitani Rairakku
The first eight lines, I like. They seem much more lighthearted than the other lines relating to your own self-hatred (since skinny-white fry is a rather humorous way of looking at oneself).

I think if you talk down about yourself too much, it'll make her feel awkward, sad, and have more pity for you than feelings of attraction. For a love poem, it has a very negative tone to it.

It sounds too much like you're trying to MAKE her accept your feelings. The poem might make her feel bad if she doesn't feel the same way. While poetry needs to be from your own heart, when it is something written for someone else, you should be thinking about them as well. Why not try making a poem that focuses more on her~? :3

And good luck to you!
4/4/2009 c1 44zeck-zeecola8
This poem is not all over the place, however, you should decide whether to give it to her or not. In your heart it needs to feel right, you must listen and choose your own path. I think if this girl can get past the surface she will love it. Choose wisely for you only live once.
4/3/2009 c1 flies.like.decay
Never give somebody a poem where you talk down about yourself. It's like saying, "Even though I can't think positively about myself, I will have a positive influence on a relationship" when you obviously WONT.

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