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for The Garden of Everything

4/5/2009 c1 22Mi.Ishi
Super cute. I'm interested in seeing the painting now. Nice shape of the lines, but the stanza work seems a little off. I think you should just take out all the little dashes; they disrupt the reader-flow a lot.

Your use of the language seems strong, I think that all you could do now is just expand the vocabulary in this. But very good overall.

-Mi.Ishi (Shay)

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