for The Garden of Everything4/5/2009 c1 
22Mi.Ishi
Super cute. I'm interested in seeing the painting now. Nice shape of the lines, but the stanza work seems a little off. I think you should just take out all the little dashes; they disrupt the reader-flow a lot.
Your use of the language seems strong, I think that all you could do now is just expand the vocabulary in this. But very good overall.
-Mi.Ishi (Shay)
22Mi.IshiSuper cute. I'm interested in seeing the painting now. Nice shape of the lines, but the stanza work seems a little off. I think you should just take out all the little dashes; they disrupt the reader-flow a lot.
Your use of the language seems strong, I think that all you could do now is just expand the vocabulary in this. But very good overall.
-Mi.Ishi (Shay)