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for A Sultry Kind of Tango Filibuster

1/23/2010 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
[Review Game: Poems - Easy Fix]

I really loved the tone in this poem. First of all, I was just about out of breath by the end, what with your total lack of punctuation in the second half of your poem, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it was your intent.

The rhyme was also lent a sort of nursery rhyme quality to the poem, like a "Ring Around the Rosie" style of negativity hidden behind singing choruses children. I don't consider that a bad thing, though. Those rhymes gave the two separate parts of your poem (the circus stunt theme and the dancing theme).

Your word choice was great for almost the entire poem, but the third-to-last line bugged me, because the word "break" has nothing to do with anything else in the poem. "Shaking" would be a dance term, but breaking? That doesn't tie in to the circus theme of the upper five lines or the dancing theme of the next five lines. Honestly, "make" would probably be a better word, but that might just be how I feel. You are, of course, the writer. Great job overall.

After looking at your profile, I have to ask an off-topic question and make an off-topic comment. First, your music taste is quite good. You like The Killers and The Ink Spots, so you immediately make my list of people with good taste. Also, I have to ask about Joss Wheadon (if you *really* are a fan): are you a Buffy fan or a Firefly/Serenity fan first?

thewhimsicalbard
4/6/2009 c1 3massattraction
LOVE IT!

It sounds to me like your talking about the way we say things as humans, and the fact that we "dance around the problem," as you have so wonderfully personified here.

I actually adore the way this one sounds, it flows really nice when you read it aloud.

Very, very nicely done ;)
4/6/2009 c1 86Soul Effrontery
I really liked this! The rythem is amazing; however, on that note, I am slightly thrown by the spinning lines. I see where you're going, but it seems a little too short to acheive the goal. It threw the rythem but didn't quite get the feeling of spinning out there to the reader.

But that's a choice for you :)

Again, loved it.

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