for A Thistle Grows1/25/2019 c1 LunaRed
The last paragraph where they lock in an embrace actually caught me off guard since her thoughts were showing that she didn't look at the poor fondly or even knew anything remotely about them, ofc due to what her father said.
I think it was a twist when you showed that she is indeed in love with a man of a status lower to her.
Her anticipation was something I liked, I wish there would have been a scene where she gave the seed cake, lol. I loved the last line where she says that a weed grew right there in her own father's garden, as if he grew a treasure which she never knew she longed for. That line was cute, showing their affection for each other.
The last paragraph where they lock in an embrace actually caught me off guard since her thoughts were showing that she didn't look at the poor fondly or even knew anything remotely about them, ofc due to what her father said.
I think it was a twist when you showed that she is indeed in love with a man of a status lower to her.
Her anticipation was something I liked, I wish there would have been a scene where she gave the seed cake, lol. I loved the last line where she says that a weed grew right there in her own father's garden, as if he grew a treasure which she never knew she longed for. That line was cute, showing their affection for each other.
4/27/2009 c1 
6totallyred
[I'm REALLY sorry... This is supposed to be my review for you for the April Fool's Thingy... I was so busy... Sorry.]
At first when I was reading the story I thought it was just full of descriptions and stuff like that... but it as I read on it was getting more interesting.
I like the way you describe her clothes. It really helps me imagine her.
When I finished the story, I was smiling becasue I didn't know that Elizabeth's purpose for going there was Mihai... haha. Well... It's pretty good. So keep it up!
6totallyred[I'm REALLY sorry... This is supposed to be my review for you for the April Fool's Thingy... I was so busy... Sorry.]
At first when I was reading the story I thought it was just full of descriptions and stuff like that... but it as I read on it was getting more interesting.
I like the way you describe her clothes. It really helps me imagine her.
When I finished the story, I was smiling becasue I didn't know that Elizabeth's purpose for going there was Mihai... haha. Well... It's pretty good. So keep it up!
4/15/2009 c1 Chancee
I simply love the way you write. It is so beautiful. The details that you give are of high quality and the selection of words is wonderful.
This is such a well written piece I hope that you win. I loved the pace and mystery about the young woman.
I can't think of anything that would improve this because it is excellent.
Great job as always Suzanne.
Momo
I simply love the way you write. It is so beautiful. The details that you give are of high quality and the selection of words is wonderful.
This is such a well written piece I hope that you win. I loved the pace and mystery about the young woman.
I can't think of anything that would improve this because it is excellent.
Great job as always Suzanne.
Momo
4/13/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
[and that hat surely, was from the London season]
If I'm correct, you're missing a comma before surely. What I know would be correct is if surely was after was (and no comma).
[society,best ]
Missing a space after the comma, haha.
[They were prickly, ugly thistles amongst rose bushes.]
Hm, the weeds of society connection to the prompt again.
[She felt goosebumps
form on her arms and shivered.]
Little mistake there, you probably accidentally hit the enter key and separated it into two paragraphs.
[she came out of her hiding spot straining her neck to see over them.]
Is "straining her neck to see over them" modifying what she's doing on coming out of her hiding spot? Or is it a separate action, after she came out? Like the way it is now, she came out of her hiding spot while her neck is strained to see over. Basically: I think you meant a comma before straining.
[He wore a bright red silk scarf around his neck, which set off his dark wavy hair and eyes nicely.]
Description of hair and use of "nicely"... look, it's the object of love/infatuation/whatever.
[he murmured “I know”.]
Unless you meant it as such (and I know you can), it should've been a comma after murmured and then periods inside the quotations, if you had meant it as dialogue.
Pretend I said aw and thought it was romantic or something. XD
I liked the final line for its relation to the prompt and generally.
Good luck in WCC!
- Sesshy
[and that hat surely, was from the London season]
If I'm correct, you're missing a comma before surely. What I know would be correct is if surely was after was (and no comma).
[society,best ]
Missing a space after the comma, haha.
[They were prickly, ugly thistles amongst rose bushes.]
Hm, the weeds of society connection to the prompt again.
[She felt goosebumps
form on her arms and shivered.]
Little mistake there, you probably accidentally hit the enter key and separated it into two paragraphs.
[she came out of her hiding spot straining her neck to see over them.]
Is "straining her neck to see over them" modifying what she's doing on coming out of her hiding spot? Or is it a separate action, after she came out? Like the way it is now, she came out of her hiding spot while her neck is strained to see over. Basically: I think you meant a comma before straining.
[He wore a bright red silk scarf around his neck, which set off his dark wavy hair and eyes nicely.]
Description of hair and use of "nicely"... look, it's the object of love/infatuation/whatever.
[he murmured “I know”.]
Unless you meant it as such (and I know you can), it should've been a comma after murmured and then periods inside the quotations, if you had meant it as dialogue.
Pretend I said aw and thought it was romantic or something. XD
I liked the final line for its relation to the prompt and generally.
Good luck in WCC!
- Sesshy
4/12/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, good one shot here. I think this one should be the best one shot you've got so far. I really like the description you've done here. It's very detailed and it reflected the mood of the story. As for Mihai and Elizabeth, in a very real sense they reminds me of Wheater and Alestrial. And of course this one shot will definitely have a good continuity potential. :)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuWell, good one shot here. I think this one should be the best one shot you've got so far. I really like the description you've done here. It's very detailed and it reflected the mood of the story. As for Mihai and Elizabeth, in a very real sense they reminds me of Wheater and Alestrial. And of course this one shot will definitely have a good continuity potential. :)
4/12/2009 c1 3The Ferrett
I like the plot flow, but find her comment "They are not ladies" threw me a little in the first reading. I know they mean two different things now and then, but call it conditioning. Utterly love the piece though. *Hugs* Good luck.
3The FerrettI like the plot flow, but find her comment "They are not ladies" threw me a little in the first reading. I know they mean two different things now and then, but call it conditioning. Utterly love the piece though. *Hugs* Good luck.
4/12/2009 c1 7Duckies
Gah, I'm such a sucker for a good romance XD. Really liked your first line, it was short and made the reader [i.e me] incredibly curious. Good work with the tension build up at the start, it emphasised the environment and surroundings nicely.
I found the relationship between the two characters rather confusing though - "She smiled, repeating the name in her mind. Mihai. It sounded like the call of one of those exotic birds she had read about in her father's books." Whilst this is a REALLY pretty line, it makes it seem as though she is hearing it for the first time, and they seem to know eachother quite well already ;)
Well related to the prompt, and all in all, a very intiguing story. Good luck for the WCC! :)
7DuckiesGah, I'm such a sucker for a good romance XD. Really liked your first line, it was short and made the reader [i.e me] incredibly curious. Good work with the tension build up at the start, it emphasised the environment and surroundings nicely.
I found the relationship between the two characters rather confusing though - "She smiled, repeating the name in her mind. Mihai. It sounded like the call of one of those exotic birds she had read about in her father's books." Whilst this is a REALLY pretty line, it makes it seem as though she is hearing it for the first time, and they seem to know eachother quite well already ;)
Well related to the prompt, and all in all, a very intiguing story. Good luck for the WCC! :)
4/10/2009 c1 41Dreamweaver38
haha This is really cute Suzy!
Great great job!
I liked it XD, music has a way of drawing people...
Good Luck in WCC!
River(s).
41Dreamweaver38haha This is really cute Suzy!
Great great job!
I liked it XD, music has a way of drawing people...
Good Luck in WCC!
River(s).
4/9/2009 c1 13Nicki BluIs
This piece was good but it was a bit confusing at the end. Did she know Mihai already? Or does she always just met into the arms of strangers? It was unclear becuase she "repeated the name in her mind" as if it were the first time.. but then they seem close already. But I like the thistle anology.
Bubbles :P
13Nicki BluIsThis piece was good but it was a bit confusing at the end. Did she know Mihai already? Or does she always just met into the arms of strangers? It was unclear becuase she "repeated the name in her mind" as if it were the first time.. but then they seem close already. But I like the thistle anology.
Bubbles :P
4/9/2009 c1 3DragonCeres
aw it's beautiful!
i absolutely luv your one-shots. personally, i can't write something so short. but it's wonderful.
i think fp messed up ur formatting in one paragraph: "She felt goosebumps... form" that was broken into two paragraphs.
and forbidden love is always so sweet (ignoring the harsh and impossible part).
great job.
3DragonCeresaw it's beautiful!
i absolutely luv your one-shots. personally, i can't write something so short. but it's wonderful.
i think fp messed up ur formatting in one paragraph: "She felt goosebumps... form" that was broken into two paragraphs.
and forbidden love is always so sweet (ignoring the harsh and impossible part).
great job.
4/8/2009 c1 6Kalista Jia
It like the atmosphere you built up. I am able to picture the setting well.
She smiled, repeating the name in her mind. Mihai. It sounded like the call of one of those exotic birds she had read about in her father's books. (Ah, I like that name. Also by relating it to an exostic bird = GOLD.)
It is well written. (Which of your fics aren't? Honestly!)
Cute ending too!
6Kalista JiaIt like the atmosphere you built up. I am able to picture the setting well.
She smiled, repeating the name in her mind. Mihai. It sounded like the call of one of those exotic birds she had read about in her father's books. (Ah, I like that name. Also by relating it to an exostic bird = GOLD.)
It is well written. (Which of your fics aren't? Honestly!)
Cute ending too!
4/8/2009 c1 14improvisationallychallenged
I probably shouldn't do this incase you win WCC, but feckit... :p
For the roadhouse -
This is such a pretty little piece, Suz. The tension builds nicely in the beginning, the atmosphere of the setting develops without miring down the plot - all descriptions seem to be woven well into the narrative. The whole thing, plot, dialogue and quality of prose, all feel well balanced, making this engaging and enjoyable to read. I'd love to make this concrit, but I really don't have any criticism to give.
I have no idea what a pippin is though :\
14improvisationallychallengedI probably shouldn't do this incase you win WCC, but feckit... :p
For the roadhouse -
This is such a pretty little piece, Suz. The tension builds nicely in the beginning, the atmosphere of the setting develops without miring down the plot - all descriptions seem to be woven well into the narrative. The whole thing, plot, dialogue and quality of prose, all feel well balanced, making this engaging and enjoyable to read. I'd love to make this concrit, but I really don't have any criticism to give.
I have no idea what a pippin is though :\
4/8/2009 c1 22effervescent-sentiments
Aww, I love this last line. :) I'd really like to see this developed more! It doesn't have to be long, just more developed. I'll put it on story alert just in case you decide to!
Jules
22effervescent-sentimentsAww, I love this last line. :) I'd really like to see this developed more! It doesn't have to be long, just more developed. I'll put it on story alert just in case you decide to!
Jules