4/27/2009 c4 Sophie Ulquiorra Allen
A very tight chapter, very well executed. I liked Henry's interactions with his parents, and also the way he interacts with the other characters. While I find his abrupt switches from profanity into gentlemanly speech a bit overbearing at times, I think it just adds to his character. He's very well-rounded.

I think you might have gone a bit overboard with the 'Dark Lady' thing. I appreciate the background information, but I don't think the 'but honestly..' part at the end of the paragraph is necessary. It's great that you've come up with an interesting theory involving titles and nicknames, though.

It does seem a contradiction for Henry to refer to his own title as 'pointless and meaningless' if he and his family view Lady Emmerine's title/nickname as carrying special weight. I can understand him wanting to be familiar, but the whole lack of meaning thing doesn't make sense to me in such a context.

Great understated sexuality at the end of the chapter. Also, I do like Henry's laid back attitude about the whole thing.

I would caution you about having Sven look at Henry like a 'medb berry'. One of the cardinal rules in fantasy is to not throw around these terms or use odd words for perfectly normal vegetation/animals/etc. Maybe a later description of a medb berry would help, although I doubt it will play much into the story. Just be careful of that.

Otherwise, this is delightful. Keep up the good work. :)

Oh, and in answer to your question: I think that you write very well from both Julian and Henry's point of view. You seem to be comfortable working with both characters.

4/16/2009 c2 Sophie Ulquiorra Allen
I like that you bring 'international relations' into this story. It brings so much more to it; I'm interested to see what developments Pippa's kidnapping will bring about in everyone's character. I like Henry's terse tone here. It really adds to my understanding of him, and it adds a considerable amount of depth, which is great early on.

I noticed that you switched from third to first person within one paragraph. I think it should be done a little neater, perhaps in a separate paragraph? I don't mind the POV switch, though. I think you work well with first person, but I would caution you about revealing too much. When he mentions Sven, for example, he refers to the unnatural colour of his hair. Assuming, since he knows Sven's background, that he had already been in close contact with him, mentioning his hair seems to be unnecessary. There are several of these infodumps throughout; I'd watch out for them. I think it's a matter of introducing things in a different manner. I can't offer up any suggestions right now, but maybe make descriptions more...indirect?

Sorry if this review is more confusing than helpful. It's a good story, and I'm enjoying it thoroughly.