for Oh My4/12/2009 c1 
7Duckies
Oh my, I rather loved this poem. *Apologies, apologies, that was lame, I know :P*
Really liked your repitition of 'Oh my,' it gave the poem a great rhythm, almost like a song beat. The use of onomatopoeia was fab too, it helped me imagine the scene of someone typing and pondering. The tone of the poem was easy to take in, and the concept totally original. Loved the fact that knowing what the words meant made me feel great too XD Great work!
7DuckiesOh my, I rather loved this poem. *Apologies, apologies, that was lame, I know :P*
Really liked your repitition of 'Oh my,' it gave the poem a great rhythm, almost like a song beat. The use of onomatopoeia was fab too, it helped me imagine the scene of someone typing and pondering. The tone of the poem was easy to take in, and the concept totally original. Loved the fact that knowing what the words meant made me feel great too XD Great work!
4/11/2009 c1 22effervescent-sentiments
Hee! That was cute! :D I liked the Wizard of Oz comparison there. :P
Let's see. Don't likes. I'd use a different word than "futile" - it seems much more melodramatic than necessary, you know? Also, "hovering like a bird in flight"... I feel like there's a more original image there. The one you're using is cliche - try turning it on its head! Same with "light has been lit" - isn't there a more insteresting word choice?
I like words like "dive bomb," that's something to consider putting more of. :) Another thing - you mention similies, sonnets, metaphors, alliteration, symbolism, assonance, allusion ... and yet you have none of it. I think a cute idea would be to add all of the difference elements (not sonnets, necessarily, but hyperbole is another one) in the same poem. :) Just a suggestion!
Nice work,
Effervescent-Sentiments
22effervescent-sentimentsHee! That was cute! :D I liked the Wizard of Oz comparison there. :P
Let's see. Don't likes. I'd use a different word than "futile" - it seems much more melodramatic than necessary, you know? Also, "hovering like a bird in flight"... I feel like there's a more original image there. The one you're using is cliche - try turning it on its head! Same with "light has been lit" - isn't there a more insteresting word choice?
I like words like "dive bomb," that's something to consider putting more of. :) Another thing - you mention similies, sonnets, metaphors, alliteration, symbolism, assonance, allusion ... and yet you have none of it. I think a cute idea would be to add all of the difference elements (not sonnets, necessarily, but hyperbole is another one) in the same poem. :) Just a suggestion!
Nice work,
Effervescent-Sentiments
4/9/2009 c1 GoneAndDeleted
I love the rhythm of this poem!There's a steady beat but you could always expand the poem a bit more to make it longer.
I love the rhythm of this poem!There's a steady beat but you could always expand the poem a bit more to make it longer.