for Broken Doll6/12/2009 c1 
4Decoris Verbum
I owe you a review due to Rule 10, I believe. Sorry for the delay; I wasn't aware of it.
Anywho...I really loved this. Every bit of it was tasteful and stylistic. Ophelia's characters seems SO intriguing, mainly because of the metaphor you illustrate between her and a doll. The title's great, too. I just kind of got it at the end, and I love when it clicks like that - it's exactly what it's supposed to do. You also completed another goal: Now that I've seen the tip of the iceburg, I crave the rest. You made me want the rest of the story. Like I said before, it sounds really intriguing!
Best of luck; keep up the good work.
4Decoris VerbumI owe you a review due to Rule 10, I believe. Sorry for the delay; I wasn't aware of it.
Anywho...I really loved this. Every bit of it was tasteful and stylistic. Ophelia's characters seems SO intriguing, mainly because of the metaphor you illustrate between her and a doll. The title's great, too. I just kind of got it at the end, and I love when it clicks like that - it's exactly what it's supposed to do. You also completed another goal: Now that I've seen the tip of the iceburg, I crave the rest. You made me want the rest of the story. Like I said before, it sounds really intriguing!
Best of luck; keep up the good work.
6/12/2009 c1 11vrivasfl
All right. I'm going give you advice. Go with this and run with it! I really liked the one-shot. My only complaint is that it was so short and I never really learn what's going on. Honestly, if this is all there is, I question the point of even making them vampires. It seems to be good old fashioned royal treachery.
You need to expand on this, because the actual vampire-ness needs to flow. This one-shot left me so "huh?" There needs to be more, because this really can't stand on it's own. I look forward to more Ophelia, because I know you will have more in the future, even if it's just another one-shot.
11vrivasflAll right. I'm going give you advice. Go with this and run with it! I really liked the one-shot. My only complaint is that it was so short and I never really learn what's going on. Honestly, if this is all there is, I question the point of even making them vampires. It seems to be good old fashioned royal treachery.
You need to expand on this, because the actual vampire-ness needs to flow. This one-shot left me so "huh?" There needs to be more, because this really can't stand on it's own. I look forward to more Ophelia, because I know you will have more in the future, even if it's just another one-shot.
6/12/2009 c1 Eurypon
I liked this very much. The characters were very well defined and original and the tension between them is almost palpable... and very creepy. Do I smell incest? The story, or should I say the excerpt, is also very well written. The dialogue feels natural... well, appropriate for the characters we are dealing with. The glimpse of the plot you give us is very intriguing. This could be a smashing prologue or opening chapter. It could also very well be a random passage of a book, that I read in a book store just to get an idea of what it was all about. I would seriously consider buying that book. At least I would read another passage.
I liked this very much. The characters were very well defined and original and the tension between them is almost palpable... and very creepy. Do I smell incest? The story, or should I say the excerpt, is also very well written. The dialogue feels natural... well, appropriate for the characters we are dealing with. The glimpse of the plot you give us is very intriguing. This could be a smashing prologue or opening chapter. It could also very well be a random passage of a book, that I read in a book store just to get an idea of what it was all about. I would seriously consider buying that book. At least I would read another passage.
4/15/2009 c1 Chancee
This is very intriguing.
I like how you set up the tension between the girl and her father. I think you set up a mood of animosity very well. This felt more like a prologue to something epic!
I really liked how it started out and I'm glad you gave some history in your notes.
I look forward to reading more. I wished you could have kept going. I really would like to know what is going to happen next and I think this is going to be so good!
Okay update soon PPWEEAASSE!
Momo~Roadhouse
This is very intriguing.
I like how you set up the tension between the girl and her father. I think you set up a mood of animosity very well. This felt more like a prologue to something epic!
I really liked how it started out and I'm glad you gave some history in your notes.
I look forward to reading more. I wished you could have kept going. I really would like to know what is going to happen next and I think this is going to be so good!
Okay update soon PPWEEAASSE!
Momo~Roadhouse
4/12/2009 c1 31ByYourSide
“You have already been broken…
Ophelia…
my porcelain doll.”
That's one of the best endings I've ever read on a story. Poor Ophelia. I like the delicate grace you used in your voice; everything, even the words and the atmosphere seem fragile. It goes well with the porcelain doll metaphor. ^.^
I like how you revealed character and motivation with a few easy lines. No infodump, no long paragraphs of backstory. I especially like the line, "“You will be his precious ornament, while I work behind the scenes."
That tells everything. I think that's the very heart of this story from what I've read so far. That line gives me chills. That, coupled with the summary, makes this one very eerie story. I like it a lot!
31ByYourSide“You have already been broken…
Ophelia…
my porcelain doll.”
That's one of the best endings I've ever read on a story. Poor Ophelia. I like the delicate grace you used in your voice; everything, even the words and the atmosphere seem fragile. It goes well with the porcelain doll metaphor. ^.^
I like how you revealed character and motivation with a few easy lines. No infodump, no long paragraphs of backstory. I especially like the line, "“You will be his precious ornament, while I work behind the scenes."
That tells everything. I think that's the very heart of this story from what I've read so far. That line gives me chills. That, coupled with the summary, makes this one very eerie story. I like it a lot!
4/12/2009 c1 4chel bel
Oh wow, that was really good. Throughout the whole thing, I felt like I could actually feel what Ophelia was going through, which is always a good thing. I also really like your writing style. It's not too overdone with useless descriptions or anything, but it doesn't feel empty either. It's a good balance. The story you're planning seems really interesting, and definitely like something I would read. It would be cool if you expanded on this one-shot, though. I'd like to know more about Ophelia and her father and all the things going on. Great job on this, keep up the good work! :)
4chel belOh wow, that was really good. Throughout the whole thing, I felt like I could actually feel what Ophelia was going through, which is always a good thing. I also really like your writing style. It's not too overdone with useless descriptions or anything, but it doesn't feel empty either. It's a good balance. The story you're planning seems really interesting, and definitely like something I would read. It would be cool if you expanded on this one-shot, though. I'd like to know more about Ophelia and her father and all the things going on. Great job on this, keep up the good work! :)
4/10/2009 c1 12Demented Hellion
I like the description. You write really well, and I know this isn't much of a review lol. But it was really good. I saw no blaring errors and it read smoothly. So all in all, good job.
12Demented HellionI like the description. You write really well, and I know this isn't much of a review lol. But it was really good. I saw no blaring errors and it read smoothly. So all in all, good job.
4/10/2009 c1 Link Broken
i liked the charactor interaction. i really believed the relationship between the father and daughter. I wasn't sure what they were talking about but I felt like it was real and I could see them
I also really liked Ophelia's description of things. like i said, I really felt like I could see it. also, it helped get a glimpse into the charactor and her relationship with her father.
i liked the charactor interaction. i really believed the relationship between the father and daughter. I wasn't sure what they were talking about but I felt like it was real and I could see them
I also really liked Ophelia's description of things. like i said, I really felt like I could see it. also, it helped get a glimpse into the charactor and her relationship with her father.
4/10/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Hi,
This seems a bit twisted and creepy, but a good and intriguing premise. You should definitely update this!
From the roadhouse forum,
~ Sakina x
9Sakina the Fallen AngelHi,
This seems a bit twisted and creepy, but a good and intriguing premise. You should definitely update this!
From the roadhouse forum,
~ Sakina x