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for The Storm

8/27/2009 c1 6Justlucy
It is kind of morbid, but I like the repetition.

A thing you could do at this end to make it less morbid is you could add something like,

"The Storm

Coming,

Going,

Erasing,

Renewing."

This could wrap up the poem nicely. And offer a point of view that says though the storm is disastrous, it's apart of nature, and is essential.
4/12/2009 c1 22effervescent-sentiments
Okay. :) First off, "lightning," not "lightening." :D

I like some of the words you used to describe the different elements - specifically, "whipping," "throbbing," "thumping."

However, this felt a lot like an outline, a skeleton, if you will. I didn't like the lack of images and the kind of monotonous repetition. It can be salvaged, however! Try taking each of the verbs and fitting an image to it. Like throbbing, my favorite. That's a perfect place for a simile (which you misspelled in your last poem, I just realized) or metaphor. What does it throb like? How does it throb? Et cetera. :) I think it could be a really strong poem with some changes like that!

Good luck editing!

~Effervescent-Sentiments
4/11/2009 c1 GoneAndDeleted
I love the use of synonyms you use because it gives a sense of imagery.I also like how you repeated the last verse because it kinda gave it that dramatic effect.Maybe you could have add few more words to it so it could describe the destruction more.
4/10/2009 c1 4The-Golden-Hour
nice i likeed the variety of words used =]
4/9/2009 c1 Apollo Versaeus
Nice job with -ing adjectives. I immensely enjoyed,...um...the post script at the end. Yeah that's it. Lol...jk, but I mean really, without any actual sentences this could be my grocery list, minus the bananas.

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