for It's Complicated4/27/2009 c1 
15Greenery
I don't think you need much improving! The dialogue is very believable and well written, from what I know of play dialogue, and your characters are well rounded. I also like the names you've chosen. It's a great start, truly. Nice work.
15GreeneryI don't think you need much improving! The dialogue is very believable and well written, from what I know of play dialogue, and your characters are well rounded. I also like the names you've chosen. It's a great start, truly. Nice work.
4/18/2009 c1 J.Szewczuk
I like how you left the readers hanging, wondering what Jules is really upset about and what Myra won't understand. I also liked when Gordon entered with the tickets. I could picture him in my head so excited waving the tickets like a little child.
I like how you left the readers hanging, wondering what Jules is really upset about and what Myra won't understand. I also liked when Gordon entered with the tickets. I could picture him in my head so excited waving the tickets like a little child.
4/16/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Your dialogue flows very well and for the most part seems natural. This made it very easy to read, and to follow the action. I also liked the characterisation ~ each one was extremely memorable in the context of the play.
However, you should give more insight into why Jules dislikes Roswell so much. Is it a personal issue? Perhaps that would've been answered had this been longer, so I urge you to definitely write more. That way, you can develop your characters further, and then we can also learn more about their backgrounds.
Oh, and a quick correction:
JULES: For the past week it's been Roswell this and Roswell that. I'm sik of him. Absolutely sick of him.
Should be "sick".
~ Sakina x
9Sakina the Fallen AngelYour dialogue flows very well and for the most part seems natural. This made it very easy to read, and to follow the action. I also liked the characterisation ~ each one was extremely memorable in the context of the play.
However, you should give more insight into why Jules dislikes Roswell so much. Is it a personal issue? Perhaps that would've been answered had this been longer, so I urge you to definitely write more. That way, you can develop your characters further, and then we can also learn more about their backgrounds.
Oh, and a quick correction:
JULES: For the past week it's been Roswell this and Roswell that. I'm sik of him. Absolutely sick of him.
Should be "sick".
~ Sakina x
4/14/2009 c1 28mikey magee
Dialog: The dialog was nice. It sounded natural for each character. It liked the mother's no-none-sense tone of voice, and the child's whining sarcasm.
Spelling/Grammar: " I'm sik of him. Absolutely sick of him." change "sik" to "sick"
Character: The character of Jules was my favorite. I liked how it was foreshadowed, about the new artist and how something deeper might be bothering him.
Technique: You can go a little bit more into technique with your dialog. For example to help with the "comedic aspect" you can use a little more sarcasm. I would also suggest you give Myra a few more sarcasm lines, or maybe hint at her subplot. She seemed to kind of fade into the background a bit.
Scene: The last scene was nice. it left a good cliff-hanger while at the same time making me want to read onwards and know more about the character.
Good Job!
28mikey mageeDialog: The dialog was nice. It sounded natural for each character. It liked the mother's no-none-sense tone of voice, and the child's whining sarcasm.
Spelling/Grammar: " I'm sik of him. Absolutely sick of him." change "sik" to "sick"
Character: The character of Jules was my favorite. I liked how it was foreshadowed, about the new artist and how something deeper might be bothering him.
Technique: You can go a little bit more into technique with your dialog. For example to help with the "comedic aspect" you can use a little more sarcasm. I would also suggest you give Myra a few more sarcasm lines, or maybe hint at her subplot. She seemed to kind of fade into the background a bit.
Scene: The last scene was nice. it left a good cliff-hanger while at the same time making me want to read onwards and know more about the character.
Good Job!
4/13/2009 c1 Left FP
First off, this is the first play I am reviewing so I might be the best of advisers...
I liked the beginning of the story..I mean the opening scene was done very nicely, giving us an insight in to the lives of the people in the play...
I like how you toy with the real idea behind the play, without really giving anything away...
Anyway, I thought it an extremely good attempt at writing a play. And this one has the potential to be something great...
So...keep up the good work...
*does the first reviewer dance*
~ Misty...
P.S. - tell me when you update!
First off, this is the first play I am reviewing so I might be the best of advisers...
I liked the beginning of the story..I mean the opening scene was done very nicely, giving us an insight in to the lives of the people in the play...
I like how you toy with the real idea behind the play, without really giving anything away...
Anyway, I thought it an extremely good attempt at writing a play. And this one has the potential to be something great...
So...keep up the good work...
*does the first reviewer dance*
~ Misty...
P.S. - tell me when you update!