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5/1/2009 c1 25KelaBelle
I love sarcastic stuff and i love this x
4/14/2009 c1 28mikey magee
I liked the premise of the poem. Though I think you could work a little harder on the imagery. For example, "I see the look of disgust" that could be explained a little better, "disgust can mean different things to different people. Why not add a simile to make it clearer, like "I see the look of disgust. As if you see us a roaches that only need to be squashed."

I liked the use of dialog in the fifth stanza. It gave the person your writing about a sense of realism.

The "Swiss cheese" thing in the sixth stanza was a bit of a cliche. Maybe it would help bring the poem new impact if you used something else like "She whined, like a child who didn't get that toy she wanted", or something.

I loved the reference to pinocchio in the same stanza though. It caught me off guard and worked beautifully show her true colors.

Well Done! Keep Writing :)
4/14/2009 c1 1Engineer of Words
Not sure whether or not this was supposed to come off as slightly funny, but it did. You know, in that bitter, sarcastic sort of funny.

Anyway, I enjoyed the way the piece flowed. It didn't come off as anything but smooth, made even more impressive by the fact that you incorporated dialogue of some sort into the fourth stanza.

Conversely, I wish that you had expounded or given new insight onto the comparison that bears the title, which you really didn't. The plays on words with the "whine and cheese" in the fifth stanza made me cringe a bit, as well, but it elicited a laugh no less. In any case, your attempt to paint the other person as plastic gets a bit lost in the metaphor.

Despite the length of the paragraph above, I really did enjoy reading this. Keep at it.
4/13/2009 c1 6Scarlett Smile
Your poem is so, poignant. I like your use of dialogue because I guess I never considered dialogue to be a great addition to poems because most are introspective. However, your poem has changed my mind. I think I'll try that one day soon. Till then I'll admire it in your great peice of work. Because it is...to say the least due to my rather speechless state...a very good poem :)
4/13/2009 c1 lymli
I like this, it's great!

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