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5/30/2010 c7 6Sophelia
Finally got around to reading this. :] Liked the set-up for the next chapter - now I'm very curious about what you're going to do with Dan and Astrid next. And good development with Astrid's father. Stay motivated! :]
5/23/2010 c7 DeviLGirl101
So far, so good. Keep up the good work.
5/23/2010 c7 2The Oddest Of Them All
wow! i only recently found out about fiction press. i was addicted to the sister site fan fiction. this story is really good. something that i would pay money for to own and re-read whenever i liked. your an amazing writer and im looking forward to your next chapter. hope the book goes the way im thinking it will. also love how your charecter isnt perfect. only draw back of fan fiction. alot of mary sues. anyway congrats on your writing skills.
5/7/2010 c6 6Sophelia
Hey I finally got around to reading your story (final exams are almost done!) so here are some things I noticed :]

Firstly, I really like the voice and style you write in. Astrid has a very distinct personality from the way she speaks in this story. Dan is also someone I can imagine fairly clearly, though I think he still has the potential to become a very solid, three-dimensional character that seems almost alive - right now, he's not quite there yet, though you're doing an amazing job of subtly hinting at his feelings for Astrid.

Also, there are random little quirks that make the story unique - for instance, I like how you've created Astrid's mother and her toxic cooking. It actually made me laugh, since it reminds me so much of Mom from Calvin and Hobbes. At the same time, be very careful about getting locked into stereotypes. Best friend, new kid at school, drunk dad - these can all work beautifully, but make sure they're not one-dimensional. I'm actually curious if the dad is going to be a big part of this story, since his alcoholism seems to have a minimal impact on Astrid's life right now.

And the last thing I want to say is related to something I think one of your reviewers said - putting in more exciting stuff for readers. Your writing is quick and witty, but the story pacing isn't moving at the same rate. The story summary at first glance seems very similar to many other fictionpress stories that use the same elements, but the trick to making yours stand out from the rest is to make the storyline different - quirky things like Mrs. Channing's cooking. The most obvious example I can think of is All Against Odds by Myrika, which was on fictionpress before she took it down due to plagiarism. I don't know if you ever read it, but the story had the cliched brother's best friend and bet - what made it so popular was that the main character was hilariously witty, each character was so distinctly unique, and the story was full of crazy events. That's something you might want to try if you're up for it.

Anyways, that's my two cents. Your writing style is great; I think if you tweak the storyline a little, you could really get something awesome ;] Good luck!
2/2/2010 c1 Obra Maestro
I see a masterpiece and in the process. Hope to see more updates! Truthfully, i can relate with what's written there so, I must admit that I'm excited!^_^ P.S. This actually expanded my vocab. lol
11/8/2009 c1 misery sister
I really like the last sentence. It just ends the entire thing with a resounding bang. :P
10/5/2009 c5 writersblock
hmm.. the story's fine, though you could add a bit more stuff to excite the readers.

:)
6/6/2009 c4 25KelaBelle
Love it x
4/16/2009 c1 9WinMyHeart5444
very, very nice! The way you write your emotions is awesome. And free hug! haha yay!

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