for Splinter Bridge5/25/2013 c2 Aanavia LC
Nope I liked the old one better.
Nope I liked the old one better.
12/19/2010 c2 xDoubleU
I like it, so far.
I think Lynne's character here is a bit more angst-y than before, but that seems to be expected since she really does NOT want to stay, and I like the small changes you added to Julie and how this time Julie's the one who's calling Eva a backstabber instead of Lynne (though she only said that in her thoughts in WOL).
I wonder what will happen to Lynne and Denny's relationship this time, since in the earlier version it was a little too fast at the beginning of the story. (Also, I wonder how Denny's going to act in this version, too).
Also I think the sentence 'She was a couple nuts loose' is a little weird. But I read it as 'She has a couple nuts loose' instead. I'm not sure if you intended it that way, or if it was a typo, but I just wanted to point it out.
And I know that the last update was almost a year and a half ago but I just wanted to leave a review. So, good job and I can't wait for the next chapter~!
I like it, so far.
I think Lynne's character here is a bit more angst-y than before, but that seems to be expected since she really does NOT want to stay, and I like the small changes you added to Julie and how this time Julie's the one who's calling Eva a backstabber instead of Lynne (though she only said that in her thoughts in WOL).
I wonder what will happen to Lynne and Denny's relationship this time, since in the earlier version it was a little too fast at the beginning of the story. (Also, I wonder how Denny's going to act in this version, too).
Also I think the sentence 'She was a couple nuts loose' is a little weird. But I read it as 'She has a couple nuts loose' instead. I'm not sure if you intended it that way, or if it was a typo, but I just wanted to point it out.
And I know that the last update was almost a year and a half ago but I just wanted to leave a review. So, good job and I can't wait for the next chapter~!
1/2/2010 c2 theduckoverthere
I just want to point something out. "It's" is a contraction, and "its" shows possession, so...
ITS color further diminished by the late night.
as opposed to
It is (it's) color further diminished by the late night.
that would be correct. Please note that because even a little mistake will make me go hysterical.
And also, in WOL, I can't seem to recall who Amy is. Can you refresh my memory?
I didn't think WOL was bad at all, so hopefully this will be even better! For some reason, I like Julie in here better. Like, she's more rebel than outcast? I dunno ;P
-theduckoverthere
I just want to point something out. "It's" is a contraction, and "its" shows possession, so...
ITS color further diminished by the late night.
as opposed to
It is (it's) color further diminished by the late night.
that would be correct. Please note that because even a little mistake will make me go hysterical.
And also, in WOL, I can't seem to recall who Amy is. Can you refresh my memory?
I didn't think WOL was bad at all, so hopefully this will be even better! For some reason, I like Julie in here better. Like, she's more rebel than outcast? I dunno ;P
-theduckoverthere
8/6/2009 c2 
2Vance Vestiaum
Oh, goodness. Your rewrite is looking amazing (I browsed), but I honestly hope you don't post the rest. The idea is awesome, and it could get published with a good enough rewrite. I suggest you write this one in private, but the decision is all yours.
If you choose to continue, I'll be reading! Good luck. (;
2Vance VestiaumOh, goodness. Your rewrite is looking amazing (I browsed), but I honestly hope you don't post the rest. The idea is awesome, and it could get published with a good enough rewrite. I suggest you write this one in private, but the decision is all yours.
If you choose to continue, I'll be reading! Good luck. (;
6/20/2009 c2 a person
i commented on your other WOL story as hm...
i didn't realize you were rewriting. i probably should have looked first. sorry. :)
anyway. the first part of this is looking really good. i like the the depth the new details add. i just hope you aren't changing the plot line too much by adding these details.
i commented on your other WOL story as hm...
i didn't realize you were rewriting. i probably should have looked first. sorry. :)
anyway. the first part of this is looking really good. i like the the depth the new details add. i just hope you aren't changing the plot line too much by adding these details.
4/19/2009 c2 5Alberta Cavallaro
With the prologue into it, there's more of a hook now. ;D However, the ending of that prologue wasn't really clear of its ties to the story itself, idk.
5Alberta CavallaroWith the prologue into it, there's more of a hook now. ;D However, the ending of that prologue wasn't really clear of its ties to the story itself, idk.
4/19/2009 c2 alfers
I'm really glad you decided to re-write WOL. I loved the story when you first wrote it because I thought it was unique, and it was. I actually stayed up until five in the morning reading bits and pieces of the chapters, especially the parts between Denny and Lynne because I'm a sucker for a guy who will do anything for a girl even if he's super pissed at her. xD
But, like I said, glad to see you re-writing. I can't wait to see Denny and Lynne build their relationship again, which reminds me... it was super simple and fast at the beginning of WOL, but your writing improved so much by the end that it didn't seem to matter. Now that you're re-writing, I bet it'll be even better. ;)
Can't wait for the next chapter. :D
I'm really glad you decided to re-write WOL. I loved the story when you first wrote it because I thought it was unique, and it was. I actually stayed up until five in the morning reading bits and pieces of the chapters, especially the parts between Denny and Lynne because I'm a sucker for a guy who will do anything for a girl even if he's super pissed at her. xD
But, like I said, glad to see you re-writing. I can't wait to see Denny and Lynne build their relationship again, which reminds me... it was super simple and fast at the beginning of WOL, but your writing improved so much by the end that it didn't seem to matter. Now that you're re-writing, I bet it'll be even better. ;)
Can't wait for the next chapter. :D
4/17/2009 c2 1VanillaCentaur
Wow, I didn't know you were rewriting... Interesting... I like it so far. Is the whole relationship between her and Denny gonna be less dramatic this time? I'm glad that you're gonna do something with the whole father-relationship-issue, because it did seem to resolve itself way too easily. In her situation, I don't know if I would ever fully get over it. Well anyways, keep up the good work. :)
1VanillaCentaurWow, I didn't know you were rewriting... Interesting... I like it so far. Is the whole relationship between her and Denny gonna be less dramatic this time? I'm glad that you're gonna do something with the whole father-relationship-issue, because it did seem to resolve itself way too easily. In her situation, I don't know if I would ever fully get over it. Well anyways, keep up the good work. :)
4/16/2009 c1 5Alberta Cavallaro
I always love your stories though in this one, there wasn't really enough of a hook in the beginning. Yeah, as it goes on, there is curiosity to go on. Still, the hook. Btw, you misspelt klepto.
5Alberta CavallaroI always love your stories though in this one, there wasn't really enough of a hook in the beginning. Yeah, as it goes on, there is curiosity to go on. Still, the hook. Btw, you misspelt klepto.