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for Nocturne draft

10/27/2010 c3 10Golfbabe87
I really enjoyed this chapter. It was nice to see Alan's family life and see him pull strength by spending time with his family. Getting tested is not fun, infections/diseases are not uncommon. Yay for precautions and knowing your partners and their past sexual experiences.
10/27/2010 c2 Golfbabe87
I really empathize with Alan here. I want Claryon back...but six billion people and all life on the planet sacrificed. How can they just hide that from him and basically hold silent, it's so deceptive. Then again, it's all Keyd's people see as an option. But when will the sacrifice's stop?
10/27/2010 c1 Golfbabe87
I really do love this saga. You have put so much time and effort into creating detailed new worlds, magic, culture, and have developed character's that are not only easy to fall in love with, but also relate to you. I really empathize with Alan, and I am cheering for him and Keyd's relationship to go well. I also love Rysa! I am really very happy you have a strong female character in your story. As a woman, I always feel the need to have a strong female character in what I read, I guess it is the feminist side of me.

I really hope things clear up with Alan. I mean I hope some things get explained a bit to him. Everything is happening so fast and I know I would feel equally as lost, if not more so, if I were in his situation. I am so glad Keyd wants him to not follow in the female role as far as traditions go. As far as gender roles go, urgh that make me angry sometimes. I tend to upset easily when men or women are forced in traditional gender roles. Relationships are unique, and I think of them as partnerships in many ways.

Great job. I am going to continue reading...
9/5/2010 c8 6aControversialSecret
Ah troubled souls.

I like how they aren't always happy and aggreeable and they fight. It makes them seems so real.
7/5/2010 c2 tmelange1
Alan is a bit of a drama queen, lol. Since this entire story is from his perspective, his self-absorption and rampant emotionalism wears me out. *g* But I'm hoping that now that he's left, the actual plot can pick up again - I've had enough of being inside his headspace of relationship woes. ;)
7/4/2010 c8 spenny
DAMMIT. this is why I don't read reviews beforehand! Alan/Law sex. well fuck. There's a huge part of the story ruined.

Okay. Now. FINALLY family. And at least you had Alan realise how childish it was to rip off the lan necklace. Although, what about his eyes? Didn't they go black with his hair?

Jeez, his family is so typically American. No offense if your family actually is like that, but Alan's doesn't seem terribly cohesive. I thought it was only in the movies it was like that. I don't actually know. But I really did say "Typical American." out loud when you wrote that all he was accustomed to was beef, pork and chicken. *rolls eyes* really. Come on, lamb is fantastic. And you'd have to travel over here to Australia for it, but kangaroo is good when it's cooked right too. lol carry on. Oh and Keira isn't that uncommon here. lol. Americans.

sigh. Oh man. If it's a 1.5 months, I'm shaking my head dude. It's too stereotypically gay for within that short period of time to do "omg you're hot, i love you, you love me? sex sex sex, stay with me forever, what, [insert break up issue], i never wanna see you again!" If you're trying to portray this relationship as more serious, this seriously undermines it.

And you might not care, but I laughed throughout Twilight. For a vampire that's a few hundred years old, he sucks at keeping a secret. And glittering in sunlight is stupid. While I like what you've done to include current media, keep in mind if you publish, it might not work because it'd date your book - perhaps you should try for something more nondescript.

...they don't test for HIV immediately, they wait 3 months. You might want to fix that.

I'm wondering: since they're all blonds, but their symbiotes give off light that they absorb from the environment, do the clarbach glow?

And did you screw up? "Yes," Ociir said, glancing away. "You—must know how our energy, and the energy of the oenclar, works. How we affect light and dark." vs. "Any children of hers would probably be oenclar themselves," Ieta said, with serious contempt.

Why would Ociir say oenclar then use "we"?

Well, at least the whole emotional aspect of Law/Alan sex was realistic, especially just using each other. Things like this, these non-cliche scenes, they make your story different. and good. So I'm not pissed about the sex, more depressed. but it's real.

Similar sentiments on the betraying Keyd's plans to save Earth. Understandable, but conflicted on how I feel on it.

I'm glad you put Kir's interaction in. It's special. And it's one I wouldn't have thought of. That's another good thing about your story worth commending.

Well, you've gone and done it. The tears and the drama and the offering of execution. In this context, it's palatable. I don't like that you've done it, you did it well actually, but it's still one of the biggest cliches I think in slash stories and the one I hate the most. But of course, I'm glad Keyd and Alan made up.

... it's been more than half a year. You wouldn't be so cruel to abandon your poor readers now would you? lol nah it's okay, I understand, real life is kind of more important. But I've got you on Author Alert for whenever *shrug* but I don't know if I want to review each chapter as they come or wait till you're all done so I can get it all in one go. lol I also don't know how you'll receive my reviews - maybe it doesn't matter.

But on the whole, I really liked your work :)
6/6/2010 c8 1Karida
I just read up till here in three days and it was a roller coaster of a ride...emotional, gripping, exciting, never a dull moment, characters you can't help but LOVE...god I can't even explain to you how amazingly awesome all of this is...it's epic and stupendous and something I don't think I'll ever forget...

Just keep on doing what your doing because it's absolutely *wonderful* and if you ever decide to publish this, post the link so I can buy it! 0.o
4/21/2010 c8 vrada
WOW! This three stories of yours are absolutely fucking awesome! I love the characters, the angst (especially the angst, you do that quite well), the plot, the whole idea behind it.

There are some minor mistakes, but nothing that would put me of reading.

I will check out your last story, but will wait for it to be finished, I think. Thanks for writing and sharing and PLEASE do not stop writing, you are fucking amazing at it.

PS: first time I used swear words in a review. Alan is rubbing off, hehe
4/6/2010 c8 ravynrants
**SPOILERS**

Excellent story, but jeez I was kind of worried for Alan and Keyd there for awhile...

I do have a question though - and sorry in advance if you've already been asked this 50 times or if you plan to illuminate us in the future, but...

I have yet to really understand WHY the clarbach must continually locate other worlds to steal their light energy, thereby destroying those worlds in the process. What do they DO with the energy? How do they even collect it? Do they have big settlements elsewhere that uses this energy somehow? It was implied that they started the war by going outside the original bounds of balance (that they went out looking for more light energy from other worlds when they weren't supposed to)...why did they feel the need to do that to begin? It was a little confusing to me when Alan was sort of sympathizing with them, or at least being so understanding - like when he was in his big meeting with their agistar queen lady. I mean, fact is, the clarbach destroy worlds by making them inhabitable for plant life. And they just keep doing it. And the comments made about how they were hesitant about selecting earth b/c of its 6 billion inhabitants, but that in the end they did it anyway...WOW, seriously? I just didn't get how that made Alan feel any better. Honestly, it seems almost worse to me that they would knowingly choose such a populated planet.

Anyway, I kept waiting for some kind of explanation of this practice or for Alan to ask while he was with them, but that never really happens...

Ok, so that was like a bunch of questions, but it's basically all the same idea - just wondering about the clarbach's energy gathering practices.

So like I said, I thought the story was FANTASTIC, like they've all been, and seriously, I cannot wait to read the 4th!

PS I'm not sure how I feel about the whole "Separarists" thing...I don't know if that's supposed to be foreshadowing, but I hope not! I like the little energy entities. I think I would be sad to see them go...
3/28/2010 c8 2rainin9
This was just AMAZING! I loved it. Every bit of it. I love the plot, Alan and Keyd and Rysa and all the characters in it, and I love how you've given Alan such a voice and sometimes I feel like I can relate to him and it's just damn amazing what you've done. I liked the chapter where he went back home and I loved the interaction between him and his sister, and I loved learning that Rysa's family still cared about her and meeting those characters were awesome. I loved learning about the way clar and stuff works in this world, and I loved that Keyd and Alan made up. So, yup. I loved a lot of things! You are an amazing and brilliant author and I would so buy your books if you did publish it! Good luck and I'll be waiting for the next one!
2/9/2010 c8 Lynnette
SO glad they found each other again. Cannot wait for the next novel. Your storytelling is unique and captivating. I hope you get published some day. I'll read it, if you write it. Thanks!
2/8/2010 c4 Lynnette
Still totally with you. I do miss Keyd and hope Alan gets to see him again soon and discovers what he needs and wants to do about Earth and his relationship. Sheesh. So much to take in. I really want everything to work out. Guess I'll have to keep reading. Until next chapter...
2/7/2010 c3 Lynnette
So glad you're still writing. I thoroughly enjoy reading about Alan and Keyd. Excited for more. Thanks. Now, on with the story. :)
12/10/2009 c8 1Satan's Angelic Mistress
N'aw Law and Eleon are cute. ^^

... I have nothing else to add to the last time I reviewed this story a few chapters ago; but yay for continuing it? I would look forward to it if I actually followed stories compulsively and read them when they got updated but I find it makes for easier/better reading when I can read a few chapters at once. Anyhow, nice work as per usual.

Lol this review is totally "here have a review authors like that and I like this story; this review/story trade thing works."
12/4/2009 c2 flowerpot
I AM SO PISSED AT ALAN RIGHT NOW!
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