for Picture Perfect8/19/2011 c2 Reader
Where is your story at?
Where is your story at?
8/18/2011 c2 applenica
what happen? are you going to publish it? i hope everythings is fine.please tell me what your new account, so i can follow your story. thanks ^^
what happen? are you going to publish it? i hope everythings is fine.please tell me what your new account, so i can follow your story. thanks ^^
9/7/2010 c20 
3Princess of Chocolate
Um... So what does that mean? Is it up? Can I read it? ... When you say rewriting, does that mean quick updates or... just the end to the story, or what?
Princess
3Princess of ChocolateUm... So what does that mean? Is it up? Can I read it? ... When you say rewriting, does that mean quick updates or... just the end to the story, or what?
Princess
3/20/2010 c13 1Altschul
omg... First story to ever bring tears to my eyes... You rock. And congrats coz the only other thing to bring me tears was bridge to teribithia...
1Altschulomg... First story to ever bring tears to my eyes... You rock. And congrats coz the only other thing to bring me tears was bridge to teribithia...
2/28/2010 c19 omg23
IVE BEEN READING THIS STORY SINCE SUMMER AND IT WILL BE A DARN SHAME IF U TAKE IT DOWN. Its very addictive and as a writer one of the greatest milestones in writing is to get readers wanting more and u have achieved that. If you get this story published it would be like twilight minus the vampires and werewolves :) Great story just continue writing
IVE BEEN READING THIS STORY SINCE SUMMER AND IT WILL BE A DARN SHAME IF U TAKE IT DOWN. Its very addictive and as a writer one of the greatest milestones in writing is to get readers wanting more and u have achieved that. If you get this story published it would be like twilight minus the vampires and werewolves :) Great story just continue writing
2/28/2010 c19 OMG23
black rose upon thorns noone cares about ur opinion, this is a very good story and my dad has a friend who works with some publishing company and we'll see what they think about this!
black rose upon thorns noone cares about ur opinion, this is a very good story and my dad has a friend who works with some publishing company and we'll see what they think about this!
2/28/2010 c19 omg23
I DNT KNOW WHAT BLACK ROSE UPON THORNS IS TALKING ABOUT BUT WHEN I READ THE STORY I FEEL APART OF THE CHARACTERS, I FEEL CONNECTED. WHY WOULD U TAKE IT DOWN?ITS A WONDERFUL STORY!
I DNT KNOW WHAT BLACK ROSE UPON THORNS IS TALKING ABOUT BUT WHEN I READ THE STORY I FEEL APART OF THE CHARACTERS, I FEEL CONNECTED. WHY WOULD U TAKE IT DOWN?ITS A WONDERFUL STORY!
12/28/2009 c19 3Princess of Chocolate
Perfect. I can totally understand. See you when the new story's up!
And, my suggestion is to make... Jake's girlfriend less stereotypical.
3Princess of ChocolatePerfect. I can totally understand. See you when the new story's up!
And, my suggestion is to make... Jake's girlfriend less stereotypical.
12/16/2009 c1 2Knickknacks and Kohl
it is an amazing story..i think i want it to be a happy ending where jason meets the right girl and nikki n jason become best friends.you can take the story directly to darell n nikki's wedding day...do update soon...hope i helped
2Knickknacks and Kohlit is an amazing story..i think i want it to be a happy ending where jason meets the right girl and nikki n jason become best friends.you can take the story directly to darell n nikki's wedding day...do update soon...hope i helped
12/9/2009 c19 MarieAnn
I'm sad you're going to take this down! I really enjoyed reading this story but I hope taking it down and starting over will motivate you to write an even better version and finish it! The only suggestion I have it to somehow indicate how much time passes between scenes. Overall I really did like reading the story and I loved Darrell :-) Good luck with your stories!
I'm sad you're going to take this down! I really enjoyed reading this story but I hope taking it down and starting over will motivate you to write an even better version and finish it! The only suggestion I have it to somehow indicate how much time passes between scenes. Overall I really did like reading the story and I loved Darrell :-) Good luck with your stories!
12/9/2009 c19 2Black-Rose-Upon-Thorn
WHAT? nO, YOU CANT DO THAT! Its so annoying when writers decide to do that as they never end up finishing what they start off with and actually end up writing fewer chapters than they did originally!
But i will admit that although i lyk the storyline, things dont fit. Things happen WAY too fast, its not very believable, especially when you dont indicate the time passed and how it was spent except randomly. e.g id gather that everything happened within only days but in Darells speech he says its been two months! Im sorry to say that Jason's character is not very consistent. His reactions differ every time and you dont link them anyhow so that they seem completely random. And i think you should show More of Sherry so that we can start seeing her as a real 3d person rather than the annoying extra who is just conveniently there.
I hope what i pointed out doesnt seem too harsh, im just trying to be honest cause this story has so much potential. Another random side note is that as opposed to writing words in capitals to emphasise them, you should really be doing it in italics (in my opinion). *shrugs* Capitals are usually associated with screaming..
Well anyhow whatever you decide, good luck with your plans. Another thing id really like to point out (lol my finger will drop off soon with all this pointing =P ) is that you dont DESCRIBE [im using capitals coz i cant use italics here ;)] anything! I just realised whats missing from this story.. although its likeable, you dont feel part of it or part of the characters. Youve got to use more examples of when you SHOW rather than TELL the readers things, so they can deduce stuff and feel involved. Thats another thing lacking in the brothers' characters, we dont really see signs of them liking Nikki before they seem to ranomly blurt it out (as was in Darrels case) which doesnt really present the polished version of a story, and makes the love feel fake and quite out of place.. if you get what i mean. Im just trying to help you make this story the best it can be!
Lol please dont end up hating me for this! Give me a reply back. If you have any questions or would like further feedback, hellp with ideas/ plans feel free to message me or something. Once again, gd luck!
Lotsa luv, Lj x *goes off to peek at Aly's aka Seeking Stardom profile*
2Black-Rose-Upon-ThornWHAT? nO, YOU CANT DO THAT! Its so annoying when writers decide to do that as they never end up finishing what they start off with and actually end up writing fewer chapters than they did originally!
But i will admit that although i lyk the storyline, things dont fit. Things happen WAY too fast, its not very believable, especially when you dont indicate the time passed and how it was spent except randomly. e.g id gather that everything happened within only days but in Darells speech he says its been two months! Im sorry to say that Jason's character is not very consistent. His reactions differ every time and you dont link them anyhow so that they seem completely random. And i think you should show More of Sherry so that we can start seeing her as a real 3d person rather than the annoying extra who is just conveniently there.
I hope what i pointed out doesnt seem too harsh, im just trying to be honest cause this story has so much potential. Another random side note is that as opposed to writing words in capitals to emphasise them, you should really be doing it in italics (in my opinion). *shrugs* Capitals are usually associated with screaming..
Well anyhow whatever you decide, good luck with your plans. Another thing id really like to point out (lol my finger will drop off soon with all this pointing =P ) is that you dont DESCRIBE [im using capitals coz i cant use italics here ;)] anything! I just realised whats missing from this story.. although its likeable, you dont feel part of it or part of the characters. Youve got to use more examples of when you SHOW rather than TELL the readers things, so they can deduce stuff and feel involved. Thats another thing lacking in the brothers' characters, we dont really see signs of them liking Nikki before they seem to ranomly blurt it out (as was in Darrels case) which doesnt really present the polished version of a story, and makes the love feel fake and quite out of place.. if you get what i mean. Im just trying to help you make this story the best it can be!
Lol please dont end up hating me for this! Give me a reply back. If you have any questions or would like further feedback, hellp with ideas/ plans feel free to message me or something. Once again, gd luck!
Lotsa luv, Lj x *goes off to peek at Aly's aka Seeking Stardom profile*
12/9/2009 c11 Black-Rose-Upon-Thorn
ok well i wasnt really planning to review until i finished reading all your chapters so far, but i needed to point out that Nikki has a 16 yr old sister but in the last chapter you said that she couldnt sympathise with Darell's feelings of sibling jealousy as she didnt have any siblings..
ok and 2, for a guy who 'loves' her Darell doesnt seem to be jealous when shes with her brother and at the moment (it obviously may change as i continue to read) i cant see the basis in which he fell in love, unless this was a long time thing which you are gradually going to show?
Lol i'll drop u another review when im done reading ;)
Lj x
ok well i wasnt really planning to review until i finished reading all your chapters so far, but i needed to point out that Nikki has a 16 yr old sister but in the last chapter you said that she couldnt sympathise with Darell's feelings of sibling jealousy as she didnt have any siblings..
ok and 2, for a guy who 'loves' her Darell doesnt seem to be jealous when shes with her brother and at the moment (it obviously may change as i continue to read) i cant see the basis in which he fell in love, unless this was a long time thing which you are gradually going to show?
Lol i'll drop u another review when im done reading ;)
Lj x
12/9/2009 c19 5itsVKEE
NNO! DON'T TAKE IT DOWN! IF I EVER LEARNT FROM ANY MISTAKE- IT WAS THAT NEVER EVER TAKE ANYTHING DOWN- I TOOK A FEW OF MY STORIES DOWN AND NOW I REGRET IT... XD
so leave it up; then just replace the chapters!
its so sad that you have writer's block ): i was really enjoying this story!
5itsVKEENNO! DON'T TAKE IT DOWN! IF I EVER LEARNT FROM ANY MISTAKE- IT WAS THAT NEVER EVER TAKE ANYTHING DOWN- I TOOK A FEW OF MY STORIES DOWN AND NOW I REGRET IT... XD
so leave it up; then just replace the chapters!
its so sad that you have writer's block ): i was really enjoying this story!
12/8/2009 c19 2Chu-Chi Bear
Aww :( and it was such a great story ... okay as long as you promise! Lol Looking forward to it, and good luck!
-CCB
2Chu-Chi BearAww :( and it was such a great story ... okay as long as you promise! Lol Looking forward to it, and good luck!
-CCB